Goodbye little baby

I am sad to say that our little baby was not to be. He or she is now in heaven with big brother Alex. On Monday morning I had a small gush of fluid that I wrote off as normal pregnancy discharge, then I started spotting at 3pm yesterday and it progressed through the night with cramping and clotting and passage of tissue. I hope it all goes quickly.

This is my first miscarriage. Awful. We so badly wanted this baby and are heartbroken. I'm surprised at just how sad I was at 4am this morning when the cramping took over and bleeding increased and I realized that it wasn't just some fluke thing, this was it...... I honestly never thought grieving a baby you never saw could compare to our losing Alex and while it isn't the same, loss is loss and we feel the same loss of our hopes and dreams for this baby as we did for Alex.

The midwife and I agreed to wait it out and I go in 2 weeks to make sure everything has passed and I am on the road to recovery unless something warrants a visit sooner. I hope not. Craig made a good point that my body is pretty good at what it does, I should have no problem. I hope not because I really REALLY don't want a D&C.

We told the kids this afternoon. We tried to make it as lighthearted as possible and they seemed ok.

We beleive that the miscarriage was because of an abnormality with the baby and thank God that he went easy on our hearts by not allowing us to watch another child suffer being born sick, as Alex had. God is good. While we are upset and saddened, we realize that God is in control and knows what he's doing and he has reasons far beyond our desires.