So I went

I saw the therapist yesterday and will be going every week for a while. She really gave me some insight. I have had people telling me, and I've been telling myself that I have to process what happened to Alex, I have to deal with that or I won't be able to move on.

I got a huge sense of relief when she said "why would you do that? If you fall off a bike and break your leg you don't keep recreating the scene to figure out how it happened in order to heal it, you move FORWARD not backward"

She also said that she thinks Alex's death made me lose some faith in my intuition. I don't trust myself anymore. That would make sense since I've always wondered how I could have not known he was sick. Truth is, I did, I just denied it.

It's going to be a slow process. The first thing we are working on is for me to be able to sleep because my inability to sleep at night is making everything else that much more pronounced. She gave me some ideas to help my anxiety at night so I can fall asleep. It seemed to help last night, hopefully it will continue.

I'm glad I took the step. I was afraid but she really picked a lot of things out that I didn't realize. I was going about my recovery in completely the wrong way. I was trying to fix things that didn't need to be fixed and missing the ones that did.