Damn I love technology!

I think I'm a little spoiled. See, I bought the new Iphone 3G about a month ago and ever since then I've found my patience dwindling. My Iphone has pretty much let me do everything from it so effortlessly (except of course send picture messages, since the Iphone doesn't support MMS messaging..... WTF, I thought any phone built after like 1999 had MMS???) that I just want to be able to do most everything from it. I don't even use the computer to check my email anymore, even that is so much more simplified on my phone.

Which brings me to my bane. My blog. In a perfect world I would have a wonderful blogger app on my phone that let me simply load the latest picture and update on my fam in seconds. But I haven't been able to find a good, simple FREE app (I refuse to pay for apps). My Facebook app lets me upload a picture and type a quick "what I'm doin" in about 10 seconds. That's what I need people, because 10 seconds is usually all I have. And I'm addicted to facebook. ADDICTED. Facebook is my brand of heroin people, i'm telling you.

So I got twitter, thinking well this is pretty cool. I can post updates in twitter and they show up on my sidebar. And it's pretty easy to attach a picture too. Except people can't just see the picture there on my page, they have to click the link.

This is still ok but I about fell over today when a friend told me that Facebook has this same functionality. Where, what, huh?

After some googling I finally found it. Badges.

So, on the right side of my blog you'll see my facebook junk. It's suppose to post my status updates and photos I upload, and hey if you really want to you can click it and add me to your circle of Facebook friends. I'm cool with that.

Here's the thing. I did a test status update and photo upload about 20 minutes ago and it's still not on my blog! Did I mention I have little patience?

So, for now the twitter one is staying put until I figure out how I screwed up this Facebook badge or if it really just doesn't update very often. Maybe while I wait for it to update I'll look on my phone again for a great Blogger app.

Kat's faves of the week

So, I read a TON of blogs. Seriousely all I do online is schoolwork, facebook, and blogs. Why? I'm a people watcher and since going to the mall with 6 kids and people watching isn't all that feasable without a few shots of whiskey down the old hatch first, I people watch by reading blogs.

I've decided to share some of them with you so every week I'll be linking to some blogs that knock my socks off.

If you have a blog I'd love to read it! Leave a comment to any post with your blog addy in it and I'll visit, And it may even end up featured in my faves.

This week I was so moved by little Jonah's sweet baby face despite what must be a very painful condition

On the flipside, This chick makes me laugh til I pee myself. More than once I've had to read her posts to Craig because I just cannot contain such brilliance in my own head.

Loook over there ----->

So, now you can keep up with what I'm doing ALL DAY LONG. That nifty thing on my sidebar plus my twitter app for my Iphone will keep you and I connected in ways we never dreamed. How awesome is that? If any of you are twits (just had to say it) too add me, mom2angelalex. Now you'll never miss a beat of my ever exciting and event filled life (or lack thereof).

A Hailey-ism

So, My darling teenage daughter calls me a minute ago from her cell phone. A glimpse at the mind of a 13 year old.

Hailey: Mom, guess what? (that's how she starts every conversation)

Me: What?

Hailey: I just figured out that I can put my whole fist in my mouth

Me: *silence*

Hailey: I really can.

Me: uh, that's great.....

Hailey: Grandma told me I should try to put my foot in my mouth

Me: Hailey you put your foot in your mouth all the time

Hailey: I do not!

Me: *laughs*

Hailey: ................ huh? I don't get it

God love her.

Of tummy aches and asshats

I know. Two posts from me in the same day. Did you think you'd ever see it again? I most certainly didn't. But here I am, at 10pm typing in my blog about absolutely nothing.

I have a belly ache. For days... DAYS. I'm pretty sure at this point that I have some horrible tumor in my colon that's going to have to be hacked out leaving me carrying a colostomy bag around for the rest of my life flinging poo at strangers because a colostomy would most certainly make me suddenly go batshit crazy very quickly. Dr Google helps me diagnose myself, his accuracy is questionable but it fuels my need to walk around an effing nutcase from anxiety as I'm prone to enjoy doing so I consult Dr Google on a regular basis. Last month I had a bruise on my leg that I was almost certain was some horrible disease from the Congo that I must have aquired from the shopping cart handle at the supermarket until I remembered that whacking my knee on the cabinet at work, in THAT spot, was a more logical explanation. I know, logic.... who would have thought...

