Family ramblings

Thought I'd do a little update on me and mine. Since I know you don't ALWAYS want to read my rantings! hehe.

Let's see. It's been a busy couple of weeks or so. Hailey is doing well in Cross Country aside from a horrid respiratory infection knocking her on her butt this week. Thankfully her meet on Thursday got rained out anyway.

The 20th was Jack's 5th birthday. FIVE!! Can you believe it? Seems like yesterday he was an infant! They DO grow up so fast don't they?

Here are a couple photos from his birthday

Didn't do TOO bad on the cake if I do say so myself!

Jack and his buddies Carter and Daniel. It's kind of interesting. The first week of school Jack came home and said he made a new "best buddy" and his name was Daniel. Turns out, it's the son of one of Craig's best friends from 'back in the day'! He invited Daniel and Carter to his party and it turns out Carter's mom is someone Craig and Dan and I went to high school with too! So it was like a high school reunion in my living room this morning.

The 27th was our 10th Anniversary. Feels nice to prove the nay sayers wrong who swore we wouldn't last....

My brother and sister in law are due to be having thier baby like any minute now. So We've been all kind of on the edge of our seats for that.

And the newest picture of Nate...... isn't he just freaking delicious?

I will be adding to my hectic schedule by teaching a natural childbirth class through the hospital. I can't WAIT for that it'll be a ton of fun. Let's see... what else has been going on..... A lot of the same old stuff. Kids' activities and what-not around every turn. We are already starting field trips and all that fun stuff! I can't believe it's gonna be Halloween in a few weeks!

Are YOU poisoning your children?

Approximately half of the United States' drinking water supply is fluoridated in an attempt to reduce dental cavities in children. Thankfully the town I live in does not (as of now anyway, hopefully they keep thier senses) artificially fluoridate our drinking water. My children do not take fluoride rinses at school or receive fluoride treatments at the dentist office. In the past 4 years, since I have begun actively limiting the fluoride my children receive thier teeth have actually IMPROVED and none of them have had a cavity, without any other change in their dental routine.


Most Americans are unaware of the dangers of ingesting fluoride. Most dentists, physicians and scientists are even unaware of the dangers of fluoride. How many of us have actually taken the time to read up on it, just once?




Facts About Fluoride

~ Fluoride is NOT FDA APPROVED


~ According to Clinical Toxicology of Commercial Products, fluoride rated #2 on the toxicity scale, right under arsenic and above lead.


~ In the March 22, 1990 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, Mayo Clinic reported that fluoride increased hip fracture rate and bone fragility.


~A study by Procter and Gamble showed that as little as half the amount of fluoride used to fluoridate public water supplies resulted in a sizable and significant increase in genetic damage.



~Epidemiology research in the mid-1970's by the late Dr. Dean Burk, head of the cytochemistry division of the National Cancer Institute, indicated that 10,000 or more fluoridation-linked cancer deaths occur yearly in the United States.



~In 1989, the ability of fluoride to transform normal cells into cancer cells was confirmed by Argonne National Laboratories.



~ Since 1991, the New Jersey Department of Health found that the incidence of osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer, was far higher in young men exposed to fluoridated water than in those who were not.


~In addition to the well documented toxic effects of fluoride, fluoride even at dosages of 1 part per million, found in artificially fluoridated water, can inhibit enzyme systems, damage the immune system, contribute to calcification of soft tissues, worsen arthritis and, cause dental fluorosis in children.

"The American Medical Association is NOT prepared to state that no harm will be done to any person by water fluoridation. The AMA has not carried out any research work, either long-term or short-term, regarding the possibility of any side effects." - Dr. Flanagan, Assistant Director of Environmental Health, American Medical Association.

"I am appalled at the prospect of using water as a vehicle for drugs. Fluoride is a corrosive poison that will produce serious effects on a long range basis. Any attempt to use water this way is deplorable." - Dr. Charles Gordon Heyd, Past President of the American Medical Association.

The fluoride used for water fluoridation does not have FDA approval and is considered by the FDA as an "unapproved drug".

And it's not just in the water or supplements. Did you know that if you have wheaties with milk, and a can of coke for breakfast you have injested 233% MORE fluoride than the standard 1ppm daily recommended dose? There's no getting away from it I'm afraid, it's in everything you eat and drink. The water sprayed on the crops contains fluoride, so does the fertilizer. The LEAST we can do is NOT put it in our bodies above and beyond what we are forced to take in already.

But it saves our kids' teeth you say? WRONG



~In the largest U.S. study of fluoridation and tooth decay, United States Public Health Service dental records of over 39,000 school children, ages 5-17, from 84 areas around the United States showed that the number of decayed, missing, and filled teeth per child was virtually the same in fluoridated and non-fluoridated areas.



Dr. John Colquhoun, former Chief Dental Officer of the Department of Health for Auckland, New Zealand, investigated tooth decay statistics from about 60,000 12 to 13 year old children and showed that fluoridation had no significant effect on tooth decay rate.



But it's NATURALLY in the water you say? So if it's a "natural" substance it can't be bad for you!

WRONG. Fluoride is an environmental pollutant. It is a waste product of aluminum and fertilizer production.


Prior to 1945, fluoride was responsible for many lawsuits against these industries. This fluoride destroyed crops and animals, leading to the lawsuits. The limited public view was that fluoride was an environmental pollutant that needed to be eliminated from the environment.


As a result of clever public relations campaigns, fluoride was magically transformed from an environmental pollutant to an "essential nutrient necessary for producing healthy teeth." The science was poor, but the P.R. campaign was great. It became an American staple and Industries not only made millions from selling this environmental pollutant to water companies and toothpaste companies, but more importantly, it saved billions of dollars that would be required to clean up this environmental pollutant.


So, what can you do to protect yourself from fluoride?

First, avoid fluoridated water. Boiling water removes chlorine, but concentrates fluoride. Water filters do not remove fluoride, unless there is a reverse osmosis component. Children should avoid fluoridated vitamins and fluoride treatments at the dentist. Everyone should avoid fluoridated toothpaste. Work on your legislators to get fluoride out of the water supplies. Buy a reverse osmosis system for filtering your drinking water. Do not allow your children to take fluoride supplements at home or at school.

The next time you go to the dentist, copy and paste the below form and ask your dentist to sign it before you accept the prescription for fluoride or have it put on your teeth in the little tray.

Please link others to this post and spread the word about the dangers of fluoride use!!!!

_____________________________________________________________

Affidavit

In my professional opinion as a currently licensed and practicing dentist in the state of ______________ the ingestion of supplements of hydrofluosilicic acid is safe, approved by the Food and Drug administration for ingestion and the American Medical Association for internal ingestion and I have disclosed all side effects to my patient.


As a licensed dentist, under penalty of perjury under the laws of the state of ___________ I hereby certify that the above statement is true and correct.


__________________ print name and title clearly

__________________ Signature of licensed dentist

__________________ Date

__________________ State of licensure

Toby Keith- Love me if you can

I must start off by saying that I don't like Toby Keith. I think he's good for banking on whatever the cash cow of the moment. His album "shock'n y'all" proved that. Making a buck off commercial patriotism. Didn't hear a damn thing 'bout the red white and blue until it was worth a buck.

