The facade of happiness

I'm often baffled by the "better-than's" of the world. You know them, the people who have to have what you have, only a better. The people who simply cannot be happy with what they have and who they are that they constantly have to prove that they are superior to somebody else.

We've all dealt with them, maybe some of you are, without realizing it, those type of people. I don't know. But it really irks me I tell you. Irks me bad.

Unfortunately it isn't always involving material posessions. Usually the better-than's are so miserable that they will tell outrageous stories and skew the truth to make you think they are happier than you. It's downright amazing sometimes how some people appear to have absolutely no bad times in their lives, or if they do it was always someone else's fault anyway. They have a hugely overactive sense of entitlement and seem to get caught right up the little fantasy world they worked so hard to create.

Unless the better-than's are very careful, occasionally the truth will shine through and you just kind of sit back scratching your head, or maybe you muster a little internal chuckle, if you are like me. Such as when a better-than's teenager takes up smoking or when that teenager makes sexual references in front of adults. And when they realize that this doesn't quite match with the perfect little family they have created to the outside world, they rationalize it by falling down to a teenagers level and imitating the behavior themself. As if to say "see? I think it's ok that he says that.... so much so that I say it too". When you are pretty sure it's not something that any adult with any ounce of maturity would say, let alone to a child. I don't know, maybe I expect too much out of my children by teaching them respect.....

Ok so I'm straying a little. I can't help it, Craig and the boys are watching a movie and it's distracting.


It's too bad money can't buy contentment, isn't it? Money can't buy a lot of things. It can't buy love, it can't buy a family, and it can't buy happiness. Becoming comfortable with who you are and not allowing what you don't have prevent you from being happy with what you do is the key. It's something that in this world of instant gratification, money, greed, and materialism we have to think about daily, always reassessing and always taking inventory of what makes us happy. No keeping up with the Jones', not trying to be perfect, not trying to impress anybody... just being us and at the end of the day being wholeheartedly comfortable with that. There's a big difference in striving to be a better you and in creating the persona of a better you.... the latter is never satisfying.

People will often say that contentment is another term for complacent. That being happy with your current life is failing to try to improve it. And I can't help but wonder why they think that's a bad thing? Why does it always have to be better? Why do we always want more? We all have struggles in life and I guess for me it's about looking at those struggles and deciding what you would trade for them. No one has it 100% perfect all the time. Sometimes we live paycheck to paycheck and it can cause worry, but would I trade my 6 healthy children, my home, my husband, or anything else I have for the money I may not? Would I trade my fertility or time with my husband and children for the ability to buy $100 wicker baskets or foo foo trinkets for my dining table? No way! Sounds kind of silly to me. But Whatever.

What has become of the blog

I think I mentioned that I seriousely puffy heart blogs. I frequently search out new blogs to add to my list of reads. Blogs give you a glimpse into someone's life, people share things on blogs they may never discuss with a group of people face to face.

But let me tell you what I hate. I hate clicking on a blog link and being confronted with so many ads, gadgets, and other junk that without a little searching and crossing and uncrossing your eyes a few times you can't even find the BLOG in the blog!

Now I find no fault with those who do their best to bring in a little revenue from their blog or who desire huge numbers of readers per day. But seriousely? Bring the blog back people!

It also seems that when otherwise wonderful bloggers get caught up in the ads and gadgets and junk something is lost in their writing. Suddenly they are very censored and politically correct and boring.

It's sad I tell you. Sad

Or maybe you think I'm completely off base and love a blog with lots of ads to click and product reviews and what-not.... I don't know. Tell me about your blog preferences, I'd love to hear em!

The baby borrowers

The baby borrowers. Did anyone watch this show? I did. Aside from the fact that I have no idea what kind of parents would allow their infants to be with strangers, and then to watch them being mistreated and neglected on CCTV and STILL leave them there, it was, at it's core an interesting social experiment.

