You would probably be surprised...

If I told you that I feel censored here. Funny right? With all the things I rant and rave about you are probably thinking if THIS is censored.............?! Right?

But I do. I feel censored. I have my opinions on issues and whatever and I have NO problem being challenged on them. I love a good debate (I know, shocker eh?) and love that my readers can get just as fired up as I do. And I'm really glad this blog has been that outlet for me since it's really not a great idea to walk into a supermarket and announce over the loudspeaker that I think we, as a society of mothers are failing. Here, I won't likely get punched in the face. I'm delicate, I don't need that. Here, I can hammer out a conflict with a reader with words and not fists, I prefer it that way. I don't get to be opinionated in real life.

So How could I possibly feel censored here if I'm willing to spew my words of craziness about breastfeeding, politics, religion, and childbirth with little regard as to whom I offend? Well, I can't talk about ME here. That's the problem.

In attracting a following of likeminded people. People that love to debate and either love me because of my opinions and can't wait to hear the next, or hate me for them but can't stay away from the trainwreck. People that judge me (as they have the right to) for this and that. It's easy to be judged for my opinions about issues, it's not easy to be judged on MY issues.

But you know. This blog is my life and I really need to just be me and I have to figure that if you don't like it, or if it makes me appear weak, or if you think I need psychotropic medication and a padded cell that's your perogative. But I need to work out some of the things going on in that noggin. I need to figure things out and I need to be able to write freely to do that. So from today forward I am not going to censor myself on this blog. I'm not going to sit with a blank page open anymore with so much to type but close it and move on due to fear of what people might think. Will they think I'm a bad mother because I've battled depression? What would they think of me if they knew I was molested at age 5? What if XYZ part of my life bothers people or makes them uncomfortable?

I'm just not going to do that anymore. I have to be able to use this blog to heal, heal from a lot of things in my life that I haven't scratched the surface on. And either my readers can learn a bit about me and why I am the way I am, or they can find other reads that more closely fit what they are looking for.

So that's that. The change has been made. From this day forward there will be no holding back. No backspacing what I write, no posts saved to draft never to be published. And if that means I get judged, I do. I need to learn to allow these parts of my life to be seen and maybe even to be commented on so I can deal with them out in the open and I appreciate your help.