Christmas decorations!

That's right. You read right. Christmas decorations. You see, I live across the street from a family much like the Griswolds (tell me i'm not dating myself!). This older couple across the street every year on November 1st begins filling thier yard with an obscene amount of lightey-uppy, animated, blinking, flashing crap that makes the electricity flicker on the entire block from the time they illuminate it (dec 1) til the time our poor retinas finally get a break for another 11 months (January 1). Keep on the lookout for pictures.



Did y'all have a great Halloween? I love Halloween. Every year I procrastinate and stress out about it and finally throw costumes together at the last minute and we all have a ball....... well almost all of us. The kids don't wear costumes to school here, because they like to suck every ounce of fun out of everything in school, but I made them cute NON costume-costumes. Hailey, Shay, and Jack went to school wearing Smarties candies glued to thier pants and shirts that said "Smartie Pants" hehe.


I remember being a kid and going out trick or treating at like 6:30 and staying out til some ungodly hour. Due to the town sucking the fun out of everything, trick or treating is now from 4:30-7pm . I know, s-a-f-e-t-y....... Blah, what fun is trick or treating without the added danger of being mangled by a large SUV?



Anyway, so the minute the kids came through the door work began on Christian's costume. His costume consisted of about a million small lengths of white fabric. The end effect (which I didn't get a picture of) was awesome, really looked authentic, not that i've ever seen a REAL mummy but you know, from all those cheesy movies. So here's how the outfit was after wrapping...











Rather cute lil mummy, complete with spider. Then we did Jacksen's costume..... Captain Jack........... sans the nasty dreadlocks.









And Shaylin, the pretty witch. Although I couldn't resist putting spider webs on her cheeks and bugs on her face, but she was a pretty witch nonetheless.





And then Frogger Nate. What is it about a baby that they can be so freaking adorable even with a green tear streaked face? He DESPISED his costume.


Oddly enough he wasn't at all afraid of daddies mask.



And the dog...... Ok the dog isn't dressed up. I'm just not one of those that thinks dogs in people clothes is cute. But the dog got her picture taken anyway.



I didnt' get Austin and Hailey's pictures, my friend did but I don't have em yet so you'll have to use your imagination. Hailey was a corpse bride and Austin was... Austin.

So then we headed out to a friends house and we all headed out the door. Can you imagine 3 large families out trick or treating? It was fun indeed. Keep in mind a couple kids weren't with us but between us 3 families there are 16 children. SIXTEEN! Ages 16, 14, 12, 10, 9, 9, 8, 7, 5, 5, 5, 3,3, 2, 9months, 6 months. Let's just say that since this town doesn't have sidewalks, we made for some really congested streets.

Of course Jack started crying about 5 minutes into it that he was freezing. You see, I'm not one of those parents who drives the car around, inch by inch, following the kids door to door lest they get cold and need a ride. If you are getting free candy, you get out there and freeze your ass off for it like I had to.

I noticed that it isn't like it use to be though. When we would go out as kids every light in town would be on, we would literally go door-to-door. Now, at least here you maybe find 1-2 houses on each block that are lit up, sometimes none at all. You can see the people are home, they are just holding out on the candy giving..... may karma bite them in the ass for it too! Evil rotten no-good candy hoarders.

After we got all the candy little hands could stand to carry we all headed out to the town Halloween party. The kids played games, ate hot dogs, and won dimes (wonder how many kids ATE thier prizes....... dimes? not really the best idea, ya think?) Then we went home and they ate until thier stomachs cramped and they fell into deep sugar-crash induced comas. Even Nate, who got his first sucker.

Another Holiday closer to Christmas! Donations for our Christmas fund can be sent directly to our bank........... if you are so inclined.

Wisconsin senate passes breastfeeding in public law!

Ok, so it still has to pass the assembly and be signed by Governor Doyle before it is "for real" but WTG Wisconsin for finally taking a step in the right direction!

Current Wisconsin law simply states that it is not a crime punishable by law to breastfeed in public, which offers no protection at all.

The NEW law will make it a crime to harass a breastfeeding mother! Punishable by a $200 fine!

WTG Wisconsin senate! Let's hope the Assembly is as smart!!!

It's about time!

Because breastfeeding a college student is frowned upon

So, You have to actually feed them.

For the first time ever folks. I'm participating in a blogging contest. Is that even what they are called? Well it is today. This is my entry for the blog contest at The Parent Bloggers for Deceptively Delicious

I'm trying to win a $250 gift card to Williams- Sonoma. So here it is.

Since Breastfeeding a college student is frowned upon, you have to get them to eat!

You'd think with 6 kids I'd have heard it all. Growing up I was the pickiest eater on the planet to the point my mother had to search high and low for those military plates that had partitions so that my food would never touch. If for some reason it DID touch I couldn't bring myself to eat anything on the plate. It really wasn't any wonder I didn't hit 100 lbs until 4 months into my first pregnancy.

I've been pretty lucky with my kids. Christian, who is now 9 has been my one child who has a deep aversion to anything green and vegetabl-ey. He has convinced friends and family that he has a cooked carrots allergy (apparently something happens to the carrots when you cook them, making him allergic). He will be a wonderful chef some day with his wonderful mastery of stuffing a pork chop with vegetables....

The other night at dinner we were all carrying along in our obscene, not-dinner-appropriate coversations as per usual when Christian excitedly looks up from his plate and exclaims "What happened to my beans?"

Now. He might have gotten away with it if A: he weren't so obvious in his statement or B: the dog weren't sitting under his chair on alert. Both things alerted the hubbster and I that Christian had finally thought of the trick that kids have been using for centuries...... feed your veggies to the dog.

It didn't take long for the small fry to realize he was busted. He spent the next 5 minutes trying to make himself cry but failing miserably in the attempt due to the insane elf-like laughter speweing from his mouth at every attempt. Until we informed him that now he had to eat another helping of stuffing hehe *insert my own evil elf laugh here*

What he doesn't realize is that he's playing the game with the lady who wrote the book haha.

Not nearly as entertaining as the year he convinced everyone he was Jewish...... but that's a story for another day.

Bumbo seat recall.. Or Why you should need an IQ test to create life

I'm sure you've all heard of the Bumbo seat recall. If not inform yourself HERE

When are we going to start taking responsibility for our actions? When you purchase a baby seat that has the words "DO NOT USE ON ELEVATED SURFACE" permanently imprinted into the seat, and you then decide to put the seat with child in it on a counter top and said child falls out and cracks his noggin who is responsible?

In this country, apparently the maker of the seat! Parents! Heads up! WATCH YOUR CHILDREN! Stop blaming other people for your failure to supervise your children. What else should we recall? Food? Gosh your child could choke when you leave the room! Baths? They may drown!

Come ON America. If you can't read and follow simple directions maybe you should leave the parenting to someone else!

One way to get out of going to the dentist...

So this morning didn't go well.... Ok all day didn't really fit in with my plans.

This morning starts with Craig waking me up to tell me he's going to work to put the order in. Next thing I know he's waking me up again to tell me it's nearly 9:00. I have to be at the dentist office at 9:50 and it's a 45 minute drive. You do that math.

So, mad dash around the house getting dressed, brushing and flossing (can't forget to floss on dentist day!) and fly out the door thanking God the car has 3/4 of a tank of gas in it. I get about 3 miles from home and realize I have no wallet and since we've canceled the cell phone contract and not gotten around to activating our old pre-paid phone again I also have no phone, which always makes me nervous.

For about 1/4 of a mile I contemplate turning around for my wallet. What if I get pulled over? Oh well. What if I'm in an accident and knocked unconcious and they can't identify me and give me penicillin and send me into an allergic reaction and I die a horrible anaphylactic death? I know....... who thinks like that right?