He's been called "the voice of our generation".......... PUKE! If THAT'S the voice of our generation....... where do I take my name off the list? His music use to be decent, now it's pure bravado, sexism, and machoism, he's also a childish hypocrit .......aside from that, his new single totally has me hooked. I *gulp* actually feel it describes ME in a sense. Here's the chorus to that song.


"Love Me If You Can"

I'm a man of my convictions
Call me wrong, call me right
But I bring my better angels to every fight
You may not like where I'm goin'
But you sure know where I stand
Hate me if you want to
Love me if you can

Aside from the fact that I am not a man, I think it's pretty spot on. I'm not sure sometimes what I have more of, enemies or allies. But that's ok because as Eugene Debs said:

"When great changes occur in history, when great principles are involved, as a rule the majority are wrong. The minority are right."

A couple more quotes for today

It is time to get back to basics, time to go back to nature and ourselves. ~ Darina Stoyanova ~

And one the funniest comedians ever (whom I don't agree with on everything either)...... George Carlin

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"

"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think"

"The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election"

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept"

And just for shits and giggles...... some lovely quotes from our Commander in Chief



"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." —Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

“See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.”

I want each and every American to know for certain that I'm responsible for the decisions I make, and each of you are as well.

I've been talking to Vicente Fox, the new president of Mexico... I know him... to have gas and oil sent to U.S.... so we'll not depend on foreign oil.

They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

There ought to be limits to freedom.

Once again, America doesn't get it.

As promised, my views on the welfare system.

As a general rule, we are taught to look down on welfare recipeints. Why can't they get a job? Why can't these people just figure it out?

You might be surprised at how many people you know secretly get food stamps, childcare help, travel vouchers, Medical assistance of some type, even WIC could be considered welfare assistance. But why are SO many Americans in need of this type of assistance? And why do some people buck the system and take "more than their fair share"?

Once again, we are failing our own. It seems to generally go like this.....

We grow up dreaming of the job we will have. We spend thousands of dollars in college only to find that our "dream job" doesn't pay us enough to survive.

Did you know the average price of a home in this country is somewhere around $230,000? Ok, at roughly a 7% intrest rate you are paying a mortgage of roughly $640 per month. Let's figure your monthly living expenses from there, assuming you have 2 children, (slightly less than the national average)

Mortgage $640.00
Insurance $35.00
Taxes $125.00
Car payment $600.00 (2 vehicle family, you drive economy cars, used)
Car insurance $70.00 (assuming you have a good driving record)
Food $900 a month (your baby drinks formula btw)
Toiletries, cleaning, diapers etc $150.00
Heating/cooling/electricity $250.00 (again, low)
Gas $100.00 (we are saying you have a short commute)
Daycare $800.00 (national average is $7000/year/child in the US. I assumed you found a nice old granny instead)
Clothing $100.00
Healthcare insurance premiums/copays $600 (based on national averages)
Other household utilities $150
Student loan repayment $500
Credit card payment $200 (national average)


Now, notice I did not include luxury items like cable, internet, or even telephone. No dance lessons, trips to the movies, No Christmas, birthday presents. nothing. You are scraping by here, your kids have nothing to play with but sticks and rocks. You do not have a penny going into savings and do not give charitable donations. You do not drive anywhere but work. This simply covers the VERY BASIC necessities in this day and age in this country. I am also assuming here that you have health, dental, vision, prescription coverage, 1 in 6 americans do not.

Ok, so total up just those necessities and you get $62,440 per year in basic living expenses. Figuring that you both work 40 hours per week and deduct the average 17% of your income in taxes, social security, etc you EACH must earn over $19/hr just to afford LIVE. You need to bring in approximately $73,000 a year just to pay your bills.

Now, why are so many people on welfare? The "average" hourly pay last year for US workers was $15.04 per hour. On an average American income you can barely afford basic necessities when BOTH parents work!

So, given those numbers....... and I really did try to base everything on statistical reports. When I couldn't find one I guessed low..... Given those numbers, even a lot of above average paid workers in this country need some form of assistance just to get by.

The US census bureau for 2006 released these figures, defining the "classes" of income.

$97,032 & above - Upper income
$60,000 - $97,032 - Upper middle income
$37,774 - $60,000 - Middle income
$20,035 - $37,774 - Lower middle income
below $20,035 - Lower income

Given those figures. Even the upper middle class will struggle financially without some form of assistance. Where does YOUR income fit in?

Now. Consider that the average income limit for assistance (not includeing WIC) is net $1667 per month, which means in order to qualify for food stamps you would need to each make less than minimum wage for a family of 4. $5.21/her each, or $10.42 together. If the "average" family needs to make over $19/hr to pay the bills, and you need to make $5.21/hr to qualify for assistance that leaves a LOT of people out, getting no help at all. Even people making minimum wage won't qualify!!!!

So, before you dog on someone getting assistance......... think about just how bad off that person has to be just to qualify for that assistance.

Given this information it's no wonder at all that American women are being forced to run back to work before their babies cord stump is even dry. The United states does not have a provision for paid maternity leave so we get 6 weeks unpaid on average. Let's take a look at other countries for a moment and how they help keep mothers and babies together for that critical bonding time. Percentages are of the mothers working income. This is paid BY THE GOVERNMENT and does not include provisions in place by the mothers own employer.

Austria
16 weeks
100%

Belgium
15 weeks
82% for 30 days, then 75%

France
16-26 weeks
100%

Germany
14 weeks
100%

Italy
5 months
80%

Switzerland
8 weeks
100%


Japan
14 weeks
60%

Russia
140 days
100%

Singapore
8 weeks
100%

Israel
12 weeks
75%

Ireland
14 weeks
70% or fixed rate

Sweden
15 mnths (either parent)
75% for 12 mnths, then flat rate

Canada
17-18 weeks
55% for 15 weeks

Also note that many countries give new parents a one time cash benefit of $3,000-$8,000 upon the birth of a child. This is NOT considered a welfare hand out, but a basic right to citizens.

A point that must be made is the United States' blind stab at something similar in the per child tax credit and Earned Income tax credits (currently being phased out) which give lower income families deductions on income taxes for children. This is NOT always a refund, and only applies to people in the low to low-middle tax brackets, which we've already learned is well below what should be considered poverish.

Is it a wonder the population of the United States is on the decline? Is it a wonder we have so many homeless, starving people in this country. Is it a wonder that our welfare rolls are busting at the seams? And is it any wonder that babies are spending more time in daycare than with thier parents?

Again, WE, as a country are FAILING OUR CHILDREN!

living without Alex 9-16-07

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2007 02:15 PM, CDT

this post moved from Alex's original blog


Why do some kids get thier miracles and some don't? I don't know that I will ever understand that. I find myself envious of people who get it. It's very strange to read the story of a kid who made it back from deaths door and have this strangely sad feeling. Most people read stories like that and feel better about life, I do not.

I've been trying to get myself back in my "happy place". I tried to find a counselor to talk to and none are taking new patients that my insurance covers...... it figures.

Many people don't really know this about me but I've had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder since childhood. (I know, if you've seen my disaster of a house you are really surprised huh?) And it's really flared up again. I almost don't even notice it until I'll be instinctively making all the vents in the car perfectly straight or something and Craig will just mess them all up and tell me it's OK if they don't all face perfectly forward...... no it's not! hehe We joke about it a lot because it's really just stupid things like that, but it's just the overwhelming need to have certain things perfect. Hard to explain.