At first I thought it would be a total waste of airtime. Anyone who ever was a teen parent knows that these types of things don't work. You always think that it will be different when it's YOUR baby (much as Alecia on the show displayed by saying that she could deal with the kid if not for the mother). You always think it will be different. That's how teenagers are. You cannot know something until you've experienced it, and borrowing a baby for a couple of days isn't going to do it, sadly.

Something I think might have sent a pretty strong message though was something that was not planned by the producers of the show. All of the couples subsequently split up. Their relationships couldn't take the strain that was put on them by living together, working, and caring for children. Teenage moms always think thier child's father will stay devoted to them and that is almost never true. If nothing else, this show proved that. I do think that the benefit of this unexpected lesson may have been undone by showing the outbursts of the teenagers during the experiment. All of the teenagers, at some point, acted their age (or younger) by having tantrums and being stubborn and selfish. I fear that teenagers watching the show might have said "yeah, well I'm a LOT more mature than they are" and the whole thing became a moot point.

Again, they just can't know what it's like and this show wasn't very good at conveying the trials of teen parents, or any parents for that matter. Most teen parents don't live in nice townhomes on suburban cul-de-sac's with dishwashers and stainless steel appliances. They also aren't given a manual with their child dictating the childs needs and expectations. They don't have jobs supplied for them and they don't drive brand new mini vans. They don't have the luxury of affording one parent to stay at home.

They live in run down apartments unsure if the fridge will work next week, or if they are safe walking around the block, they drive beat up cars that don't always run reliably. They have to deal with daycare so both can work just to pay the rent and put food on the table. They struggle to get jobs because they dropped out of school and got no diploma, or maybe they stayed in school and have to try to find time to work at all in between childcare and studies. Just as the case with Dayton and Morgan, sometimes daddies go away and a one parent household is the reality and then everything is that much more difficult. And they don't have nannies to jump in when they make a mistake...... mistakes really do mean life or death.

So I am torn on my opinion of this show. Maybe it helped somebody make a different choice in life for them and for the child that may have been conceived next week. Maybe it gave teens a false sense of security because the teens on the show didn't have to deal with the real reality of parenthood. Who knows.

He's leavin on a Jet plane

And at this point many people in the loyal state of Wisconsin say good riddance to bad rubbish!

Old #4, who could have been a Cheeseville icon for eternity has shown his true colors in the past weeks and now Brett Favre will be playin for the New York Jets. SEE YA!! Apparently he wants to be just like Reggie White.... or as most people around here say "Reggie who?"

Out with the old, in with the new! We welcome Aaron Rodgers who has shown FAR more maturity through this whole Favre circus (thank's for the term T) than #4 himself.

Just a LITTLE crunchy

As you know, I consider myself a little crunchy. Not entirely crunchy, just a little. I'm usually the first one of the people I know and speak with regularly to know about some new environmental issue or to stray from the mainstream when I feel the information is accurate.

HOWEVER. I will never be totally crunchy. Because I have a really hard time beleiving that I will live to be 100 if I simply stop eating bacon, lunchmeat or hotdogs. I have a hard time beleiving that by trading my gas guzzling suburban in for a moped I will prevent polar ice caps from melting and save the world. I don't always use sunscreen on my children when they are outside, because the sun gives us a wonderful thing called vitamin D, which we need to survive.

Now don't get me wrong. I care about this planet I live on. I care that we, as a society waste and waste and waste. That we pollute the air our children breathe with chemicals spewing from smokestacks on top of factories that make products we can most certainly live without. I care that we throw plastic in our landfills without a second thought. I do care. I use re-usable shopping bags most of the time, I use cloth diapers and energy efficient appliances. I don't buy paper towels or styrofoam plates. I buy eco friendly detergents (cept my tide, which you will pry from my cold dead hands). I do my best to limit the exposure my children receive from environmental toxins like fluoride, mercury, etc. It pains me greatly the few times I feel I must put bug repellant on my children, in fact I swore I got hives once from the thought of it. Growth hormone in my milk keeps me up nights and you know I really just wish i could find unbleached toilet paper at the grocery store. I'm not some horrible bitch that steps on baby frogs or blows cigarette smoke in toddlers' faces.