I decide I'll take the chance. I'm already going to be late, I can't turn around now.

So I drive and listen to my favorite morning station 104.5 WAXX morning show

I get about halfway there and while entering a tiny one store town with an insanely polish (i think) name I hear this strange noise, almost sounds like the rumble bars you run over to alert you to stop ahead. As soon as it starts it's gone and as it ends I hear the sound like when you run over a small object and it bounces up and hits the underside of your car. My car seems to be driving fine, runny smoothly and nothing is different so I continue on.

About 3 miles later while going around a corner I hear another noise. A noise that I cannot explain away, almost a wobbling sound. I decide it best to pull over and just take a walk around the car to be sure there aren't any pedestrians hanging from my bumper that I failed to see. Sure enough...... I get out and my eyes immediately fall upon.............. it......

A FLAT TIRE!

Ok, no problem right? I mean I spent my formitive years sitting on top of 350 big blocks. I learned to change oil before I learned to write my name. I can DO this. Never mind that as I look around my PTSD from 1999 when I saw a man get hit by a car while helping out a stranded motorist is slowly rearing it's ugly head. I can DO this.

I pop the trunk and.......... wait..... there's no spare tire in the trunk. Well I'd never seen one there before but I guess my mind thought that since I now needed one that one would automatically be there when I opened the trunk. I don't even see a jack in there....... uh oh. Where the HELL is the spare?!

Now what? I pace the length of my car in the weeds a couple of times and decide that I need to walk to the nearest house. I start walking and realize I don't SEE any houses. I turn around and walk the other way (no, really I'm not blond lol). On my walk I contemplate who I can call.... seeing as how I have no money. I remember that my uncle owns a service station a couple towns away and hope he will be nice enough to come and help his penniless neice who never calls him. I approach this tiny white house that could well belong to a serial killer but maybe not. As I walk up the driveway there are NO LESS than 52 dogs barking at me from behind fences. Tiny dogs, but I'm sure if they ganged up I'd have been toast.

I approach the door and knock and hear what sounds like another 86 dogs inside ( I may be UNDER estimating here)............. oh lord let me live through this.....

A woman answers the door wearing nothing but Wisconsin Badgers t-shirt. I tell her my dilemma and she invites me in to use the telephone. I ask for a phone book and look through it and cannot find the phone number to my uncles station...... seems in my years of using the internet for everything I've done forgotten how to use a phone book or something. So I call my husband and ask him to look up the number. I tell him how I can't find the stupid spare and he tells me it's "underneath".....

I get my uncles phone number and get lucky. Not only is he at the station but he will come and get his estranged neice out of trouble, whew. I call the dentist and explain why I am not, at this moment, walking in thier front door for my appointment.

I kindly thank the lady (still wearing only her skivvies and t-shirt) and make my way back to my car, breathing a sigh of relief that not only did I not happen upon the home of a serial killer, but I wasn't mauled by a pack of angry chihuahua's either. Once back to my car I look underneath the back of the car for the spare..... no tire there! HA! Shows what he knows!

A bit later my dear uncle pulls up in his tow truck. He immediately pulls this nifty little flap up in my trunk and finds the cute never-been-touched-since-factory-install tire and quickly changes the tire. Thankfully he didn't give me too much of a hard time for being automotibile challenged and I have an uneventful drive home where my husband has a good laugh at my troubles and my 5 year old incessantly accuses me of popping the tire due to speeding and running red lights.

THEN. A couple hours later I get a phone call from my mother telling me she's going in for an urgent MRI scan on her lungs. An x-ray revealed a spot on her lung. She's never smoked a day in her life. We end up sitting at the hospital for 2 HOURS waiting for her scan..... joy A little prayer that the results come back great would be appreciated!

Anyway. So that was my crazy day.

A little poem

My teenage son didn't appreciat this poem NEARLY as much as I did hehe

Don't mess with mothers....

My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place.
Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today, The "Children's Bill of Rights."
It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear.
I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head, and I sure don't have to pray.
I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like, get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me, I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges, with the marks on my behind.
Don't you ever touch me, my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses, that's just more child abuse.
Don't preach about your morals, like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control, And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights, so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division, better know as C.S.D.
Of course my first instinct was to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson made me think a little more.
I mulled it over carefully, I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face, he's messing with a pro.
Next day I took him shopping at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want, there's shirts & pants galore.
I've called and checked with C.S.D. who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs.
I've canceled that appointment to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned so I'll decide what's best.
I said "No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch.
Just save the raging appetite, and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions, a favorite dish of mine.
He asked "Can I please rent a movie, to watch on my VCR?
"Sorry, but I sold your TV, for new tires on my car.
I also rented out your room, you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires just a roof over your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now, I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get, will buy me something neat.
I'm selling off your jet ski, dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights, It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying, why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C.S.D..?

Pregnancy makes women live longer!

Interesting! This report is a couple years old i'd be interested to see what further research has been done. Throw away your birth control! Husband's get busy! You are saving your life.

This is LONDON 09/07/04 - News and city section Pregnancy 'makes women live longer' By Rebecca Smith, Evening Standard Health Reporter Scientists believe they may have unlocked the secret of why women tend to live longer than men. It is all down to motherhood. The cells from the developing baby pass into the mother's bone marrow during the early stages of pregnancy.

The scientists say these cells may rejuvenate the mother's own, repair damage and fight disease, prolonging her life. The findings, in today's Lancet, could explain why women who have had children are less likely to develop arthritis, multiple sclerosis and breast cancer. Professor Nick Fisk, a specialist in foetal medicine at Queen Charlotte's Hospital, said they have found that stem cells from the foetus are stored in the mother's bone marrow and some had changed into bone. All the women in the study who had sons had male stem cells in their bone marrow.

Professor Fisk said: "Every time a woman gets pregnant she gets a shower of stem cells that can fight disease." He said more research needed to be done to find out if the stem cells in the mother's body protect against some disease but contribute to the cause of others.

©2004 Associated New Media

Middle school to offer birth control to students

Has anyone read this story yet? If not, take a minute to do so and then come back...



http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/10/18/middleschool.contraception.ap/index.html



I respect the intent. Really I do. As a former teen parent I can tell you that it is not fair to parent OR child to bring a child into this world when you haven't finished growing up yourself. Even the teen parents that make it tend to look back years later and realize that they wish they could have done it differently, if only in the realization that they could have given their child so much more if they had been able to grow up themself before trying to raise another person.

Having said that, I have to say WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING AMERICA? When the SCHOOL has to do OUR jobs.

For instance I was asked one day what the appropriate age might be to have "the talk" with kids... WHAT? Why does the word SEX make us squirm so much? If we can't say the word SEX in conversation with another adult, how the HELL are we suppose to talk to our kids about it? Say it with me people.......... S-E-X SEX. Get comfortable with it.

We shirk our responsibilities as parents it seems, right about the time they enter kindergarten, earlier if our children attend a preschool program. It seems that we walk away from them that first day of school, dust off our hands and say "whew, now someone else can do the hard stuff". It is YOUR JOB, until THE DAY YOU DIE people. I hear it all the time, teachers saying the one thing they love is when they get that one student who's parent is interested and involved in their children's education. How sad is it that it's one child.....

Now, we get to get out of "the talk" too! If our kids want to talk about sex they can go to school and talk about it, heck they can even get birth control!

Some of you are saying "but they are going to do it anyway, you can't stop that". Really? I don't buy it anymore than I buy that if you talk Joe Schmoe down from the roof he's about to jump off of, and be his friend and help him realize that his life is worth something that you've done nothing..

There is a fine line we, as parents of pre-teens and teens must walk. The fine line between being their friend and being their parent. I think if you drift too far to one side you are in trouble. We must constantly walk that line.