It's not just silly things either, the obsessive thoughts are what is debilitating. The "death monster" that I spoke of before. It's like if I don't do the "rituals" then something bad is going to happen. You'd think people with OCD would live in immaculately clean surroundings. That's not really true. The silly rituals get in the way of things and some days you can spend hours just making sure every sock in the drawer is folded the right way, that the other stuff doesn't get done. So while my house may be a rat trap, there is something that is perfect....... dumb eh?

Anyway. I'm working on it. I go back and forth with it getting bad and then it becoming nearly nonexistant. Now that i've realized that's what this is I just have to recognize it and deal with it and get it to regress again.

But for now, don't mess with my vents! hehe

Well, that was fun

Just a quick note on the previous post. I have to clarify again that when I say that WE are failing our children I do NOT mean that if you coudln't breastfeed, or even if you could and didn't succeed that you are a failure. YOU didn't fail.......... your fellow women, your "village" did.

We need to educate our fellow women, support them, help them succeed. We need to find better ways of getting breastmilk to babies when they cannot get it from their own mothers. We need to stop always looking for the easy way to fix a problem and start fixing it the right way.

Check back in a few days for my sure to be a problem post about welfare! And don't assume you know what my opinion will be on it, I'll bet you'll be wrong!

Anyway, moving on.

I have so many things to do today so here I am sitting at the computer. We found a free garage sale yesterday and I got the kids a lot of new clothes. So my laundry room has once again vomited into my kitchen. We haven't gotten the plug put in for the 220 downstairs so we can run the second dryer, really need to do that!

My house is a sty lately. A 14 room house is NOT easy to keep clean while caring for 6 little mess makers. Nate is a totally cling-on lately and must be held by me at all times. If I so much as walk to the other side of the room he's crying. Poor daddy is feeling a bit like chopped liver. Now he knows how I feel when Shay, as a baby chose him as her favorite! On one hand it's really neat to know that he trusts and loves me that much, on the other I really wish I could use the bathroom in peace at least once a day!

We have to get rid of our cats. Craig's allergies aside, they are driving me crazy. They now have decided that they love Nate's pacifiers. And steal them out of the bed in the middle of the night to take off and chew on them! It's getting a bit expensive! At first they'd steal em out of his bed, well then he decided he'd rather sleep with us anyway and now they come up in OUR bed and steal it. I've had enough! So, if anyone wants a kitty........ I will hook you right up!

For those of you who've been posting in the guestbook at our 9 year olds website, he loves it! Keep it going. If you would like to keep up with him and what's going on right now with his health please email me at kat_76_99@yahoo.com and I'll give you the url. I'm not going to post it here after what happened with our other son's site. As long as that person still has access to this blog, I can't be in full confidence here unfortunately.

Oh, try something fun (ie: scary) once. Google your name, your kids' names. See what you come up with, it's scary. www.google.com

If you are easily offended....

Please keep reading.



I just finished that book I mentioned a few posts ago. Milk, Money, Madness by Naomi Baumslag. I haven't been able to get the following photo out of my head in days....



Photo courtesy of Unicef, Children's Hospital... Pakistan

















"This picture tells two stories: most obviously, about the often fatal consequences of bottle-feeding; more profoundly, about the age-old bias in favour of the male. The child with the bottle is a girl - she died the next day. Her twin brother was breastfed. This woman was told by her mother-in-law that she didn't have enough milk for both her children, and so should breastfeed the boy. But almost certainly she could have fed both children herself, because the process of suckling induces the production of milk. However, even if she found that she could not produce sufficient milk - unlikely as that would be - a much better alternative to bottle-feeding would have been to find a wet-nurse. Ironically, this role has sometimes been taken by the grandmother. In most cultures, before the advent of bottle-feeding, wet-nursing was a common practice.
"Use my picture if it will help", said the mother. "I don't want other people to make the same mistake."- Source: Unicef


Think about that for a moment. Just THINK about it. I know, you are thinking "Ok, in 3rd world countries yes..... not breastfeeding probably is this dangerous" Right? Well chew on this.... for every 1,000 births in DEVELOPED countries, there are 77 hospital admissions for formula fed babies in the first 4 months of life, while only five breastfed infants will be admitted to the hospital in that same timeframe. In the united states, 75 million dollars per year is spent for pediatric visits alone for diarreah, 70% of which is caused from Rotavirus, a bacteria in which breastfeeding has a known preventative effect.


Did you know that "low supply" essentially did NOT EXIST before formula was invented? It took very little work unfortunately to convince worried new mothers that thier bodies would fail.


I know, I know......... pediatricians say............ ask your pediatrician just once how much money he/she gets from formula companies in kick backs. I'm sure they will tell you none..... that will likely be a lie. Even your hospital, the one than hands out the diaper bags? Formula companies agreed to be in compliance with the WHO code, in an effort to stop being sued all the time. The WHO code states that they cannot give formula samples. Do they blatenly ignore this? Yes. More frightening is that they've found wonderful loopholes. They pay hospitals a set amount each year, the hospital in turn uses that money to purchase formula sample diaper bags from the formula companies.....end result? The hospital is distributing the samples, not the formula company.


I won't go on and on, lets just say that even I was blown away reading this book. And contrary to what you would think it isn't written in a dogmatic way, the facts themselves speak volumes.

And something we rarely stop to think about. Do you know how many formula recalls have occured in the last 10 years? Not to say the factories that produce it are unclean, but anything produced by human hands or machines risks being contaminated...... even infant formula. Not to mention that powdered formula is the most widely sild form of formula to the poor....... in many countries those people don't even have access to clean water to mix with it!


Why is cow's milk used as a base for infant formulas even though many other animals milks are a much better match to human milk? Money. Cow's milk is cheap. And with the BGH hormone now being given to cows (which has a known carcinogenic effect) it's even cheaper.

The chief executive of Enfamil takes home over 12 million dollars per year.....


I learned a lot from this book. I learned that my son will never, if I can help it, have formula.... ever. I am proud that he has been given the best start in life, every baby deserves to be breastfed........I've said it once and i'll say it again... WE, as a society ARE FAILING OUR CHILDREN. We need to step it up people. Do right by your own kids and help others to do the same. It takes a village to raise a child.

Bring on the hatemail! Again!

I've decided that I'm finally ready to write the book I have been planning for a while. It will tenatively be called "Broken dreams" and will focus on having and losing an ill child and grieving. There is no grief like that of a bereaved parent and people don't understand and don't know how to respond to us. I am collaborating with other bereaved parents and will be sharing the stories of their children in the book. So far it's coming pretty easily, I'm surprised.

C1 has an interview for a new job on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes.

We are having some health issues with one of our boys. It's been stressfull.

living without Alex 9-4-07

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 04, 2007 08:24 AM, CDT

This post was moved from Alex's original blog


In a wierd way, i've spent the past almost 18 months in a sort of denial. To ask me I would have vehemently swore that I was not in denial, I was coping the best way I could. But I was/am.

I don't think i've ever taken the time to totally process. When Alex was born and got sick, those weeks were such a constant roller coaster. There was never any downtime to think. I never had the chance to really say "Ok, my child was born gravely ill, this is our reality"

After he died, we threw ourselves into things, we got pregnant with Nathan, again, never taking the time to process. To really accept that our child died.