But here's how I see it. When mother Earth gets sick of what we do, she will knock our asses off into oblivion just as she did the damn dinosaurs. Stop bitching about global warming and trying to fix it, you can't fix it. How completely self centered of us to think we control such things. Evolve, adapt or get the eff off I say....,

I'm not going to stop eating meat because someone's old aunt Myrtle got colon cancer which MUST be from nitrates use to package hot dogs. I'm not going to start eating raw meat because some yahoo decided that cooking it releases toxins that will cause my children's grandchildren to grow a horn from their forehead. I am going to pay attention and learn what I can and when I feel that a risk is a true risk, I will act on it, but to just jump on every trendy new bandwagon because Tom Cruise's aliens sent some loser in a cave a message is stupid. Something people fail to realize is that most "scientific" studies are completely rediculous and biased to the side of whatever major company happens to be funding said study.

Use your brains people. But by all means if you want to live in a cave and eat rocks and sticks and wipe your ass with tree bark, have at it. But leave me and my Tide alone. Now pass me a hot dog off the grill.

Another week down

So, Nate has now spent three nights in his own bed, in his own room. And the last 2 of those nights he has slept completely through the night for the first time EVER! Woohoo! This is just what we all needed. I'm finally getting some good sleep too.

As much as I loved co-sleeping there comes a time when it's time for them to gain a little independance, and for mom and dad to gain a little privacy....... er.... sleep.

Monday is Shay and Nate's appts, but it's also Shay's 8th birthday! I cannot beleive she's going to be 8 already. She's really excited because 8 is the magic age the state of Wisconsin says she no longer needs to be in a booster seat in the car. She's looking forward to sitting in the regular seatbelt. I'm probably the only person in this little town that abides by this law, as I see many kids every day much younger than Shay not in booster seats, so she's ready to join her friends as a graduate of Graco.

Speaking of birthdays, the idea of school starting is really seeming to stress Jacksen out. We've seen a drastic increase in his sensory issues the past couple of weeks which has lately lead to baths sometimes 3 times a day to wash off imaginary bugs crawling on him. Poor guy. I'm trying to keep my patience with it all and see it for what it is, but it's trying sometimes. No one can prepare you for a child with these issues and once you think you get it, it changes and you are back to square one. I'm not sure what his issue with school is, he did SO well last year. But just last night he told me he doesn't want to go to schol... *sigh*. He has one of the best teachers this year, I hope he gives it a chance.

Austin is at his dads for 2 weeks. He wasn't thrilled about it but decided that the mature thing to do would be to honor his obligations. I hope things go well for him. Even though he's 14 two week visits still really are hard for him. Maybe things will improve there and it won't be so difficult next summer. I certainly hope so, for all involved.

What else.... Did you ever notice how the people who claim not to be dramatic are usually the most dramatic? Just an observation. Same is true for the people who act like they don't care what people think, they seem to be the ones who thrive on outward appearance and what other people expect, and end up so materialistic and fake you can't figure out who they really are. What a crazy world we live in. This isn't coming from anywhere in particular, just thought I'd share my perception of the world for the day.

Anyway. We decided today to try to get our chevy venture on the road again. Yeah right. We are 97% certain at this point that the head is cracked due to it's inability to regulate temperature, surprisingly empty radiator, and draining out 8 quarts (EIGHT!!!) of oil that looked like mud. Joy. Honestly I think I'd just as soon part it out than anything. Not like it's big enough for my family anymore anyway.