It's not easy. Parenting wasn't meant to be. The labor pains are just the beginning. It's silly to think that giving birth to a child is the hard part. But WE SIGNED UP FOR IT, and now a lot of us aren't stepping up to the plate.

Don't let the school confidentially give your children birth control. Don't allow yourself to be taken out of that equation, as it's one of the most important things you will ever do as a parent.

Step up America. Take the time, find the time. TALK to your kids. Open the door of communication and LEAVE IT OPEN. Let your children know how you feel about the choices you know they will face as teenagers and young adults. TELL them about your teen years, open and honest.

That way, when the time comes that they have the hard choices to make, you just might have the honor of being INVOLVED in that decision!

Dear Mr President

I want you all to listen to this song, it's very powerful. Thanks Ang!

The wintertime pinch

This time of year, every year it happens. After a summer where the tourists come and have more brains that money and overtime is abundant..... eventually they all go home and the money pinch starts.

This year seems to be hitting harder than most. This pay period we will live on $100 for 2 weeks. *sigh*

It will all work out, it always does. But it's frustrating inthe meantime!!!

This evening will be busy. We will have parent teacher conferences from 5-6, then I have to get home and get Hailey dressed (well, she dresses herself hehe) and prettied up for her choir/band concert at 6:40. We are gonna end up eating dinner at like 4:30 so assuredly we will spend the second half of the concert hearing "I'm hungry" from the small set. Maybe I'll stuff some snacks in the diaper bag........ that'll shut 'em up.

Had to take Hailey into urgent care last night. She has pneumonia..... how great. So she's on zithromax for 5 days and codeine to sleep at night. She still wants to go to school, bless her litlte heart. She's loving school now that she's really busted her butt and gotten her grades up. All A's and B's! She's in special education but has done all of this in the MAINSTREAM classroom! Couldn't be more proud of her.

Anyway. Sorry the updates have been sporatic lately. I've been spending a lot of time working on Alex's new site. Go check it out! And don't forget to print off a few copies of the Random acts of kindness graphic..... giving is good! www.alexandersheart.blogspot.com

The little surprises you find.....

When you have a child with sensory integration dysfunction with "autistic tendencies".

I went to use my bathroom this evening and upon walking into my bedroom, I see THIS

Yes, in my bedroom. Our bedroom is in the basement and so is our family closet/grocery overflow. Apparently the "must line everything up or I'll lose my mind" bug hit Jack as he was scoping out what he could snack on and this is the end result.

Never a dull moment!

Welcome to the world baby!

Brayden Edward arrived at 11:13pm last night weighing 7 lbs 13 oz. His mommy had a very difficult labor and did it 100% drug free and was AMAZING. I am forever indebted to you, Allen and Rissa, for allowing me to be a part of something so miraculous......... Thank you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RISSA! What a great birthday present to be holding your perfect little boy right now!

Guess what I'm getting tomorrow?!

A brand new baby nephew, that's what!!!

I'm so excited. Mommy to be goes in at 1pm tomorrow for induction and I have the honor of being invited to be her doula! Can't wait!

This has been a crazy week. I'm not sure why, I've gotten nothing accomplished, but it just seems to have been rather chaotic.

We have a new goal in our "get out of debt" plan. Starting January 1, all "extra" moneay (what's that?) will go to pay down our truck loan. Our goal is to have it totally paid off within a year. Then, the next year we'll start on the car. Both vehicles should last us quite a while so we could have a few years with NO VEHICLE PAYMENT! Wouldn't that be nice!

We also turned off our cell phones saving us $160 a month. We are just trying to cut out any extras, as we have gotten a bit caught up in the world and the things we think we need that we don't.

With all the cuts we've made so far we right now have an extra $260 a month in our pockets. Doesn't sound like much but when you live paycheck to paycheck it's a lot!
Too bad we need heat and lights and insurance or we could really be swimming in extra cash hehe.

Must go finish making dinner!

Life aint always beautiful

Isn't that the truth. 2 children who's websites I frequent died yesterday. They both had a brain tumor called a diffuse pontine glioma. It is inoperable and treatment is aimed at slowing it's growth. The average life expectancy is 6-12 months.

This morning Hailey and I were talking about hard subjects, as we frequently do. We talked about Alex and how he fought so hard to be here and how people aren't always perfect but sometimes the least perfect have the most to give. I wonder sometimes what the greater plan is for us all. The why's are so difficult to deal with sometimes. I don't think I will ever understand why Alex died. I don't know that any parent who loses a child ever gets that moment of clarity.

I think about all the children who are simply denied the chance. The babies who are lost to "medical termination" upon their parents finding out they have down syndrome, or some other abnormality that makes them "less than perfect" in the eyes of the world. It makes me angry. I wish I had my disabled child, I WISH I could push him in a wheelchair, I wish I could hug him, kiss him, and sing him to sleep.

I am comforted in the fact that we did everything we could. He was in an amazing hospital and every medical opportunity was available to him. We could have "let him go" as some would have. HE chose when it was time to go, I'm grateful for that.

Every one of us is less than perfect in some way. If we ought to abort a baby because it's not "normal", where is the line? Aborting one who has a cataract? who will need a brace for scoliosis? And when is the line drawn? If they are taken before birth it's ok, but when will we start moving on to sacrificing 2 year olds who contract a disease? I just don't understand how we think we have the right to decide who lives or dies. It doesn't make sense.

I was once reminded that God gives us free will, but he also gave us a brain. But did he intend us to use that brain to make decisions best left to him? Where is THAT line? You have to draw it somewhere.......... so where?

I struggle with these questions. A few days before Alex died I finally broke down completely and relinquished control to the lord. Right there in front of the dormatories of the University, in front of the busy hospital. I'm sure I looked like a lunatic but the weeks of what felt like running through water finally caught up with me and I had nothing left to give, I had no fight left in me. I told God he wins, I give him control. It was then that the put my son out of his misery. I never gave up on Alex but I gave up my selfish fight for him with God.

Some people don't understand the decisions C and I make regarding our family. It's difficult sometimes because it would be senseless for us to learn the lesson we did, to give up control, and then try to take it back now. But what does God intend for us to have control of, and what does he solely take control over? I just don't know.

To some people it's all so simple. It's just not for us. I don't think things will ever be simple again. Things use to be so simple even though we didn't realize it, now the seemingly smallest things just aren't anymore.

It's exhausting sometimes. This post probably makes no sense either hehe, it's one of those that I'm just typing as I'm thinking so I apologize for that. It's one of those more for me than you kinda posts.

President Bush vetoes SCHIP bill

It's official, our lovely president has vetoed the SCHIP bill which would have doubled the number of insured children in this country. Way to go! Hope you sleep at night! It really was a brilliant bill too! And had over a 70% approval rating.... a helluva lot more than ole Georgie himself has!

He encourages all middle class Americans to "buy health insurance". Really? Cause we never thought of that?! Life must really look that simple when you have cash to spare....

Next week we'll send a couple million more overseas, and a couple thousand more men and women to die, meanwhile some kid will be in the ER dying of pneumonia because no ped would touch him because his parents couldn't pay. BRAVO America!

Here's a thought? Instead of spending billions fixing Iraq, why not fix the USA first! What a concept!

Ok, I said there would be more. Here it is. There has been a lot of buzz about this today of course. I actually read on one blog someone say, and I'm paraphrasing... When are people going to stop looking for a handout and take responsibility for themselves. There's always planned parenthood. Really? WOW. Planned parenthood gives prescriptions for medications for 6 year olds? Subsidizes the cost of leukemia treatments? Interesting. I guess I'll have to read up more on Planned parenthood!