Now that things are leveling out. I find myself realizing that my child was born, he was critically ill, and he died. HE DIED! I read stories of other kids who have died and I feel such a deep sympathy for thier families, it's like I don't realize sometimes that I am one of them.

I remember the Monday before Alex died, the day when the inate "knowing" took over and without being told, I knew he was going to die. I remember making the kids lunch and crying that whole day. Hailey asked what was wrong and I just blurted out "I think Alex is going to die"..... I felt SO bad about saying that, watching the tears well up in her eyes. Yes he had taken a turn for the worse but there had never been a time when anyone said to me "you know, Alex probably isn't going to pull through". I started to question myself. Why would I say that to her?! A child!

That afternoon at the hospital I talked to the child-family life specialist and I didn't tell him that I had told Hailey that, but he said something to me that made a ton of sense. He told me that the worst thing I could do is hide from my kids. They KNOW when something is going on without being told and if you don't say anything, they get scared and upset. If you say it, then at least they know what's going on. You see, kids have a great way of making other people's problems about them. Not that they are selfish, they just always think that if an adult is upset it's somehow thier fault. So by saying what I said, Hailey knew that I was upset about Alex, and it wasn't her fault.

This grieving process. It's hard to get a handle on. There is no right or wrong way to do it and that makes it extremely difficult to know if the things I do, my coping mechanisms, are they normal or abnormal? Am I grieving in a "healthy" way, or not?

I suppose I'm greiving in my way. And that makes it the right way. I just wish someone would come along and tell me how I can put this behind me....how I can understand.

He's been on my mind a lot more than usual lately. It struck me odd the other day when I saw a kid who had a feeding tube and the mom was tending to his needs. I got sad and thought how I wish I had the opportunity. Who WISHES for a sick child? It's so strange, like I was robbed of being mom to an Alex who would have been normal and healthy, but then I was robbed of an Alex who was sick and needed such indepth care. I had prepared myself for spending the rest of my life tending to his needs with medications, doctor visits, surgeries, procedures. And I'm grieving THAT too. I guess anything you prepare for and dont' get is a loss.....

School is back in session baby!

Ok, almost. Tomorrow my 2 oldest start school, and Wednesday thier 3 younger siblings. Stupid you say? Why have kids in the same district start school on different days? That's asinine? Yes.

For the past 2 years the hateful evil wench we call a principal and her sidekick nasty demon spawn administrator have made it so that the elementary school starts a day behind the middle and high schools. Instead of going to school the first day, these children AND thier parents (who's jobs apparently mean nothing) must be at the school at a time designated by the principal to meet teachers, listen to the same lecture over and over, fill out paperwork that must have stripped a good sized forest, pay fees, pad lunch accounts, donate to the PTO..... THEN you walk down a hall where the area dentist, doctor, construction company, whatever hands your child advertisement pencils and bookmarks and whatever else. This all takes no less than 2 hours.......... if you have one child. I, this year again, will have THREE in that school. It will be a full day.

So. All the crap is bought. initials marked on every pencil, eraser, ruler, and backpack (yes, every pencil......... it's required). All the school clothes hung neatly for the first day. Everything in order......

Until......... the night-before-the-first-day-ever-of-middle-school-and-if-i-don't-have-everything-perfect-i'll-just-DIE drama queen comes home from her day at the MN state fair with Grandma. A 30 minute tirade/try to get mom to convince someone to open the mall tonight so that I can get THE perfect outfit ends with everything she owns on her bedroom floor.

Guess who refused to try on any of her clothes in the store? Guess who was too busy with her social obligations to try any of her school clothes on EVER? Guess who is wearing a boys belt tomorrow to keep her pants up? HAHAHAHAHA sorry chicka.... you will live through it.

Boys are so easy in comparison. Austin doesn't really care if he wears holey sweatpants to school let alone THE perfect pair of jeans from Abercrombie. (yes, this is the same child that last week talked of wanting to donate all her money to charity.... funny)

That's ok............ wait til her dad sees the shirt she thinks she's getting out of the house in tomorrow.............. i'll update with round 2 of the "school clothes war" tomorrow

Show me the money...

Ok so I said I was going to blog about baby Einstein.... that is still coming. Ok so I haven't even written it yet but I've thought about it so that's a good step in the right direction.

I am just about to begin reading a book called "Milk, Money, Madness". I assure you there will be a lengthy blog entry following my completion of it.

So. This entry is about money. I was talking to my oldest daughter yesterday and the conversation, as it does a lot with her, turned to money. She's in that age, where vanity pretty much runs the show and thier biggest stressor is what if Britney wears the SAME thing I do to school the first day...... Remember being 12?

So, she says to me:

Momma? What would you do if you won the lottery?

Now I have put a lot of thought into this question, much like every other person on the planet I'm sure. My answer tends to be a little different than the average Joe though.

I asked her to answer first. And my daughter, this beautiful girl who it seems just yesterday was toddling around in my shoes playing dress up (her feet are now bigger than mine), who I swear just last week graduated pre-kindergarten says the most intelligent, most caring, most compassionate, and most well thought thing I've ever heard.

Well..... I would first buy us a house. But not a HUGE house, just a house big enough for us to be comfortable and not cramped. Then I'd buy grandma and auntie J and uncle A houses too.... the just right kind too. Then, I'd buy you all dependable cars if you didn't already have them, so that everyone can be safe....

I TOTALLY at this point expected my daughter to start in with HER personal wish list. A convertible maybe? A horse? All the clothes at Gap?

My child people is the most wonderful 12 year old girl I've ever met. Because instead of telling me what she would buy for herself or her friends, she told me something that made my heart melt and tears stream down my face.

And THEN, she told me..... I would watch people.

I asked her what she meant by watch people.

"I would watch people, like a single mom who's busting her butt trying to pay the rent? I'd buy her a house. And the guy who walks to his job at McDonalds in the cold every winter? You remember him? I'd buy him a car. Just show up with it one day and ring his doorbell and run away so he didn't know who it was......

And then I'd find some sick kids who didn't have money for treatments. Like S's friend N who needed the cochlear implants? Weren't those like $100,000? Yeah kids like her. And I'd give thier moms and dads the money so they could hear again, see again, walk again.

And I'd go to big cities and I'd find the homeless people and most people say they would buy them lunch, but I wouldn't do that. I would really HELP them. Like find out why they are homeless... what happened? Was it drugs? injury or illness? And if they needed drug treatment I would pay for it, and when they graduated I would help them find a job and an apartment.

By this time I'm crying visibly. She asks me what is wrong and I tell her to continue because hers is the most beautiful wish I've ever heard.

She continues for another few minutes about the various types of people and what she would do to help them better thier lives. She has REALLY thought this through, it's amazing.

Then she stops and says

"But I'll never win the lottery or anything like that" I ask her why...

"Because did you ever see the people who win the lottery? When they get asked what they are going to do with the money they always say things like travel, or buy a big fancy house, or leave it to make sure thier kids are rich........

So I've decided that I think money really IS evil. So since I want to do good with it the devil will never allow me to have it. God doesn't control it at all, the devil does....... and I never want to join his side even if it means I could help people. Because money isn't the only way. Like the lady I helped with her groceries today, all these grown ups walked around her cause she was moving slow and I helped her with her bags and she was a very nice lady, she gave me $10 and wouldn't take it back............ do you know what I did with it?