Observations

I'm a tad judgemental. News flash right? Well, I don't like to think of it as being judgemental, rather very observant. Ok, judgemental. And while I do beleive God judges us in the end and all that jazz, I also beleive that being judged here on earth, to some degree anyway, keeps us, as a whole, walking somewhat of a straight line. I mean just imagine if there were absolutely no judgement here on earth? No rules, no regulations, no one telling you what's right or wrong. Basically defunct idiots running the streets doing very bad things to one another. Because let's face it, babies really aren't born with empathy, sympathy, or a sense of right and wrong, they have to learn it.

So, having said that There are some things I have a problem with. A lot of things actually, depending on when you ask me. I'm kind of flippy like that.

Right now i'm being bugged by nannies. Most of you already know how much I detest daycare, so it really ought to be no surprise I'd have a problem with nannies. It seems to me the people who have nannies tend to look at their children like every other aspect of their lives, nothing more than a trophy to be displayed when the time is right, and shoved back into the closet when it's over. Now, it would be against the law to shove children in the closet (for any extended period of time anyway) so instead we hire nannies. People to come and live in our home and tend to our brood, keep them prim and proper and entertained until the next social gathering in which our beloved trophies must again be showboated for all to see.

People I cannot imagine going through 18 hours of labor, an episiotomy the size of the grand canyon, and engorgement to have someone else do the job of raising them. It's my job, i've got the stretch marks to prove it.

Now I know those of you with nannies are right now saying "but my nanny doesn't RAISE my child, I do!" Really? Then why do you need a nanny at all, I ask? Because it doesn't make sense to me. So you can get housework done? Why not hire a maid instead, they are cheaper. Why would anyone want to give up such an important and rewarding job for mundane ones? I don't get it.

Another large family I despise

Warning- Parts of this post may offend those who may be neurotic, dramatic, selfish, or impatient. The rest of you, please keep reading.


Ok, so I don't despise the Duggar's, just read this post... I do have a few nice things to say.

But I do absolutely despise another large family in the public eye. Many of my large family friends seem to adore the cast of Jon and Kate plus 8 which airs almost constantly on TLC. I must be cut of a different cloth because honestly, to hear Kate's voice shrilling out of my tv speakers if I happen to have been watching something entertaining on TLC (which is a rarity, as the entire channel is full of crap generally) and forgot to turn the channel in time makes me want to stick hot pokers in my eardrums.

Now I have watched a few episodes. When it first aired those adorable kids made me want to like them, and again when other large familie moms would talk about the show, I really wanted to like them. I tried.

But I can't.

And it turns out I'm not the only one either. Check out this blog which is apparently written by the sister of a sister in law of the Gosselin's. And then there's this blog which is slightly annoying in it's detailed recaps of epidsodes, but redeems itself with the hilarious and accurate comments.

As I said, I wanted to like the show. I wanted to like this mother who was a bit of a kindred spirit. I myself can be slightly OCD, after all.

What I noticed the first time I watched the show is that Kate didn't seem to enjoy her children whatsoever. She was constantly annoyed by everything they did. Her behavior struck me as that of the toddlers she was chasing around, temper tantruming every time the need arose.

The children are quite ill behaved. But that's not surprising. No one reprimands their mother for her tantrums and they learn from her. Being dramatic is how Kate gets through the day, drawing the attention to herself when she feels too much is being paid to the kids. The kids have then learned to get attention in the same way.

It also surprised me how little patience Kate has for ANYTHING. Every other large family momma I have ever met oozes patience. I figure that's probably a combination of a couple of factors, Kate seems to have been the type who surrounded herself with people who are at her beck and call, princess syndrome as I call it. So she has a very big need for instant gratification. The second factor probably is that since her children were born pretty much at the same time she never LEARNED to be patient with a child.

And then there's Jon. Poor Jon. Everyone feels sorry for Jon. I tell you what, Jon needs to grow some kahunas. No man with an ounce of self respect would allow his wife to talk to him that way, ESPECIALLY in front of his children. Those poor boys are destined to grow up being walked all over themselves unless he steps up and teaches them how to be men. Is it any wonder those children treat each other the way they do? Fight like they do? They have their mother teaching them that it's ok to be nasty to whomever doesn't do your bidding, and their father teaching them that it's ok to be treated badly. So the children lash out instead of dealing with problems like civilized people, and cry like babies when someone lashes out at them.