It's easy for the insured to be a bit clueless. It's easy when you have insurance and you go to the doctor and most of your bill gets paid. It's easy when your children are healthy. What if your son got cancer? What if your son needed a cancer treatment not covered by your insurance? Would you have $160,000 in your pocket to pay for that? Or would your child die in that hospital bed waiting for donations from friends and family to get the treatment? Have you ever seen a million dollar hospital bill? Because I have. I have held one in my hands, with my name on it. Have you? What would you do if you did? Would you ask for help? Do you think you'd be deserving of help? Or would you sit back and say that you made a mistake by having a child when you didn't have the means to provide for him, even though you had no idea he'd get cancer, or be born sick?

Planned Parenthood is great. It's easy to say "don't have kids if you can't afford them"....... if only life were that simple. If only having a child ensured you the finances you have at that moment, for the rest of that child's life. Wouldn't that be great! I want to live in THAT World!

Stop being so arrogant in beleiving that YOUR health coverage will always be there. Insurance companies are struggling, yours could shut down tomorrow and where would you be? Your child could get cancer or meningitis tomorrow, where would you be? Don't be so arrogant to think that the people who aren't insured or are underinsured are less than you or don't try hard enough, it's not always that simple. Planned parenthood isn't going to pay for a bone marrow transplant or stem cell transplant, no matter how hard you want to try to beleive it.

And to say that not having children in the first place is the answer is laughable at best. YOU COULD LOSE YOUR JOB TOMORROW and where would you be? Go ahead, call planned parenthood and see if they will pay for your childs hospital bill. Let me know what they say....

I am thankful that that million dollar hospital bill was nearly ALL paid by insurance. But I would NEVER sit here on some pedestal thinking that the kid who laid in the bed next to us didn't deserve his care because his parents couldn't afford it.

It all boils down to what I always say. We are failing our own. Some of us like to sit in our own little bubble and say "i'm ok, I don't know what's wrong with those idiots" ....... it's easy to take that road. To think that other people have the problems they have because of choices they made. But just once why not think about it..... are Jane and Joe homeless because they lost their house when their son died of cancer and they couldn't pay? It's easy to say they are losers who dont' take care of their children and don't provide for them but it's far more difficult to actually find out WHY. And it's extremely difficult for some of us to see ourselves and part of a whole, to leave the "every man for himself" mentality that plagues this country.

Every child in this country is entitled to a free public education through grade 12, yet no child in this country is entitled to a doctor visit, a simple vaccination, or surgery to remove cancer from their stomach yet we pay taxes on everything from our homes to chewing gum. Heck we even pay tax on our medications and surgeries! How is that for irony!

I surely hope that none of you up there on that pedistal ever lose your jobs, your coverage, and I certainly hope your child never gets cancer. But I do hope you remove your head from the sand at some point and think that tomorrow, the unthinkable could happen and you could find yourself in the street with a sick child and no way to pay for his treatment. You are not above tragedy and I would gladly take an increase in my taxes to get YOUR child his medication.

So, if the solution is that everyone who cannot afford a million dollar hospital bill, or heck lets even just say if you don't have $100,000 in savings RIGHT now to pay for a doctor bill if you lost your insurance tomorrow......... you shouldn't have kids. I'm not sure what you should do if you've already had them, but you should run to planned parenthood right now and get some hormone pill to prevent you from having a child because you cannot afford one and WE should not be having to increase our taxes to pay for your "mistakes". Got that?! I don't care if you have a good job with good insurance, what if you don't next week? How are you going to pay for that bill?! Yeah........ I don't know either.

I must say that I've heard some arguements on things that make me roll my eyes and giggle. But for someone to say that the answer to our healthcare crisis is planned parenthood.......... I think that might be up there with the STUPIDEST things i've heard in my entire 31 years.

Family ramblings

Thought I'd do a little update on me and mine. Since I know you don't ALWAYS want to read my rantings! hehe.

Let's see. It's been a busy couple of weeks or so. Hailey is doing well in Cross Country aside from a horrid respiratory infection knocking her on her butt this week. Thankfully her meet on Thursday got rained out anyway.

The 20th was Jack's 5th birthday. FIVE!! Can you believe it? Seems like yesterday he was an infant! They DO grow up so fast don't they?

Here are a couple photos from his birthday

Didn't do TOO bad on the cake if I do say so myself!

Jack and his buddies Carter and Daniel. It's kind of interesting. The first week of school Jack came home and said he made a new "best buddy" and his name was Daniel. Turns out, it's the son of one of Craig's best friends from 'back in the day'! He invited Daniel and Carter to his party and it turns out Carter's mom is someone Craig and Dan and I went to high school with too! So it was like a high school reunion in my living room this morning.

The 27th was our 10th Anniversary. Feels nice to prove the nay sayers wrong who swore we wouldn't last....

My brother and sister in law are due to be having thier baby like any minute now. So We've been all kind of on the edge of our seats for that.

And the newest picture of Nate...... isn't he just freaking delicious?

I will be adding to my hectic schedule by teaching a natural childbirth class through the hospital. I can't WAIT for that it'll be a ton of fun. Let's see... what else has been going on..... A lot of the same old stuff. Kids' activities and what-not around every turn. We are already starting field trips and all that fun stuff! I can't believe it's gonna be Halloween in a few weeks!

Are YOU poisoning your children?

Approximately half of the United States' drinking water supply is fluoridated in an attempt to reduce dental cavities in children. Thankfully the town I live in does not (as of now anyway, hopefully they keep thier senses) artificially fluoridate our drinking water. My children do not take fluoride rinses at school or receive fluoride treatments at the dentist office. In the past 4 years, since I have begun actively limiting the fluoride my children receive thier teeth have actually IMPROVED and none of them have had a cavity, without any other change in their dental routine.


Most Americans are unaware of the dangers of ingesting fluoride. Most dentists, physicians and scientists are even unaware of the dangers of fluoride. How many of us have actually taken the time to read up on it, just once?




Facts About Fluoride

~ Fluoride is NOT FDA APPROVED


~ According to Clinical Toxicology of Commercial Products, fluoride rated #2 on the toxicity scale, right under arsenic and above lead.


~ In the March 22, 1990 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine, Mayo Clinic reported that fluoride increased hip fracture rate and bone fragility.


~A study by Procter and Gamble showed that as little as half the amount of fluoride used to fluoridate public water supplies resulted in a sizable and significant increase in genetic damage.



~Epidemiology research in the mid-1970's by the late Dr. Dean Burk, head of the cytochemistry division of the National Cancer Institute, indicated that 10,000 or more fluoridation-linked cancer deaths occur yearly in the United States.



~In 1989, the ability of fluoride to transform normal cells into cancer cells was confirmed by Argonne National Laboratories.



~ Since 1991, the New Jersey Department of Health found that the incidence of osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer, was far higher in young men exposed to fluoridated water than in those who were not.


~In addition to the well documented toxic effects of fluoride, fluoride even at dosages of 1 part per million, found in artificially fluoridated water, can inhibit enzyme systems, damage the immune system, contribute to calcification of soft tissues, worsen arthritis and, cause dental fluorosis in children.

"The American Medical Association is NOT prepared to state that no harm will be done to any person by water fluoridation. The AMA has not carried out any research work, either long-term or short-term, regarding the possibility of any side effects." - Dr. Flanagan, Assistant Director of Environmental Health, American Medical Association.

"I am appalled at the prospect of using water as a vehicle for drugs. Fluoride is a corrosive poison that will produce serious effects on a long range basis. Any attempt to use water this way is deplorable." - Dr. Charles Gordon Heyd, Past President of the American Medical Association.

The fluoride used for water fluoridation does not have FDA approval and is considered by the FDA as an "unapproved drug".