There's something else bothering me as of late. (like that? it sounds smart doesn't it). And that something is the fact that I seem to be the only person on the planet that can see the obvious on a regular basis. Take, for instance this situation.

Ok, so you have a school, and that school has classrooms. Still with me? Ok, cause there's a lot of details so pay attention. Now, this school has this nifty thing called a school board whose job it is to make sure all the goings on of the school go on. Simple enough, no? Ok, so these school board members must be paid generous salaries because well, they ARE the God's of the school district you see. The decision makers and all.

So. These school board members sometimes don't make the best decisions and as such parents, who pay the taxes to support the school and all, choose to take their children and put them in other schools. The government sees this happening and says whoa tiny school district, you just got tinier and now we must cut your funding and give that money to the districts that are growing because of your dumbass decisions (ok, so maybe they use different words, I don't know).

So now the Gods of the school district are faced with a new dilemma. How are we going to keep our school running? A logical person might say "well Mr schoolboard God, you might consider limiting salaries of overpaid administrators, you know.... for the sake of the children and their education and all". But no, we don't pay the schoolboard God's to be LOGICAL, that would be......... well, logical, no?

Oh no, we couldn't possibly do that. So the school district God's come up with an even BETTER idea. These teachers, if we get rid of a few of these teachers then we will have the money to line our pockets with. WONDERFUL idea!

So they fire... er "retire" a few teachers.

Wonderful.... but uh oh, new problem. What will we do with the CHILDREN those teachers taught? Good lord what a dilemma.

But wait! The school district Gods' say. If we get creative we can fit DOUBLE the desks into schoolrooms! So they take classroom sizes and double them. THERE! That will work!

Oooooh now we have these extra classrooms that aren't being used. The parents aren't going to be too happy about that, seeing their child in a classroom crammed with 30 students while rooms sit empty... they won't like that at all.

So the school district Gods stew and ponder and ponder and stew. And finally they come up with an ingenius idea! Let's use those classrooms as a DAYCARE CENTER! This will be wonderful. In incorporating a daycare center inside the school building we will certainly put other daycares in the community out of business, then we can charge more than they did anyway which will benefit our personal bank accounts tremendousely!

Gosh, how did we get so smart! THEN we can hold fundraisers and raise money for the daycare and get even MORE money! We will charge parents $5.00 an hour to take care of their children and then we will make them feel sorry for us needing equipment and ask that they purchase goods to raise MORE money to buy things for our new cash cow. But we must be careful not to boast our profits, for it will serve us much better to convince the community to feel sorry for us. We can't let on that parents are removing their children from this district at lightening speed because of horrible budgeting and self serving professionals. NO WAY! We must keep it on the down low so that the people of this community, who were dumb enough to elect us in the first place beleive that the districts problems were beyond our control, or better yet we can convince them that they don't exist at all!

Drug problem? What drug problem? Doesn't exist.
School violence? Well that doesn't exist here either!
A middle school principal that isn't necessary because the high school principal (schools are in one building) just came from a school where he was principal to both of these schools put together times 4? No one will notice that!
Administrative salaries growing at a faster rate than that of teachers? Nah, they won't catch that either!

Why didn't anyone think of this before? Since we are offering such a generous service to the community certainly no one will notice that we are stuffing 30 children into a classroom or that we have "retired" a few good teachers. No one will notice at all!

Because apparently we're idiots. Idiots being led by the blind and walking into traffic regardless. Entrusting much more than just our tax dollars to people who have no regard for anything but their own agenda.

Working moms

These past few years have been a place of finding myself, of figuring out who I am and what I beleive is right and living my life to reflect that.

It's amazing to me how some things have not changed and some things have nearly done a 180. One of those things is my views on working moms.

Now, I still beleive daycare is an abomination. I doubt that will ever change. It still saddens me to my core to think of tiny children, 6 week old infants even being dropped off at some commercial building to spend their day with someone who's mere "job" it is to care for them and how many others. Now, I don't put at home daycares completely in the same category as daycare centers in that at home daycare providers seem, from what I've seen, to develop a very close bond with the children they care for and see taking those children into their lives as part of their lives, not the job they punch the time clock on from 9-5. At the end of the day though, at home or commercial daycare is still a near stranger going through the motions of parenting without the deep emotional connection only a mother, grandmother, aunt, etc can have.


