Living without Alex 4-14-06

FRIDAY, APRIL 14, 2006 09:59 PM, CDT
Well I went today after all, I just couldn't not go when it was my moms birthday. Instead of going to Chuck E Cheese though we went to the Como zoo.

As I was driving along I-94 and our exit came up, I had this insane urge to just keep on going and go to the hospital. I mean such a strong urge that I almost missed my exit completely. But I got it together.

So I take the exit and my cell phone starts ringing. I wasn't going to answer it because I am quite a danger to society if I drive and talk at the same time, but I just answered it anyway. Turns out, it was a mom of Alex's old hospital roomate, the docs use to call our boys the 'wonder twins' because they were born within a week of each other, had the exact same diagnosis, and pretty much followed each other's course of treatment, complications and all.

We chatted for a few minutes about how Tyler was doing, how we are doing and all that.

So now, I have this insane urge to visit. I really really REALLY miss it there. I miss the house, the hospital, the staff, hell even sometimes I miss the nasty cafeteria's 'is this really meat?' burgers. It feels like we just left such a HUGE part of our life at that hospital. We were forever changed inside those walls, like a factory where you go in and they completely remake you, and you go out the door headed for the big new world a different person.

I'm worried though. Will going there, seeing Tyler and Luke and all the nurses and stuff completely undue any healing I've managed to accomplish? Or will it help me to finally put it all behind me once and for all?

That is the question.......