She just looked at me, this sly grin on her face for a bit..... "I flushed it down the toilet, take THAT Devil!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now tell me. How did I get lucky enough in life to be the mom to a pre-teen like this. I must not be completely screwing up after all!

Did you know that the average American gives 10% of his income to charity and the average millionaire gives only 4%?

My kid is better than yours

What is it with people feeling the need to compare children. I see/hear this constantly. A mother can't help herself; when she hears another mother excitedly talk about her baby, but chime in with her own story about how her child walked at 3 days old and was speaking full sentences at 2 months and went to princeton before most kids potty train.

Why? Why can't we accept that our children are unique individuals and they learn wonderful new things every day? Why do we feel the need to have the smartest, biggest, most astute children on the planet?

My own children are lazy. I'll admit it. My 3rd child didn't walk til he was nearly a year and half. He does it perfectly now. My daughter didn't crawl til almost a year..... they just had to implement a gifted program for her and a couple other students last year. My oldest was very quick to learn..... he now averages a D in school. Yet they all have strengths and weaknesses that make them who they are. They won't be good at everything, they will downright be awful at something, and they will excel at something else. That is perfectly fine with me.

I have more to write later, on the "baby einstein" phenomenon, but for now I must save the kittens from my 2 year old neice. I think I heard one say "help".

Bubba's site is back!

More proof that evil never wins!

Distracted nurser

So, Nathan now has better things to do than nurse. He will nurse and get the foremilk then want to switch and get the foremilk on the second side and then he's done. His weight gain is tanking a bit and I think it's cause he just won't nurse long enough to get the hindmilk. I've tried getting him to stay on the first side and he just won't do it. I'm frustrated! Any tips?

100 things about me

Oh hell, I haven't yet done one of these so I guess I'll do it. Let's see how many I get done before N wakes up.

1. I'm 31 years old
2. I have the best husband on the planet
3. Our 10 year anniversary is next month
4. No one thought we'd last a year
5. We got married 9 months and 3 days after we first met
6. Our first child together was born 4 months later
7. We have 8 kids between us
8. 2 are mine, 1 is his, and 5 are ours
9. Only 7 of them are living
10. 1 of them lives in ND with his maternal grandparents
11. We wish he could live here, but that will never be possible
12. Our living children range from age 16 to 7 months
13. I had my first child at 17
14. His sister came along not quite 2 years later
15. I don't know my father
16. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers
17. I only claim 1 of each
18. My baby brother got married this year
19. In January he had no kids.... in October he'll have a third
20. His wife had a daughter before they met, his ex had his baby in May, thiers is due in Oct
21. He's so cute driving a mini van
22. 21 done? that's all?!
23. Despite having 6 kids and being a Doula.... I have little patience
24. Yet I am a procrastinator
25. I start projects all the time and never finish them
26. Right now I need to make C some chef's pants
27. I was raised by a single mother, on welfare
28. It wasn't a bad childhood.
29. My mom was always there
30. When I was 12 she moved us with nothing but our clothes to another city
31. And worked full time
32. I had to be mom to my brother (2) and my sister (8)
33. I resented my mom for that for many years
34. I don't anymore
35. That experience though paved the way for many of my beliefs now
36. I will probably breastfeed N til he's 2 or 3
37. Definitely not in high school
38. I love having 6 kids
39. It's not as stressfull as you'd think
40. I don't love having to drive a huge vehicle
41. I currently drive a suburban
42. I can't park it
43. I would love to have more kids
44. if my health improves
45. I'd adore twins
46. Maybe
47. My mom was a twin
48. Her sister died at birth
49. My mother had 7 living siblings
50. My grandfather worked for Al Capone
51. I am related to the late Mother Theresa
52. My grandfather died when my mother was only 9
53. My grandmother died when she was 19
54. My uncle died when she was 29
55. My Aunt Mary broke the "10 year curse" by refusing to die when my mother was 39
56. She has smoked like a chimney for 50 years
57. She's the healthiest person I know
58. Aside from her, I don't like my extended family
59. They are snobs
60. I've been called a snob
61. In some ways, they are right
62. I didn't speak as a child outside my home
63. I was that shy
64. My son has sensory integration dysfunction
65. It was caught and treated early
66. He's a "normal" 4 year old today
67. I am an organ donor
68. If my son could have used my heart, I would have cut it out myself
69. He had Tetralogy of Fallot with pulmonary atresia and absent pulmonary artery
70. big words for big problems
71. He was perfect in my eyes
72. His nurse use to call him a "bad egg"
73. That still makes me laugh
74. I found out after N was born that his name means "God's Gift"
75. He has an "angel kiss" birthmark on his nose
76. His ped said it should go away before he's a year
77. I secretly hope it doesn't. It's from his brother
78. If I had a million dolllars I would give it all away
79. Probably to stem cell research
80. I consider myself a democrat by default
81. I don't like the president
82. I don't know who i'll vote for in '08
83. It doesn't matter anyway
84. I have green eyes and red hair
85. I'm irish and polish
86. My oldest daughter is half native american
87. She is gorgeous
88. I always said her biological father would have made a pretty girl
89. He did
90. He isn't in her life
91. He's a homeless drunk
92. My oldest son is very involved with his father
93. As it shoudl be
94. I actually got through this whole thing during N's nap
95. I have had many jobs
96. A photographer, a bartender, a waitress
97. I served Cindy Crawfords family at her sisters wedding
98. I made $500 that day
99. We made $9,000 combined our first year of marriage
100. We seemed to have more money then

Would you nurse someone else's child? Let someone nurse yours?

Ok, time to do what I always do. Pick myself up, dust myself off and stop having a pity party. It's not going to help anything. I've learned a valuable lesson...... caring mothers are capable of ANYTHING if they feel like they have lost a couple bucks.... even deactivating websites of dead children, yes even that.

Ok. moving on. Would you nurse someone else's child? Most of us will imediately say no, myself included. But really think about it and you might surprise yourself.

When my friend was pregnant my littlest pack member was 3 months old. She had always had trouble nursing her kids before but I convinced her that it was well worth it to just give it one more shot.

When her daughter was about...... 6 weeks old or so and not gaining the "ounce a day" they thought she should my friend thought that the babys latch was the problem. I watched her nurse and couldn't SEE a problem at all except the baby seemed to pop off a lot for a 6 week old.

That's when my friend, exasperated dropped the bombshell on me.

"Kat........ will you try nursing her and see what the problem is?"

I went through about a 6 second speed monologue in my head that went something like this... "WHAT?! I can't nurse your child! A child is suppose to drink his MOTHERS milk not someone else's! You are insane! I would NEVER let another woman nurse my child, no WAY..... OH MY GOD!"

The words that came out of my mouth, instead, was a pretty meek "ok" Gulp.

She handed me her baby and I proceded to nurse her. It wasn't as uncomfortable as I'd imagined. The baby nursed very well and fell promptly into what I call the "milk coma". I never was able to define a problem myself, but lo and behold from that day forward she nursed from her own mother like a champ! Who knows! I think it may have had something to do with a boost in moms confidence that her daughter WAS in fact able to nurse just fine.

So, would you ever nurse someone else's child? Under what circumstances? What about letting another mother nurse yours?