Being a working mom myself now, and realizing the fullfillment my job gives me on a personal and professional level my views have softened. I now have learned that having something that makes YOU feel fullfilled can make you a better asset to your family. Whatever that may be. Although my husband and I both work we still do whatever it takes to make sure our children do NOT set foot in daycare. We keep them surrounded by people who love them, who, even if there was no pay involved would still be just as happy to devote the time to them. Craig is very fortunate to be able to tweak his schedule when needed to fill in some overlap and on the average week where there is one day we both work the same shift his mother has been coming to spend time with the kids. It's an amazing gift, as she hasn't been able to spend a whole lot of time with them through their childhoods, she's getting to know them, and them her, on a whole new level.

I still don't beleive that both parents should work full time if they don't need to for financial or insurance reasons. There are many things one can do WITH their children that are fulfilling and meet the need of keeping your own interests. But I no longer beleive that working outside the home is such a horrible thing, if every effort is made to keep time in daycare at an absolute minimum.

Seems like it's been pretty much forever since I've posted any pictures here. Y'all, school is kicking my butt. Some days I feel like if someone throws just one more pin in, the lot I'm juggling will crash. On the other hand..... I like it. I like being busy, I like having a purpose and a schedule and things I need to do. As much as I loved being a SAHM it's nice to be busy.


Let me introduce you to my newest lil nephew (what's with the testosterone in this family, anyway?) Ethan Walter. He was born on March 9th which is his grandmommy in heaven's birthday. Here dad was helping mom into the shower after birth and I seized the opportunity to cuddle and blind the dear child with camera flash. As you can see, he's pretty much saying "one more time lady, and I shove Mr Nikon where the sun don't shine".... yeah, he's a little sassy already.

In other important news. On Sunday I wandered around taking DNA from people. Those people are (allegedly in one case) my parents. I am finally, once and for all going to confirm my parentage. Now, there's no doubt in my mind that my father is my father. His eldest daughter and I could have been identical twins (we ARE only 3 months apart...... hence the reason there's all the drama) as children. But THEY don't beleive it, so I've shelled out the bucks to prove it and be done with it. Now, my father was in a horrible accident when I was 11 and had a very serious brain injury, he doesn't remember much of anything from before the accident and is, in such, utterly useless at helping except for via his DNA. I sent the swabs on all 3 of us in on Monday and should know the results by mid next week.

I'm also happy to say that the drama with Hailey getting her ass whooped at school is finally O-V-E-R!!! We scrapped the teen court shit as it was only serving to keep both girls in the drama and draw the whole thing out and yesterday, in all of 5 minutes, went in front of a local judge who told Hailey not to be disorderly again (remember, she called the girl a whore), paid our $77 ticket and washed our hands of the whole thing.

Following court I went and had dinner with my soul sister. She took me to this itty bitty little hicktown place that served a wonderfully strange meal of pork steak, dumplings, sour kraut, and gravy. I'm not sure who dreamt up the concoction, but it was very yummy.

It's funny how these "dates" with her go. We will not see each other for MONTHS and then just talk like there's never been a space. It's the strangest friendship there is, as we disagree on a lot of thing and come from completely different backgrounds. But for some reason it works. There's just this silent understanding. She knows when i'm bullshitting myself and isn't afraid to call me on it and oddly, I don't get the slightest bit defensive when she does. It goes both ways, I'm 100% not afraid to be myself around her. Part of that comes from her seeing me in what was literally my darkest hour... nothing I can ever do can be worse than the hours after Alex died and the day of his funeral.

So our friendship is simply without explanation. It just is. I can talk to her after months apart and just spill my guts and she gets exactly what I'm saying like she's been there all along. In fact I have to think sometimes when I tell her something because I'm never sure if she already knows. It seems like more often than not she does. I've tried to analyze it and last night I really realized that there's no point. It just is.

And last, but not least I'd like to ask you to Pray/wish/send thoughts/do some wierd voodoo/ whatever your thing is and send it this little guy's way. This little dude (with an awesome name btw) needs our love hope that his heart will be healed.

Now you see me, now you don't!

If you've been checking here this past week you may have noticed something strange. I knew it was coming time for my registration on my domain name to be up and I missed the email stating it was. After a bit of panic I'm back! Whew!

Something exciting. I entered this essay contest for to represent the hospital I work for at the state Healthcare employee pride through the WHA and I won! In May my whole family gets to go to the Dells for some waterpark fun. The kids are super excited and the next 6 weeks is going to drag for them I'm sure!

What else. I caved and bought a new washer and dryer. Whirlpool Duet front load system. and OH- MY- GOD what my clothes have been missing! Everything is cleaner and softer and well, I'm old and laundry excites me. The best part is I can fit 3 of my old loads (and my old washer was a super capacity!) in there and it only uses a TABLESPOON of detergent. So yeah, pretty excited about that.

The weather has been so wierd around here. One day it's 60 and the next snowing. I guess it's true, if you don't like the weather just wait 5 minutes and it'll change. I can't wait for the muck to be all dried up so we can get outside, in the summer we dont' spend much time indoors and this one will be no different I'm sure.

So there's my little update. I'l post pics of Nate in his glasses sooon, it's freaking adorable I'm telling you.

Keepin it real folks

Ok, this might dissapoint some people, it might make some people get down on their knees and pray for my very soul (which could never hurt, I suppose), But that's the beauty of it being MY blog on the internet, there's a nifty X on top of this page that will simply bring you back to the adorable picture of your boyfriend/kid/dog on your desktop.



At this moment in time I don't consider myself A Christian. I just don't. I've tried, desperately at times, to have a relaltionship with the God I was brought up to praise but you know what? All I ever hear is silence, all I ever feel is lonliness from my talks with God. I feel like there's no one listening and I'm talking to myself, which isn't always a bad thing either, sometimes only we can be brutally honest with ourselves. I'm just not FEELING it.



I was baptised in a Catholic church when, as an infant, my mother made that decision for me based on what she was raised to beleive. I attended a pentacostal church through my teen years after we were no longer welcome in the Catholic congregation because of the whole unwed mother/bastard child thing. (where speaking in tongues never failed to creep me out). I was baptised 3 times. Once per the Catholic ways of baptising babies lest they die and their spirits hang in purgatory for eternity, once in gradeschool per the pentacostal way of waiting until a child is old enough to understand the meaning of baptism, and once in my teen years, apparently just for the hell of it. I even went to Christian school in 2nd grade, where I fell miserably behind my public schooled peers and have paid for it since.

I have tried at various times in my adult life to find my church "home", never succeeding. Never able to find the place where I felt free to be myself, accepted, and at ease with the sermon spoken in front of me.

In all of my experience in church I was left with more questions than answers. I would see these people go to church every sunday and shake hands with those beside them and then hit the bar for some cocktails and congregation bashing later. Did you know so and so did this? Who WAS that lady in the 4th pew. Did you see Mrs Smith in JEANS? Oh my.

I began to wonder if these people even read the same bible I had. Yes my friends, I have read the bible cover to cover. MY bible looked the same as theirs and was purchased at the same store, but seemed to speak a message far different than many of theirs. You see, my bible spoke of a Jesus who spread a message of love and kindness. Most people I met in church were anything but loving and kind once they walked out of those double doors and into the parking lot. My bible spoke of "judge not lest you be judged yourself" yet most "Christians" I know are some of the most judgemental people I've met. ( said MOST, not all, so to quote a dear friend of mine please pull your head from your sacral iliac now).

You see, I have never felt as judged as I have IN church. I have never felt as though I was surrounded by people with two complely different faces as I have in church.

And so began a few years of self discovery. I even spent some time learning Pagan beliefs.

I turned back to God a few years ago and in the time befor Alex was conceived until shortly after he died I embraced my belief in the lord wholeheartedly. I did what I thought I was suppose to, I gave him everything I had and listened intently to hear his direction.

I got nothin folks. Nothin. Nothing at all. Silence.

My mom always liked the 'Footprints' poem which talks about footprints in the sand and the person asks why if the 2 sets of footprints are his and God's, why sometimes in the path are there only one set and God tells him that those are the times he carried him.

Well listen. If I were being carried would my feet not feel the burn of the hot coals under them these past years? If I were being carried would I be so exhausted? No. I've felt every one of those coals, I've exhausted myself trying to move forward in sand that turned to quicksand at times and the God that I begged for help never once carried me.

I know that my Christian friends will say that my trials are tests of the lord. I know they will say that simply beleiving and having a relationship with the lord does not exempt one from bad experiences. Well then I say, what? What does having a relationship with the Lord give me? A cool imaginary friend? An eternity in "heaven"? Savior from some imaginary demon waiting in the wings to steal my soul and torture me for eternity?

Please. I, and many people I have come to know, have already suffered worse than that. Scare tactics aren't the answer. You can't scare me, I've seen hell. I've lived there. I will always live there as much or as little as the strength I can muster to pull myself out on any given day.

A coworker of mine asked another a question the other night. She asked my coworker who is trying to find her way in her beliefs if she beleives Jesus walked the Earth. A good question. My answer would be that yes, I do beleive a man walked the Earth that was genuinely nice to the people he met. Who helped people who needed help and put himself second. Many people have lived like that, no one wrote a book about them. Jesus was a man, he didn't have magic powers he didn't heal anyone. People had ailments and diseases then and miraculous recoveries, sure. But most of that can now be explained with what we know about the human body that we didn't then. I beleive Jesus was the son born of an unwed teenager who for whatever reason didn't disclose who his father was and as teenagers do created a fantastic story, which somehow people bought. This child, Jesus was exceptional in that he was a nice person who brought out the best (and sometimes the worst in the less secure) in people.

I'll stop there because no one is interested in my interpretation of the bible. I'm a critical thinker, I don't often buy nonesense. I beleive that magic is something created when we don't want to accept the truth.

Or maybe it's created when times are so tough we just need something else to beleive in. We need to beleive that there is someone looking out for us when we feel alone. We need, in our difficult times, to believe that after this hard life is over we will be rewarded with a life in a beautiful place, heaven if you will. Maybe that helps us get through the day. And there isn't a damn thing wrong with that.

There are days when it's been easier for me to beleive in some magical being in the sky waiting for me with streets of Gold and as much chocolate as a girl could want for all eternity. But it's all just fantasy.

I don't consider myself a Christian and I don't know how that's going to go tomorrow, next week, next year. I do know that I am made strong by my experiences and only I can take the credit for that, not some imaginary man in the clouds. Me. I am strong and wise and create my own magic. I see the beauty on Earth and give no thought to what happens later because only now matters and I don't want to spend my life living according to someone's interpretation of how my life should be lead in order to get to that magical promised land. Paradise is a matter of interpretation and when I looke into the eyes of my children, I'm already there.

Donkeys!

So I read something yesterday that really showed me that some otherwise intelligent people really do not have a clue on issues they claim to know so much about.

It talked about how people are lazy when it comes to healthcare and cited a statistic that 40% of employees do not take health insurance offered by their employeers. If they don't want to shell out the bucks then what should the rest of us care if they can't afford their medical care.

What? Really?!

Ok so I don't know where this guy comes from, but here in the real world it goes something like this.

I work 20 hours per week. Because of my wage I make about as much in those 20 hours as many people working 40 hours. My employer offers insurance at the rate of about $700/month for a family. Which seems fairly reasonable in comparison to others I've heard about around here.

Tell me, with just the basics. Rent/mortgage, utilities, gas, food. How it's feasable for people wo pay over half their monthly income in insurance premiums, not to mention deductibles and copays?

So people rely on medicaid, which is lazy too right? Well do you think you can just walk into the Medicaid office and they will give you free health insurance if you can afford what is offered by your employer? No. They break down your necessary bills and what the insurance costs and if you can't afford it, per their standards, they offer you insurance. If you can, they turn you away or, in some states, offer an insurance package with it's own premium, which is paid to the state every month.

Let's pull our collective heads out of our butts and in the words of the great Gordon Ramsay "Stop being fucking donkeys".

Struggling

It seems just when I get in a good place it seems to unravel just a little bit. I would like to introduce you to the family of a special little boy, a heart baby like Alex who left this world far too soon. Little Jack Corbo was the victim of a broken healthcare system, a broken hospital (the same facility Alex was in), and the faith that families of critically and chronically ill children have no choice but to put in healthcare professionals who may be burned out, overworked, underpaid, or have their own motives.

So many questions this raises in our own story. So many questions I'm not sure I want to know the answers to.

Meet Jack, his twin brother, and his parents.
www.caringbridge.org/mn/corboboys