And it's not just in the water or supplements. Did you know that if you have wheaties with milk, and a can of coke for breakfast you have injested 233% MORE fluoride than the standard 1ppm daily recommended dose? There's no getting away from it I'm afraid, it's in everything you eat and drink. The water sprayed on the crops contains fluoride, so does the fertilizer. The LEAST we can do is NOT put it in our bodies above and beyond what we are forced to take in already.

But it saves our kids' teeth you say? WRONG



~In the largest U.S. study of fluoridation and tooth decay, United States Public Health Service dental records of over 39,000 school children, ages 5-17, from 84 areas around the United States showed that the number of decayed, missing, and filled teeth per child was virtually the same in fluoridated and non-fluoridated areas.



Dr. John Colquhoun, former Chief Dental Officer of the Department of Health for Auckland, New Zealand, investigated tooth decay statistics from about 60,000 12 to 13 year old children and showed that fluoridation had no significant effect on tooth decay rate.



But it's NATURALLY in the water you say? So if it's a "natural" substance it can't be bad for you!

WRONG. Fluoride is an environmental pollutant. It is a waste product of aluminum and fertilizer production.


Prior to 1945, fluoride was responsible for many lawsuits against these industries. This fluoride destroyed crops and animals, leading to the lawsuits. The limited public view was that fluoride was an environmental pollutant that needed to be eliminated from the environment.


As a result of clever public relations campaigns, fluoride was magically transformed from an environmental pollutant to an "essential nutrient necessary for producing healthy teeth." The science was poor, but the P.R. campaign was great. It became an American staple and Industries not only made millions from selling this environmental pollutant to water companies and toothpaste companies, but more importantly, it saved billions of dollars that would be required to clean up this environmental pollutant.


So, what can you do to protect yourself from fluoride?

First, avoid fluoridated water. Boiling water removes chlorine, but concentrates fluoride. Water filters do not remove fluoride, unless there is a reverse osmosis component. Children should avoid fluoridated vitamins and fluoride treatments at the dentist. Everyone should avoid fluoridated toothpaste. Work on your legislators to get fluoride out of the water supplies. Buy a reverse osmosis system for filtering your drinking water. Do not allow your children to take fluoride supplements at home or at school.

The next time you go to the dentist, copy and paste the below form and ask your dentist to sign it before you accept the prescription for fluoride or have it put on your teeth in the little tray.

Please link others to this post and spread the word about the dangers of fluoride use!!!!

_____________________________________________________________

Affidavit

In my professional opinion as a currently licensed and practicing dentist in the state of ______________ the ingestion of supplements of hydrofluosilicic acid is safe, approved by the Food and Drug administration for ingestion and the American Medical Association for internal ingestion and I have disclosed all side effects to my patient.


As a licensed dentist, under penalty of perjury under the laws of the state of ___________ I hereby certify that the above statement is true and correct.


__________________ print name and title clearly

__________________ Signature of licensed dentist

__________________ Date

__________________ State of licensure

Toby Keith- Love me if you can

I must start off by saying that I don't like Toby Keith. I think he's good for banking on whatever the cash cow of the moment. His album "shock'n y'all" proved that. Making a buck off commercial patriotism. Didn't hear a damn thing 'bout the red white and blue until it was worth a buck.

He's been called "the voice of our generation".......... PUKE! If THAT'S the voice of our generation....... where do I take my name off the list? His music use to be decent, now it's pure bravado, sexism, and machoism, he's also a childish hypocrit .......aside from that, his new single totally has me hooked. I *gulp* actually feel it describes ME in a sense. Here's the chorus to that song.


"Love Me If You Can"

I'm a man of my convictions
Call me wrong, call me right
But I bring my better angels to every fight
You may not like where I'm goin'
But you sure know where I stand
Hate me if you want to
Love me if you can

Aside from the fact that I am not a man, I think it's pretty spot on. I'm not sure sometimes what I have more of, enemies or allies. But that's ok because as Eugene Debs said:

"When great changes occur in history, when great principles are involved, as a rule the majority are wrong. The minority are right."

A couple more quotes for today

It is time to get back to basics, time to go back to nature and ourselves. ~ Darina Stoyanova ~

And one the funniest comedians ever (whom I don't agree with on everything either)...... George Carlin

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"

"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think"

"The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election"

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept"

And just for shits and giggles...... some lovely quotes from our Commander in Chief



"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." —Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." —Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

“See, free nations are peaceful nations. Free nations don’t attack each other. Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.”

I want each and every American to know for certain that I'm responsible for the decisions I make, and each of you are as well.

I've been talking to Vicente Fox, the new president of Mexico... I know him... to have gas and oil sent to U.S.... so we'll not depend on foreign oil.

They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

There ought to be limits to freedom.

Once again, America doesn't get it.

As promised, my views on the welfare system.

As a general rule, we are taught to look down on welfare recipeints. Why can't they get a job? Why can't these people just figure it out?

You might be surprised at how many people you know secretly get food stamps, childcare help, travel vouchers, Medical assistance of some type, even WIC could be considered welfare assistance. But why are SO many Americans in need of this type of assistance? And why do some people buck the system and take "more than their fair share"?

Once again, we are failing our own. It seems to generally go like this.....

We grow up dreaming of the job we will have. We spend thousands of dollars in college only to find that our "dream job" doesn't pay us enough to survive.

Did you know the average price of a home in this country is somewhere around $230,000? Ok, at roughly a 7% intrest rate you are paying a mortgage of roughly $640 per month. Let's figure your monthly living expenses from there, assuming you have 2 children, (slightly less than the national average)

Mortgage $640.00
Insurance $35.00
Taxes $125.00
Car payment $600.00 (2 vehicle family, you drive economy cars, used)
Car insurance $70.00 (assuming you have a good driving record)
Food $900 a month (your baby drinks formula btw)
Toiletries, cleaning, diapers etc $150.00
Heating/cooling/electricity $250.00 (again, low)
Gas $100.00 (we are saying you have a short commute)
Daycare $800.00 (national average is $7000/year/child in the US. I assumed you found a nice old granny instead)
Clothing $100.00
Healthcare insurance premiums/copays $600 (based on national averages)
Other household utilities $150
Student loan repayment $500
Credit card payment $200 (national average)


Now, notice I did not include luxury items like cable, internet, or even telephone. No dance lessons, trips to the movies, No Christmas, birthday presents. nothing. You are scraping by here, your kids have nothing to play with but sticks and rocks. You do not have a penny going into savings and do not give charitable donations. You do not drive anywhere but work. This simply covers the VERY BASIC necessities in this day and age in this country. I am also assuming here that you have health, dental, vision, prescription coverage, 1 in 6 americans do not.

Ok, so total up just those necessities and you get $62,440 per year in basic living expenses. Figuring that you both work 40 hours per week and deduct the average 17% of your income in taxes, social security, etc you EACH must earn over $19/hr just to afford LIVE. You need to bring in approximately $73,000 a year just to pay your bills.

Now, why are so many people on welfare? The "average" hourly pay last year for US workers was $15.04 per hour. On an average American income you can barely afford basic necessities when BOTH parents work!

So, given those numbers....... and I really did try to base everything on statistical reports. When I couldn't find one I guessed low..... Given those numbers, even a lot of above average paid workers in this country need some form of assistance just to get by.

The US census bureau for 2006 released these figures, defining the "classes" of income.

$97,032 & above - Upper income
$60,000 - $97,032 - Upper middle income
$37,774 - $60,000 - Middle income
$20,035 - $37,774 - Lower middle income
below $20,035 - Lower income

Given those figures. Even the upper middle class will struggle financially without some form of assistance. Where does YOUR income fit in?