Memories

I didn't sleep last night. I spent the night frantic with a pen and paper, going through Alex's box writing down any and all memories I still had. Whoever deleted his site..... I hope you slept well. I contacted them and they said the site was deleted by someone logging in with the password. I guess it's my fault for making the password too easy. I guess there really are people in the world who would go to those lengths. I hope you are happy and content. I hope you remember my son's face, because some days I have to look at pictures to do so. I'm certain I'll never find out who did it, but they know what they did and they will have to live with that.

I don't remember things. They say that in the first year of your childs life you retain 5%. I guess that number drops if you lose that child. Last night for the first time in a long time I looked at his little blood stained booties, his little lock of hair, the cute little flowers that hung over his head in his bed at the hospital. At least you didn't take those things away.

I know the people that are angry at me and did this to me visit this blog. And maybe I shouldn't give them the benefit of knowing how much this hurts me. I just hope that when everything is squared away with what they thought I did to them....... someone can come forward and admit what you've done. I admit I screwed up at least.

All I ask is, can you please leave my family alone now? Take your problems up with me but please don't hurt my family members any more. I made a mistake and trusted someone I shouldn't have and now I have to fix it, but you have taken something from my family that we can NEVER get back. All those journal entries, when I was in my darkest hour.... the journal entries that I hoped someday my children could read over and gain some understanding....... you took that from them! From my sister, brother, mother......... you took a peice of us. Hope it was worth it. You win.

The first Happy Meal

And McDonald's thought they had invented the Happy Meal!













*this is not my baby or my photo. It was sent to me in an email. If you know who the photo belongs to let me know so I can credit them!

Makes ya think!

I got this off a message board I frequent. It is Obviousely a satire on breastfeeding. I think it is wonderful...

WHY I CHOOSE NOT TO USE A CAR SEAT
Author unknown

I refuse to feel guilty for making an educated choice to not put mybaby in a car seat. There are so many militant car seat users in our society and I am tired of them pushing their beliefs on me. There are lots of reasons I have made this choice. First of all, I want my husband to be able to drive him around in his car. He can just sit him on his lap when they go for a ride. This will help him bond and be closer with our son. I don't want to be the only one that drives him around. It makes my husband, mother and friends feel special when they can take him for rides. I will be returning to work in 6 weeks and I don't want a big old car seat in the back of our luxury car.

I never put my first son in a car seat and he is just fine. I was never in a carseat, neither was my mother and we are both as healthy as can be. On the otherhand, my sister in law's cousin used a car seat and her child was seriously injured in a car wreck. My aunt tried to use a car seat and wasn't able to. She was never able to latch the baby in the seat properly. In fact, my car is too small for a car seat anyway. What matters most is that my baby is healthy and happy. When I left the hospital, they told me that I should try to use the carseat, but if it didn't work out that it was all right to not use it. Infact, in the diaper bag that I received from the hospital, it has some information for how to safely ride in the car with my son without a carseat. I tried for 1 week to use a car seat with my first son and it made both of us miserable. I told my pediatrician about it, and he said it would probably be best to not use a car seat anymore. Now he is happy and content sitting on my lap as we drive. Using a car seat is just so inconvenient!

My privacy is also an issue. Do I want everyone to know when they see my car that I have a child??? Besides, my children need to learn how to ride in the car without being in the car seat. I don't want a 3 year old still wanting to get in his seat! I know that using a car seat has some benefits, but there are a lot of people out there who don't use them and their kids are just fine! There are people out there that cannot use a car seat (can't latch baby in properly, car is too small, doesn't match with the interior).

Using a car seat is a personal choice and nobody's business. As aparent I have made the decision for what is best for my child. It works bestfor us and our child.....and that is all that is important. It's my choiceafter all, isn't it??

If you happen to know WHO the author of this is, I would like to give her credit. Leave a comment!

Gosh

You know, I really don't have much to say. Had a unit meeting at the hospital today. Oy. Let's just say that one of the big reasons I never wanted to work for a hospital, and the initial reason I quit nursing school.... was because I don't want to have to deal with all the CRAP hospital employees do. I feel really sorry for nurses.......... I find it very difficult to just sit there and keep my trap shut about this stuff (because it doesn't have anything to do with me or my job) because some of it is just sooo rediculous. I needed that meeting today, I was contemplating going back to college and finishing my RN............. now i've come to my senses.

N and C are both feeling better. N's a little snotty but otherwise he's in a better mood at least.

This weekend I have a meeting with a patient on Saturday morning, then Saturday afternoon I'm taking the kids over to my brothers' house to go snuggle the new baby. Monday is our annual family trip to the water park, next Saturday one of C's friends is getting married. And sometime I have to fit in spending hundreds of dollars on school supplies. YeeeeHAwww

Oh, and before I go. I was watching a show and they did a poll on breastfeeding in public. THIRTY PERCENT of people said they don't think people should nurse babies in public! Ladies!!!!! We have a LOT of work to do!

living without Alex 8-8-07

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 08, 2007 06:09 PM, CDT

This post was moved from Alex's original blog


Today I'm struggling. I'm fighting back the tears. I have sat here all day feeling like there was something I needed to do but I can't figure out what it is. Slowly it has crept up on me, the sadness.

I feel like I missed my opportunity to grieve. I shoved it all away for so long and now the people who were once there don't even know I still struggle as much as I do. I can't bring it up to Craig,. I can't make him sad.

So I deal with it alone. It isn't fair that I have to live every day in panic. Have you ever had a panic attack? Try having one for a year and a half straight and not telling anyone. I really don't know how physically I can keep going on like this, honestly. Stress isn't good for anybody and the constant unrelenting stress all day every day............ oy.

Yesterday we were at the grocery store. Nathan was in his new shopping cart cover (I've become a germ-a-phobe) andhe got tired so I laid him down it in on h is little matching pillow. Craig was pushing and I looked over from my shopping list and in my mind....... he was in a coffin.

I feel like there are these death monsters beating down the door all the time. Just waiting for a chance to come in and steal me, Craig, or one of the kids away forever. Nathan is sleeping.... is he breathing? Jacksen has a leg cramp.... is it cancer? Christian is tired today...... is he gravely ill? I have a headache...... is it a tumor? I have to go to the store, but I can't go because it's Saturday evening and there might be a drunk driver. I need a filling, the lidocaine makes my heart race..... will I have a heart attack? Craig has a cold....... is it lung cancer?

Can you imagine living life like that? That's an ALL DAY thing for me.

I'm tired. Physically tired, emotionally tired.

UPDATE a few hours later:

I think I just need to continue to use this journal sometimes just to rant and vent and cry. Then I can pick up and dust off .I have felt a lot better since I posted this entry. I am going to make an appt in the morning with a counselor. Maybe they can't help me, maybe they can't understand.... but maybe I need one place where I can just be REAL for an hour a week..

Oy, can summer be over?

I've just been SO busy lately. My sister being sick, plus I've got a sick husband, a sick baby, husbands new business. Getting kids ready for school......... it's just a freaking mess.

Not to mention it's been really bloody hot for weeks now. Today I'm waiting to hear how my friends little girl is doing, she is at the hospital for a heart catheterization procedure. I would have loved to go and support the family, but I just couldn't sit in THAT waiting room...... the waiting room I spent sooo many hours in... agony. I'm just not strongn enough for that yet. So I am praying from here that the test goes well and the results are as expected.

