Sunday, July 9, 2006

Alex's birth story part 2

SUNDAY, JULY 09, 2006 05:06 PM, CDT
Part 2:

Please read the entry before this first.

After a couple of minutes I knew I couldn't just sit there and wonder anymore and Craig and I ventured down the hall past the well baby nursery and to the window of the special care nursery. I was actually releived by what I saw, a nurse giving him blow-by oxygen. I figured if he was getting blow-by then he was actually breathing on his own and that was a very good thing. They let us in and the nurse said "he's just having a little trouble getting enough oxygen, respiratory therapy is bringing a hood and we'll see if that does the trick" Not wanting to be in the way and it seeming as if everything is well under control and not too scary, we went back to our room.

We sat there and cried for a while, both still quite unsure what was going on but terrified that our perfect world had just been turned on it's nose. I tried to stay optimistic because I know babies, especially early babies can struggle with thier breathing and need some help for a few days. Still the tears woulnd't stop coming.

The midwife came in and I think for the first time I really started to realize that something wasn't right at all. It seemed as if information and no information at the same time was just flying all around us. I remember hearing "we think it's his heart, these things can be fixed" and "we can't get him intubated". Then the priest came. When I saw him my heart sank and I literally sobbed like I had never before. My baby was dying. We were taken down to see Alex and he was very very blue. I was scared of him and cried harder at the guilt of that thought. I looked at them bagging his tiny blue body and couldn't bear to watch my son die in front of me.

I stood there for a minute and the midwife I think kind of nudged me closer. Craig and I kissed his little head and told him we loved him. They asked if we wanted him baptised "if anything should happen".

We went back to our room to await the ambulance that would take Alex to a bigger hospital better equipped to care for him. Numerous people made numerous attempts to intubate him, with no success. Aircraft was grounded due to the fog. The 2 1/2 hour wait for the ambulance seemed an eternity and everytime I looked at the clock it seemed to be standing still. I was dishcharged and the midwife and nurse helped us pack up our belongings. They tried to get me to eat but there was no way anything was going down without coming back up.

Finally we were told the ambulance had arrived. We were taken back down to Alex to see him quick before he was loaded up. His color was worse but when the doctor lifted the mask off his face he let out a tiny squeak of a cry which for that moment I took as his way of saying "i'm ok". The NICU team informed us that they too had been unsuccessfull in intubating him and after we kissed him and told him we loved him they loaded him in the incubator and left with our sweet baby.

We went back to our room where the doctor sat down and told us the news, it was worse than we could have imagined. It was his heart, but they thought he had deformities in his breathing tubes as well, possibly all over his body.... she said "it's very very grave". We were given 2 pictures of him and they helped us to the car and we headed after our baby boy.

On to part 3.............

No comments: