Suppressed

I'm feeling rather suppressed here. Which is probably why my posts have become fewer and further between. I've been thinking lately about moving over to wordpress or something where I can password protect some of my entries, giving me a bit more freedom to use this blog as was intended but I just haven't done it I suppose.

I just get so frustrated sometimes with not being able to truly express myself. I sometimes feel like every word I type on this blog is scrutinized, taken out of context and made to be a personal attack on someone else. Why can't it just be what it is? Why can't MY blog just be about ME?

Maybe that's selfish but it seems reasonable. I don't mind people reading it, in fact it's a great way for people to keep up on the goings on in our lives since sadly we don't get to see or talk to friends and family often enough.

I guess sometimes I don't really know what I want. Tonight I'm feeling depressed and defeated and indecisive and frustrated about nothing and everything at once. Ever get like that? Where you aren't quite sure why suddenly you just feel beaten down? It's like life sometimes just catches up to me and stares me down. Tomorrow i'll be fine. Strange. I think I really have some demons to confront and sometimes late at night I get tired of running away from them and they start to gain on me a bit.

Sometimes I get tired of defending myself. I get tired of trying to live my life the way I see best and being told I'm doing it wrong. I guess if I want this to stop I'll have to just live with the same robotic principals (or lack thereof) as everyone else. I just think that would be failing my family and myself. Sometimes the weight on my shoulders is just very draining. Why can't the world just leave us alone?