Now. Consider that the average income limit for assistance (not includeing WIC) is net $1667 per month, which means in order to qualify for food stamps you would need to each make less than minimum wage for a family of 4. $5.21/her each, or $10.42 together. If the "average" family needs to make over $19/hr to pay the bills, and you need to make $5.21/hr to qualify for assistance that leaves a LOT of people out, getting no help at all. Even people making minimum wage won't qualify!!!!

So, before you dog on someone getting assistance......... think about just how bad off that person has to be just to qualify for that assistance.

Given this information it's no wonder at all that American women are being forced to run back to work before their babies cord stump is even dry. The United states does not have a provision for paid maternity leave so we get 6 weeks unpaid on average. Let's take a look at other countries for a moment and how they help keep mothers and babies together for that critical bonding time. Percentages are of the mothers working income. This is paid BY THE GOVERNMENT and does not include provisions in place by the mothers own employer.

Austria
16 weeks
100%

Belgium
15 weeks
82% for 30 days, then 75%

France
16-26 weeks
100%

Germany
14 weeks
100%

Italy
5 months
80%

Switzerland
8 weeks
100%


Japan
14 weeks
60%

Russia
140 days
100%

Singapore
8 weeks
100%

Israel
12 weeks
75%

Ireland
14 weeks
70% or fixed rate

Sweden
15 mnths (either parent)
75% for 12 mnths, then flat rate

Canada
17-18 weeks
55% for 15 weeks

Also note that many countries give new parents a one time cash benefit of $3,000-$8,000 upon the birth of a child. This is NOT considered a welfare hand out, but a basic right to citizens.

A point that must be made is the United States' blind stab at something similar in the per child tax credit and Earned Income tax credits (currently being phased out) which give lower income families deductions on income taxes for children. This is NOT always a refund, and only applies to people in the low to low-middle tax brackets, which we've already learned is well below what should be considered poverish.

Is it a wonder the population of the United States is on the decline? Is it a wonder we have so many homeless, starving people in this country. Is it a wonder that our welfare rolls are busting at the seams? And is it any wonder that babies are spending more time in daycare than with thier parents?

Again, WE, as a country are FAILING OUR CHILDREN!

living without Alex 9-16-07

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2007 02:15 PM, CDT

this post moved from Alex's original blog


Why do some kids get thier miracles and some don't? I don't know that I will ever understand that. I find myself envious of people who get it. It's very strange to read the story of a kid who made it back from deaths door and have this strangely sad feeling. Most people read stories like that and feel better about life, I do not.

I've been trying to get myself back in my "happy place". I tried to find a counselor to talk to and none are taking new patients that my insurance covers...... it figures.

Many people don't really know this about me but I've had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder since childhood. (I know, if you've seen my disaster of a house you are really surprised huh?) And it's really flared up again. I almost don't even notice it until I'll be instinctively making all the vents in the car perfectly straight or something and Craig will just mess them all up and tell me it's OK if they don't all face perfectly forward...... no it's not! hehe We joke about it a lot because it's really just stupid things like that, but it's just the overwhelming need to have certain things perfect. Hard to explain.

It's not just silly things either, the obsessive thoughts are what is debilitating. The "death monster" that I spoke of before. It's like if I don't do the "rituals" then something bad is going to happen. You'd think people with OCD would live in immaculately clean surroundings. That's not really true. The silly rituals get in the way of things and some days you can spend hours just making sure every sock in the drawer is folded the right way, that the other stuff doesn't get done. So while my house may be a rat trap, there is something that is perfect....... dumb eh?

Anyway. I'm working on it. I go back and forth with it getting bad and then it becoming nearly nonexistant. Now that i've realized that's what this is I just have to recognize it and deal with it and get it to regress again.

But for now, don't mess with my vents! hehe

Well, that was fun

Just a quick note on the previous post. I have to clarify again that when I say that WE are failing our children I do NOT mean that if you coudln't breastfeed, or even if you could and didn't succeed that you are a failure. YOU didn't fail.......... your fellow women, your "village" did.

We need to educate our fellow women, support them, help them succeed. We need to find better ways of getting breastmilk to babies when they cannot get it from their own mothers. We need to stop always looking for the easy way to fix a problem and start fixing it the right way.

Check back in a few days for my sure to be a problem post about welfare! And don't assume you know what my opinion will be on it, I'll bet you'll be wrong!

Anyway, moving on.

I have so many things to do today so here I am sitting at the computer. We found a free garage sale yesterday and I got the kids a lot of new clothes. So my laundry room has once again vomited into my kitchen. We haven't gotten the plug put in for the 220 downstairs so we can run the second dryer, really need to do that!

My house is a sty lately. A 14 room house is NOT easy to keep clean while caring for 6 little mess makers. Nate is a totally cling-on lately and must be held by me at all times. If I so much as walk to the other side of the room he's crying. Poor daddy is feeling a bit like chopped liver. Now he knows how I feel when Shay, as a baby chose him as her favorite! On one hand it's really neat to know that he trusts and loves me that much, on the other I really wish I could use the bathroom in peace at least once a day!

We have to get rid of our cats. Craig's allergies aside, they are driving me crazy. They now have decided that they love Nate's pacifiers. And steal them out of the bed in the middle of the night to take off and chew on them! It's getting a bit expensive! At first they'd steal em out of his bed, well then he decided he'd rather sleep with us anyway and now they come up in OUR bed and steal it. I've had enough! So, if anyone wants a kitty........ I will hook you right up!

For those of you who've been posting in the guestbook at our 9 year olds website, he loves it! Keep it going. If you would like to keep up with him and what's going on right now with his health please email me at kat_76_99@yahoo.com and I'll give you the url. I'm not going to post it here after what happened with our other son's site. As long as that person still has access to this blog, I can't be in full confidence here unfortunately.

Oh, try something fun (ie: scary) once. Google your name, your kids' names. See what you come up with, it's scary. www.google.com

If you are easily offended....

Please keep reading.



I just finished that book I mentioned a few posts ago. Milk, Money, Madness by Naomi Baumslag. I haven't been able to get the following photo out of my head in days....



Photo courtesy of Unicef, Children's Hospital... Pakistan

















"This picture tells two stories: most obviously, about the often fatal consequences of bottle-feeding; more profoundly, about the age-old bias in favour of the male. The child with the bottle is a girl - she died the next day. Her twin brother was breastfed. This woman was told by her mother-in-law that she didn't have enough milk for both her children, and so should breastfeed the boy. But almost certainly she could have fed both children herself, because the process of suckling induces the production of milk. However, even if she found that she could not produce sufficient milk - unlikely as that would be - a much better alternative to bottle-feeding would have been to find a wet-nurse. Ironically, this role has sometimes been taken by the grandmother. In most cultures, before the advent of bottle-feeding, wet-nursing was a common practice.
"Use my picture if it will help", said the mother. "I don't want other people to make the same mistake."- Source: Unicef


Think about that for a moment. Just THINK about it. I know, you are thinking "Ok, in 3rd world countries yes..... not breastfeeding probably is this dangerous" Right? Well chew on this.... for every 1,000 births in DEVELOPED countries, there are 77 hospital admissions for formula fed babies in the first 4 months of life, while only five breastfed infants will be admitted to the hospital in that same timeframe. In the united states, 75 million dollars per year is spent for pediatric visits alone for diarreah, 70% of which is caused from Rotavirus, a bacteria in which breastfeeding has a known preventative effect.


Did you know that "low supply" essentially did NOT EXIST before formula was invented? It took very little work unfortunately to convince worried new mothers that thier bodies would fail.