Then you've got the fact that these parents think it's ok to exploit these children for monetary gain. The parents speak at various churches and venues and tell what is coming to light as outright lies to garner sympathy and cash from people. They sell photos of their children, they pimp their children to any company willing to pay the right price. It's disgusting. There's a difference between going on tv to tell your story and making a living off children who aren't old enough to decide for themselves. Sure, this happens all the time with child actors, but child actors go HOME where there aren't cameras after a days work.

And here's the part I'll get flamed for. Now I'll keep my personal opinions on assisted reproduction as a whole to myself, but I think it's all a bit rediculous that people see these kids as nothing short of amazing. If these sextuplets were a natural act of God It would be a miracle, if this family were blessed with twins and sextuplets through an act of God that would be amazing, and you know..... I would be interested then! But they weren't, they were the product of manipulation. Kate was given the fertility medication clomid and was hyperstimulated. Her doctor hospitalized her and refused to complete the next step, IUI or Intrauterine Insemination because she had many ripe follicles. John and Kate had sex anyway and 5 weeks later she was diagnosed pregnant with 6 live embryos and 1 that hadn't formed. That's not amazing, that's irresponsible.

All in all I cannot bring myself to enjoy any part of this show. I hope those children somehow grow up well adjusted people. Maybe some sponsor will offer Jon some testicles so he can become a man and show his boys how to be men. Maybe someday Kate can let go of some of her mental issues and let her children enjoy life and maybe, just MAYBE enjoy it with them. Or maybe some day the fans of this show will come to their own senses and stop supporting the exploitation of these children, although I fear what would happen if Kate were to parent those children without the eye of the camera on her to keep her in check. *shudder*

Sadly, these are the families that represent other large families. That represent other families with high order multiples.

The price of a child

So many times I am asked "How can you AFFORD that many kids?" Or hear "Your husband must make DARN good money!". Many people are completely baffled and awestruck when they actually find out how much we live on. Folks, on average we raise 6 kids (soon to be 7) on $40,000 per year. That's right, $40,000 per year. Sure some years it might creep up to near $45,000, but that's the exception.

Now that you are as baffled as the average person, lets talk about that. Let's talk about how much money it costs to raise a child. This site by the Federal Government quotes me $7,580 per year for the first 2 years.

That's a lot of money. But does it have to cost that much? Can you take care of your infant on less without depriving them of anything? Let's find out how much it cost to get Nathan to his first birthday, shall we?

Diapers: We cloth diaper (disposable at night) His stash of cloth diapers cost me about $300 and we go through a 90 count package of diapers in about 3 months making for 4 of them his first year at $20 each (actually like $17. But lets throw in the extra few bucks for arguemants sake)........ $80. Since I use disposable wipes we'll include that here as well. I buy the box of parents choice wipes for $5 which lasts me about a month. So, $60 on wipes. So Diapers Grand total comes to $440. Using cloth adds some expense to our first year, but minimizes it in our second year.

Clothes: I have gotten nearly Nathan's entire wardrobe from freecycle, hand me downs, gifts, or the free garage sale. He wears nice clothes (brand names even) so don't get the impression these are dingy holey clothes. I have though picked up some cutesy things along the way when I've spotted a sale. Clothes: $25.00

Food: I breastfed exclusively until Nathan was approximately 8 months old when he started eating baby foods. He ate about 2 jars of food for lunch and dinner until about 11 months when he was solely on table food. So baby food in total ran us about $180. For breakfast he usually ate oatmeal. A large container of oatmeal cost me $2 at Aldi and lasted him about 3 weeks. So about $6 for the 3 months he ate baby foods. For the last month of his first year he ate table food, most of our family meals cost about $10 to make so his portion cost $0.80. Throwing in some snacks we'll say for that last month he ate about $3.00 in food per day or $90. So, In Nathan's first year he ate $276 worth of food.