Anyway, more later.. crying sick baby

It must run in the family

,On Sunday afternoon my little sister calls me, crying. Now to let you know how significant her crying is, you'll want to know 2 things. First off? She's an officer in the "hole" of a supermax prison. The "hole" houses the worst of the worst, prisoners that are far too dangerous to be in the general population of even one of the countries toughest prisons, a prison that houses the worst offenders from all over the country, people no one else will even take.

The second thing you'll want to know is that before Sunday, the only time I had ever seen or heard my sister cry since she was wearing clothing who's size ended with a T was last March, the day my son died. My sister does not cry. My sister does not ask for help, show fear, or even accept help.

So you can see why her crying made me panic. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Hello?
Her: Hey Kats, I need to ask you something....
ME: Ok
HER: Well, I've had the stomach flu since Tuesday, haven't kept anything down..... and well today I went to get into the shower and blacked out, I woke up on the bathroom floor and I don't know how long I was there. And I have really bad stomach cramps.
ME: OMG, are you ok right now?
HER: (crying) yeah...
ME: I'm coming to get you and take you to the hospital. Call 911 if you need to go before I get there.
HER: OK.....

Now, I live hours from my sisters house. It's another half hour from there to the hospital where she needs to go. I have 5 of my kids plus S has a friend over, C is at work. Thankfully I was able to get ahold of him and he was able to find a replacement. I called my mom and she came and picked me up and we drove to my sisters house.

When we got to her house she could barely walk. We got her in the car and to the hospital and they of course wanted a urine sample. She took it to the bathroom and when she came out she was very pale and turned to me and said "can you take this into them? I can't walk that far". I grab the biohazard bag with the cup in it and glance down to see that her urine is the color of red wine...

I take it back and the nurses do a double take. I went back out to sit with her and she just got more and more pale. Now my sister is about as white as a white person this side of albino can be and she got WHITER, I thought in a minute we'd be able to see through her.

They called her back again and my mom and I sat in the waiting room for a bit. After a while I couldn't handle it anymore so I went back in the ED and found her to sit with her. She had an IV in and they said that her urine showed she was very jaundiced (apparently red wine urine is bad...... ya think?) and they were waiting on her blood work and ordered an xray, she was quite content with the big ole dose of Dilaudid they gave her though. She went for her xray and when she returned the doctor came in and said that her blood work showed that her liver enzymes were elevated, not surprisingly with the bili level of the urine. He asked her what she did for a living and when she told him you could see the "oh shit" look in his face. You seee, a good 1/3 of the prison population has Hepatitis C and the department of corrections can't be bothered to buy nice quality gloves for thier officers.......

When he left I asked my sister if she had been knowingly exposed at work. She said "not lately". I did not offer my worries that she may have hep C but I think she knew what I was getting at.

They sent her down for a sonogram of her belly and thankfully her liver was not enlarged. Her gallbladder however was full of stones and one was completely blocking the common bile duct, which was causing her liver to respond in such angry ways. They admitted her and had her gallbladder and common bile duct (which was severely inflamed and infected) out less than 12 hours later.

I ended up driving home Sunday night and driving back monday morning, all with about 2 hours of sleep. My sister was discharged today and is bored but healthy at my moms house right now. Oddly enough, my mom and I lost our gallbladders within a year of each other (I was 24 at the time) and now my sister had hers out at 26, word of warning little brother....... lol

Every parents nightmare

Every mother pushes the thought from her mind. The thought that something could happen to her child. It wakes us from our sleep, we think we would fail to survive it.

Some of us have for whatever reason have to live it. Somehow we do survive it but how much of our soul is still intact isn't always certain.

It started with the vasectomy, kind of strange isn't it? Then the reversal. Then by the grace of God the positive pregnancy test. An uneventful pregnancy, perfect in every aspect until at 36 weeks my water broke.


He was born in January 2006 at 2:32am. A petite 4 lbs 14 oz. The next 16 hours were pure exhausted bliss. Until he stopped breathing...

That night we heard the dreaded words that would change our lives. Heart defect. We traveled to one hospital to stabalize him, then another to fix him.

We lived in a Ronald Mcdonald house for over 6 weeks.
Our lives turned on it's nose. Normal became a thing of the past. Our lives were dictated by every breath of a ventilator, every blood test, every ultrasound, CT scan. They say it's a roller coaster. It is. Imagine that feeling as you are going up the track.... the anticipation. Then imagine going over the hill to the first big drop. The track could well derail and hit the ground.... or it could be fine and climb another hill only to drop again. There is no certainty. So many days and nights I would sit in his room, 3 or 4 chairs aligned in a row with doctors and me just sitting there with baited breath waiting for Alex to show us all what to do next.


Alex showed us strength far beyond anyone's comprehention. So many times he pulled through from deaths door. He taught us to live in the moment, because you never know what the next may bring.

Alex showed us patience. He endured so much to stay with us until the moment we were strong enough to live without him.

The day he died changed my already changed world. My children now knew that children die. My husband and I now completely understood the uncertainty and precariousness of life. We learned to take each day as the gift that it is and never let one day go by where you are not happy with the way you lived it. It might be your last.

The day we put his tiny body in the ground made me realize that in an instant, life is over. It's that quick. You live, you die, you are put in the ground, and people walk away. All that really matters is what you do between the day you are born and the day you die. How many lives you touch, how many lives you make better in some tiny way.


So, from that day forward, I have tried and will continue to try to make each day count. I will try to live without regret. I will try to teach others the lessons that my son taught me. I learned more in 6 weeks than I will teach in a lifetime.

Out of the mouth of doctors

So, if this even posts at all (lately my posts haven't been)

Today our doctor actually said the words "I wish I could just NOT find something with one of your kids"....

How's that for confidence? It's wierd, my kids have always been terribly healthy. They almost never even get colds or the flu, or gosh I don't even think all of them have vomited once in thier lifetime. But lately? One thing after another.

Today was N and Ss "well child" check ups. I'll start with N since, thankfully, he checked out wonderfully. He's 14 lbs 4 oz and 25 inches long. He's on the whopping THIRD percentile lol. But, if you've ever seen my husband or my boys...... you are just nodding your head right now.
Aside from being a peanut, he's developmentally right on track. She said she does suspect he may be allergic to dairy because of his extreme (hours of forceful vomiting) reactions to formula but right now as long as he's still nursing we aren't going to worry too much.

Now onto S.
A year ago, she was diagnosed with mild thoracic juevenile scoliosis. What this means is that she has a curve in her spine in the thoracic region of her spine which is the upper part of her back. It was very mild at the time and the doc just wanted to watch it. Unfortunately, getting diagnosed with scoliosis before your teen years isn't a good thing.....

It's not a good thing because it progresses quickly. 90% of kids diagnosed before age 10 have progression, and 65% end up requiring surgery. Scoliosis surgery is the most difficult and most risky orthopedic surgery there is with the longest recovery time........ and it's not a sure thing.

Ok, back to S. Today, the doctor noticed her curve was worse. Her shoulders are also now uneven. We were sent for x-rays (S got to be the first patient to use the new digital x-ray machine) and we now wait for the radiologist to painstakingly measure the misalignment and degree of rotation in her spine. Once he gets that information to the pediatrician we will know if we are to take a wait and watch approach, brace her, do surgery, or what.