I know, I know......... pediatricians say............ ask your pediatrician just once how much money he/she gets from formula companies in kick backs. I'm sure they will tell you none..... that will likely be a lie. Even your hospital, the one than hands out the diaper bags? Formula companies agreed to be in compliance with the WHO code, in an effort to stop being sued all the time. The WHO code states that they cannot give formula samples. Do they blatenly ignore this? Yes. More frightening is that they've found wonderful loopholes. They pay hospitals a set amount each year, the hospital in turn uses that money to purchase formula sample diaper bags from the formula companies.....end result? The hospital is distributing the samples, not the formula company.


I won't go on and on, lets just say that even I was blown away reading this book. And contrary to what you would think it isn't written in a dogmatic way, the facts themselves speak volumes.

And something we rarely stop to think about. Do you know how many formula recalls have occured in the last 10 years? Not to say the factories that produce it are unclean, but anything produced by human hands or machines risks being contaminated...... even infant formula. Not to mention that powdered formula is the most widely sild form of formula to the poor....... in many countries those people don't even have access to clean water to mix with it!


Why is cow's milk used as a base for infant formulas even though many other animals milks are a much better match to human milk? Money. Cow's milk is cheap. And with the BGH hormone now being given to cows (which has a known carcinogenic effect) it's even cheaper.

The chief executive of Enfamil takes home over 12 million dollars per year.....


I learned a lot from this book. I learned that my son will never, if I can help it, have formula.... ever. I am proud that he has been given the best start in life, every baby deserves to be breastfed........I've said it once and i'll say it again... WE, as a society ARE FAILING OUR CHILDREN. We need to step it up people. Do right by your own kids and help others to do the same. It takes a village to raise a child.

Bring on the hatemail! Again!

I've decided that I'm finally ready to write the book I have been planning for a while. It will tenatively be called "Broken dreams" and will focus on having and losing an ill child and grieving. There is no grief like that of a bereaved parent and people don't understand and don't know how to respond to us. I am collaborating with other bereaved parents and will be sharing the stories of their children in the book. So far it's coming pretty easily, I'm surprised.

C1 has an interview for a new job on Tuesday. We'll see how that goes.

We are having some health issues with one of our boys. It's been stressfull.

living without Alex 9-4-07

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 04, 2007 08:24 AM, CDT

This post was moved from Alex's original blog


In a wierd way, i've spent the past almost 18 months in a sort of denial. To ask me I would have vehemently swore that I was not in denial, I was coping the best way I could. But I was/am.

I don't think i've ever taken the time to totally process. When Alex was born and got sick, those weeks were such a constant roller coaster. There was never any downtime to think. I never had the chance to really say "Ok, my child was born gravely ill, this is our reality"

After he died, we threw ourselves into things, we got pregnant with Nathan, again, never taking the time to process. To really accept that our child died.

Now that things are leveling out. I find myself realizing that my child was born, he was critically ill, and he died. HE DIED! I read stories of other kids who have died and I feel such a deep sympathy for thier families, it's like I don't realize sometimes that I am one of them.

I remember the Monday before Alex died, the day when the inate "knowing" took over and without being told, I knew he was going to die. I remember making the kids lunch and crying that whole day. Hailey asked what was wrong and I just blurted out "I think Alex is going to die"..... I felt SO bad about saying that, watching the tears well up in her eyes. Yes he had taken a turn for the worse but there had never been a time when anyone said to me "you know, Alex probably isn't going to pull through". I started to question myself. Why would I say that to her?! A child!

That afternoon at the hospital I talked to the child-family life specialist and I didn't tell him that I had told Hailey that, but he said something to me that made a ton of sense. He told me that the worst thing I could do is hide from my kids. They KNOW when something is going on without being told and if you don't say anything, they get scared and upset. If you say it, then at least they know what's going on. You see, kids have a great way of making other people's problems about them. Not that they are selfish, they just always think that if an adult is upset it's somehow thier fault. So by saying what I said, Hailey knew that I was upset about Alex, and it wasn't her fault.

This grieving process. It's hard to get a handle on. There is no right or wrong way to do it and that makes it extremely difficult to know if the things I do, my coping mechanisms, are they normal or abnormal? Am I grieving in a "healthy" way, or not?

I suppose I'm greiving in my way. And that makes it the right way. I just wish someone would come along and tell me how I can put this behind me....how I can understand.

He's been on my mind a lot more than usual lately. It struck me odd the other day when I saw a kid who had a feeding tube and the mom was tending to his needs. I got sad and thought how I wish I had the opportunity. Who WISHES for a sick child? It's so strange, like I was robbed of being mom to an Alex who would have been normal and healthy, but then I was robbed of an Alex who was sick and needed such indepth care. I had prepared myself for spending the rest of my life tending to his needs with medications, doctor visits, surgeries, procedures. And I'm grieving THAT too. I guess anything you prepare for and dont' get is a loss.....

School is back in session baby!

Ok, almost. Tomorrow my 2 oldest start school, and Wednesday thier 3 younger siblings. Stupid you say? Why have kids in the same district start school on different days? That's asinine? Yes.

For the past 2 years the hateful evil wench we call a principal and her sidekick nasty demon spawn administrator have made it so that the elementary school starts a day behind the middle and high schools. Instead of going to school the first day, these children AND thier parents (who's jobs apparently mean nothing) must be at the school at a time designated by the principal to meet teachers, listen to the same lecture over and over, fill out paperwork that must have stripped a good sized forest, pay fees, pad lunch accounts, donate to the PTO..... THEN you walk down a hall where the area dentist, doctor, construction company, whatever hands your child advertisement pencils and bookmarks and whatever else. This all takes no less than 2 hours.......... if you have one child. I, this year again, will have THREE in that school. It will be a full day.

So. All the crap is bought. initials marked on every pencil, eraser, ruler, and backpack (yes, every pencil......... it's required). All the school clothes hung neatly for the first day. Everything in order......

Until......... the night-before-the-first-day-ever-of-middle-school-and-if-i-don't-have-everything-perfect-i'll-just-DIE drama queen comes home from her day at the MN state fair with Grandma. A 30 minute tirade/try to get mom to convince someone to open the mall tonight so that I can get THE perfect outfit ends with everything she owns on her bedroom floor.

Guess who refused to try on any of her clothes in the store? Guess who was too busy with her social obligations to try any of her school clothes on EVER? Guess who is wearing a boys belt tomorrow to keep her pants up? HAHAHAHAHA sorry chicka.... you will live through it.

Boys are so easy in comparison. Austin doesn't really care if he wears holey sweatpants to school let alone THE perfect pair of jeans from Abercrombie. (yes, this is the same child that last week talked of wanting to donate all her money to charity.... funny)

That's ok............ wait til her dad sees the shirt she thinks she's getting out of the house in tomorrow.............. i'll update with round 2 of the "school clothes war" tomorrow

Show me the money...

Ok so I said I was going to blog about baby Einstein.... that is still coming. Ok so I haven't even written it yet but I've thought about it so that's a good step in the right direction.

I am just about to begin reading a book called "Milk, Money, Madness". I assure you there will be a lengthy blog entry following my completion of it.

So. This entry is about money. I was talking to my oldest daughter yesterday and the conversation, as it does a lot with her, turned to money. She's in that age, where vanity pretty much runs the show and thier biggest stressor is what if Britney wears the SAME thing I do to school the first day...... Remember being 12?

So, she says to me:

Momma? What would you do if you won the lottery?

Now I have put a lot of thought into this question, much like every other person on the planet I'm sure. My answer tends to be a little different than the average Joe though.

I asked her to answer first. And my daughter, this beautiful girl who it seems just yesterday was toddling around in my shoes playing dress up (her feet are now bigger than mine), who I swear just last week graduated pre-kindergarten says the most intelligent, most caring, most compassionate, and most well thought thing I've ever heard.