So yeah, one thing after another. And I have a ton of things to write about and updatge you all on but blogger has been such an ass lately I haven't been able to. Maybe it's fixed now.

Neglected

Oh how I have neglected my poor blog. I just haven't felt very inspired lately. Combine that with my obsession with dyeing things ,oy. I tell you what though, my baby has the cutest behind in the county hehe I'll post some pictures later if it will let me, the last couple of times I've tried to post photos in my blog the entry can't be seen.

We have started a new method in the house of getting the kids to get thier chores done. They haven't been taking care of anything and thier laundry has been nuts. So now they each have a day of the week they do thier own laundry and they each have a set chore for the day. They earn points for doing thier chore (double points if done before 1pm). Also, in an effort to keep thier toys out of the common areas of the house, if one is found it's confiscated. On mondays we hold family meetings and they get to use the points they earned the previous week to purchase thier confiscated stuff back and if they have any left over, privledges like video games and computer time.

So far, the middle 4 are loving it. N, well his "chores" that daddy writes on the board usually consist of no pulling hair and no pinching, he has yet to successfully complete one. A, well he's resisting. But if he wants to play games, he'll have no choice but to concede sooner or later.

I've also started a little pastry hobby which my kids definitely enjoy. I hate cooking, but baking is fun! I am making a fondant covered princess cake for S's birthday on the 28th, can't WAIT to work with that although I hear it's a bit of a pain. I told C I think I want to be a pastry chef when I "grow up" hehe.

Scary

Update: July 12th. For some reason blogger isn't showing my new post. UGH!


We had a bit of a scare yesterday. We went to the 4th of July parade here in town and I found a shady spot to stand in with N and C took the kids up by the curb so they could see better and get some candy.

About 10 minutes into it C2 (9) comes over to me looking extremely pale and telling me he needed something to eat. He had just eaten about an hour before we left but the look on his face told me something was wrong. I yelled to C so I could get some money and get C2 a hot dog from the stand and when I did C2 collapsed into me. I caught him and screamed for C again and yelled "someone HELP please!". I looked down and C2's eyes were wide open but he was out cold. Ccame over and grabbed him and an EMT took him and left toward the tent. I followed her while C got the other kids.

By the time she had gotten him over there he was awake and talking but very weak. We got him some water and a hot dog and over the course of about 20 minutes he perked up enough to walk.

I took him to the ER and he passed the nerological exam fine, didn't appear to have anything going on with his heart. The doctor said that he was probably standing there with his knees locked and had a vaso-vagal episode (momentary loss of oxygen to the brain) and it would likely never happen again.

Parenting is so scary!

Superman scars

I posted this the other day on my son's site and wanted to cross post it here. Those of you who have known me for a while probably notice a difference in me and this might help explain it.


It's been such a long time since I've been here. I stopped by to check the guestbook entries and saw T's entry and cried. Some days I yearn for that moment of healing........ that moment that the hole in my own heart closes just a little and then I realize that it closes a little every day. I don't have a "superman" scar that people can see, but some days the scars are covering my entire being.
I always knew that our experience was for a reason, I think that I thought that one day someone would just knock on my door and tell me what I was suppose to do with it. God and I have many conversations about that. I have trouble reading between the lines and seeing the rainbow for the clouds sometimes.
Every day that I have lived since the day A2 was born has been a new day to do something with my life. In the past year and a half I have had to rebuild myself and I still sometimes wonder if I ever will be a complete person again. I have gained confidence, I have gained tremendous knowledge and compassion, yet I have lost such a part of me that I can't get back. I am just now realizing that maybe I don't need it back. Maybe A2's illness and death was my rebirth. Maybe I got the opportunity to start new in life, that's a very liberating idea.
I'm different now. At first I resented the stares, the saddened looks as people glanced my way. Now in a way I cherish that. When A2 died all expectations that I put on myself of what I thought I needed to be melted away and I was given a chance to become anything I wanted to be.
I think I have come a long way in that venture. I think I'm a good person now. I didn't always feel that way. I can look at myself in the mirror and although I've aged physically this past year, I like what I see. I see a woman who has finally become something. I have finally gotten my career where I want it to be, I have finally become the mother I wanted to be.
I don't think I've dealt with it all in ways that were expected. I think you have a choice, you can lay down and die or you can realize that quite honestly the death of your child is the worst that life can do to you..... I've survived it and that means I have the strength to do anything. I refuse to lay down and let my spirit die.......

Breastfeeding and obesity

Did you see the news story that was out on CNN, MSNBC, Yahoo and the like a few days ago?

Breastfeeding may not cut childhood obesity. You can read the article here.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070629/hl_nm/breastfed_obesity_dc

I'm not entirely sure what to make of this. It seems they go back and forth and are pretty wishy washy as to what the study actually proved. To me it sounds like they are saying that good lifestyle choices are imperative whether you breastfeed or not, pretty much a no-brainer there. I wonder if it appears that breastfed babies are thinner because parents who choose to breastfeed (and you know, it IS a sacrifice sometimes) also make better choices in other areas? I know the formula feeding moms are going to flame me for that one........ so here's my disclaimer. I'm NOT saying that formula feeding moms don't make any good choices for thier children, i'm just wondering if the study being referenced is implying as much. Please don't fill my email box with hate mail

It does say that "The association did remain strong, however, for children who had been breastfed for six months or longer. They were 55 percent less likely than their non-breastfed peers to fall into the top tenth of the group based on body fat percentage."

Interesting. What's your take?

July 3- Blogger isn't showing my new post, BLAH!

Living without Alex 6-29-07

FRIDAY, JUNE 29, 2007 12:27 AM, CDT

This post was moved from Alex's original blog


It's been such a long time since I've been here. I stopped by to check the guestbook entries and saw Trista's entry and cried. Some days I yearn for that moment of healing........ that moment that the hole in my own heart closes just a little and then I realize that it closes a little every day. I don't have a "superman" scar that people can see, but some days the scars are covering my entire being.

I always knew that our experience was for a reason, I think that I thought that one day someone would just knock on my door and tell me what I was suppose to do with it. God and I have many conversations about that. I have trouble reading between the lines and seeing the rainbow for the clouds sometimes.

Every day that I have lived since the day Alexander was born has been a new day to do something with my life. In the past year and a half I have had to rebuild myself and I still sometimes wonder if I ever will be a complete person again. I have gained confidence, I have gained tremendous knowledge and compassion, yet I have lost such a part of me that I can't get back. I am just now realizing that maybe I don't need it back. Maybe Alex's illness and death was my rebirth. Maybe I got the opportunity to start new in life, that's a very liberating idea.

I'm different now. At first I resented the stares, the saddened looks as people glanced my way. Now in a way I cherish that. When Alex died all expectations that I put on myself of what I thought I needed to be melted away and I was given a chance to become anything I wanted to be.

I think I have come a long way in that venture. I think I'm a good person now. I didn't always feel that way. I can look at myself in the mirror and although I've aged physically this past year, I like what I see. I see a woman who has finally become something. I have finally gotten my career where I want it to be, I have finally become the mother I wanted to be.

I don't think I've dealt with it all in ways that were expected. I think you have a choice, you can lay down and die or you can realize that quite honestly the death of your child is the worst that life can do to you..... I've survived it and that means I have the strength to do anything. I refuse to lay down and let my spirit die.......