Well..... I would first buy us a house. But not a HUGE house, just a house big enough for us to be comfortable and not cramped. Then I'd buy grandma and auntie J and uncle A houses too.... the just right kind too. Then, I'd buy you all dependable cars if you didn't already have them, so that everyone can be safe....

I TOTALLY at this point expected my daughter to start in with HER personal wish list. A convertible maybe? A horse? All the clothes at Gap?

My child people is the most wonderful 12 year old girl I've ever met. Because instead of telling me what she would buy for herself or her friends, she told me something that made my heart melt and tears stream down my face.

And THEN, she told me..... I would watch people.

I asked her what she meant by watch people.

"I would watch people, like a single mom who's busting her butt trying to pay the rent? I'd buy her a house. And the guy who walks to his job at McDonalds in the cold every winter? You remember him? I'd buy him a car. Just show up with it one day and ring his doorbell and run away so he didn't know who it was......

And then I'd find some sick kids who didn't have money for treatments. Like S's friend N who needed the cochlear implants? Weren't those like $100,000? Yeah kids like her. And I'd give thier moms and dads the money so they could hear again, see again, walk again.

And I'd go to big cities and I'd find the homeless people and most people say they would buy them lunch, but I wouldn't do that. I would really HELP them. Like find out why they are homeless... what happened? Was it drugs? injury or illness? And if they needed drug treatment I would pay for it, and when they graduated I would help them find a job and an apartment.

By this time I'm crying visibly. She asks me what is wrong and I tell her to continue because hers is the most beautiful wish I've ever heard.

She continues for another few minutes about the various types of people and what she would do to help them better thier lives. She has REALLY thought this through, it's amazing.

Then she stops and says

"But I'll never win the lottery or anything like that" I ask her why...

"Because did you ever see the people who win the lottery? When they get asked what they are going to do with the money they always say things like travel, or buy a big fancy house, or leave it to make sure thier kids are rich........

So I've decided that I think money really IS evil. So since I want to do good with it the devil will never allow me to have it. God doesn't control it at all, the devil does....... and I never want to join his side even if it means I could help people. Because money isn't the only way. Like the lady I helped with her groceries today, all these grown ups walked around her cause she was moving slow and I helped her with her bags and she was a very nice lady, she gave me $10 and wouldn't take it back............ do you know what I did with it?

She just looked at me, this sly grin on her face for a bit..... "I flushed it down the toilet, take THAT Devil!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Now tell me. How did I get lucky enough in life to be the mom to a pre-teen like this. I must not be completely screwing up after all!

Did you know that the average American gives 10% of his income to charity and the average millionaire gives only 4%?

My kid is better than yours

What is it with people feeling the need to compare children. I see/hear this constantly. A mother can't help herself; when she hears another mother excitedly talk about her baby, but chime in with her own story about how her child walked at 3 days old and was speaking full sentences at 2 months and went to princeton before most kids potty train.

Why? Why can't we accept that our children are unique individuals and they learn wonderful new things every day? Why do we feel the need to have the smartest, biggest, most astute children on the planet?

My own children are lazy. I'll admit it. My 3rd child didn't walk til he was nearly a year and half. He does it perfectly now. My daughter didn't crawl til almost a year..... they just had to implement a gifted program for her and a couple other students last year. My oldest was very quick to learn..... he now averages a D in school. Yet they all have strengths and weaknesses that make them who they are. They won't be good at everything, they will downright be awful at something, and they will excel at something else. That is perfectly fine with me.

I have more to write later, on the "baby einstein" phenomenon, but for now I must save the kittens from my 2 year old neice. I think I heard one say "help".

Bubba's site is back!

More proof that evil never wins!

Distracted nurser

So, Nathan now has better things to do than nurse. He will nurse and get the foremilk then want to switch and get the foremilk on the second side and then he's done. His weight gain is tanking a bit and I think it's cause he just won't nurse long enough to get the hindmilk. I've tried getting him to stay on the first side and he just won't do it. I'm frustrated! Any tips?

100 things about me

Oh hell, I haven't yet done one of these so I guess I'll do it. Let's see how many I get done before N wakes up.

1. I'm 31 years old
2. I have the best husband on the planet
3. Our 10 year anniversary is next month
4. No one thought we'd last a year
5. We got married 9 months and 3 days after we first met
6. Our first child together was born 4 months later
7. We have 8 kids between us
8. 2 are mine, 1 is his, and 5 are ours
9. Only 7 of them are living
10. 1 of them lives in ND with his maternal grandparents
11. We wish he could live here, but that will never be possible
12. Our living children range from age 16 to 7 months
13. I had my first child at 17
14. His sister came along not quite 2 years later
15. I don't know my father
16. I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers
17. I only claim 1 of each
18. My baby brother got married this year
19. In January he had no kids.... in October he'll have a third
20. His wife had a daughter before they met, his ex had his baby in May, thiers is due in Oct
21. He's so cute driving a mini van
22. 21 done? that's all?!
23. Despite having 6 kids and being a Doula.... I have little patience
24. Yet I am a procrastinator
25. I start projects all the time and never finish them
26. Right now I need to make C some chef's pants
27. I was raised by a single mother, on welfare
28. It wasn't a bad childhood.
29. My mom was always there
30. When I was 12 she moved us with nothing but our clothes to another city
31. And worked full time
32. I had to be mom to my brother (2) and my sister (8)
33. I resented my mom for that for many years
34. I don't anymore
35. That experience though paved the way for many of my beliefs now
36. I will probably breastfeed N til he's 2 or 3
37. Definitely not in high school
38. I love having 6 kids
39. It's not as stressfull as you'd think
40. I don't love having to drive a huge vehicle
41. I currently drive a suburban
42. I can't park it
43. I would love to have more kids
44. if my health improves
45. I'd adore twins
46. Maybe
47. My mom was a twin
48. Her sister died at birth
49. My mother had 7 living siblings
50. My grandfather worked for Al Capone
51. I am related to the late Mother Theresa
52. My grandfather died when my mother was only 9
53. My grandmother died when she was 19
54. My uncle died when she was 29
55. My Aunt Mary broke the "10 year curse" by refusing to die when my mother was 39
56. She has smoked like a chimney for 50 years
57. She's the healthiest person I know
58. Aside from her, I don't like my extended family
59. They are snobs
60. I've been called a snob
61. In some ways, they are right
62. I didn't speak as a child outside my home
63. I was that shy
64. My son has sensory integration dysfunction
65. It was caught and treated early
66. He's a "normal" 4 year old today
67. I am an organ donor
68. If my son could have used my heart, I would have cut it out myself
69. He had Tetralogy of Fallot with pulmonary atresia and absent pulmonary artery
70. big words for big problems
71. He was perfect in my eyes
72. His nurse use to call him a "bad egg"
73. That still makes me laugh
74. I found out after N was born that his name means "God's Gift"
75. He has an "angel kiss" birthmark on his nose
76. His ped said it should go away before he's a year
77. I secretly hope it doesn't. It's from his brother
78. If I had a million dolllars I would give it all away
79. Probably to stem cell research
80. I consider myself a democrat by default
81. I don't like the president
82. I don't know who i'll vote for in '08
83. It doesn't matter anyway
84. I have green eyes and red hair
85. I'm irish and polish
86. My oldest daughter is half native american
87. She is gorgeous
88. I always said her biological father would have made a pretty girl
89. He did
90. He isn't in her life
91. He's a homeless drunk
92. My oldest son is very involved with his father
93. As it shoudl be
94. I actually got through this whole thing during N's nap
95. I have had many jobs
96. A photographer, a bartender, a waitress
97. I served Cindy Crawfords family at her sisters wedding
98. I made $500 that day
99. We made $9,000 combined our first year of marriage
100. We seemed to have more money then