Medical care: Nathan's doctor visits, immunizations, and medications are covered 100% with no co-pay, deductible, or premium so he had zero medical expenses in his first year. Wisconsin is a wonderful state that now offers this to EVERY CHILD IN THE STATE regardless of income (there may be some small co-pays for meds and services in higher income brackets averaging around $3.00) Medical expenses: $0

Transportation: Since we live an hour away from the doctor's office we often double up kids on appointment day (they get their own appt, but they are back to back) . Nathan had 8 well baby visits his first year. It cost us about $25 to get to these appointments so Nathan's half of each was $12.50, multiplied by the 8 visits is 100.00. Now, Nathan also had some visits for illness. His eye, colds, ear infections. So lets just go ahead and say he cost more like $150.00 in medical transportation. Remember we live an hour from the Pediatrician, most people will not pay this much.

What else...

Pictures: Who doesn't take a gazillion professional pictures that first year. Many of us cart these little dolls into the store in ($50 outfits no less) for these pictures every 3 months or so, to the tune of roughly $100 each time. I prefer my own pictures which cost me pennies to print into glorious 8x10 works of art for pennies. Anyone can learn to take beautiful pictures. Nathan's first year portraits... $15.00

Baby Gear: Carseat: $150.00. Stroller $100.00. Pack N Play $100.00. Bouncy chair $40.00. Swing $100.00. Sling $40.00. I already had a high chair and a his crib was a gift. Gear $530. Now I could have EASILY brought this price down by buying less expensive, and still great items. I was picky.

Miscellaneous: Let's throw the little things like pacifiers, toys, etc in here and call them about $75.00

Housing: Nathan's portion (1/8th) of our Mortgage and utilities is Approximately $1,000 for his first year. I debated adding this at all since we would have these bills with or without him but figured I would before someone emails me about it. This number is pretty tricky to accurately portray because it is dependant on how much house you have for how many people. If you have a big expensive house for a small family, each families portion is going to be much, much bigger. If one person in the family wastes electricity and water, the other members of the family will pay for that. Again, it comes back to choices.


So. I come up with a rough total of $2511 for Nathan's first year of life. Nowhere NEAR $7580 and if you compare the $2511 it cost to take care of him to our $40,000 income......... well, bringing a new baby into the family doesn't make much of a dent at all! In fact, for us it ended up costing less than $7.00 per day. SEVEN DOLLARS. And we didn't even live in a mud hut and dig for water with our bare calloused hands. My son spent his first year in brand name clothes, in great brand new baby gear eating Gerber baby food and lacking absolutely nothing.


And there are things I could have done to cut that expense even more. I purchased all my baby gear brand new and paid full price rather than shopping gently used resale shops or waiting for a sale, I used store bought baby food when I could have made my own. I use disposable diapers at night and have some pricey pocket diapers in my cloth diaper stash. I see a pediatrician an hour away instead of the one across town. Given the fact that I overdo some things and am frugal on others I think this estimate of $1511 is fairly accurate just making some simple choices to spend less. Breastfeeding and not putting my children in daycare save me extraordinary amounts of money. As do choosing to live in the state I do with the awesome medical care and cost of living.

All in all, Nathan consumed a very tiny portion of our modest income his first year, which from my eperience will likely be his most expensive year. Baby #8 will consume nearly nothing, since we have everything from Nathan still and if it's a girl, we will be using my neice's wardrobe. So if you are denying yourself another child based on the presumed expense of having one. Or if you think the income you live on is too small to reasonably allow for another child, think again. Think about what is important to you and make the choices needed to make that happen. These changes aren't huge, no one is asking you to live in a mud hut and dig for water with your bare, calloused hands.

From this you can also see that my 6 (soon to be 7!) kids are not the drain on the world's resources either. In fact, they use less than they are alloted by "average" standards!

Anyway

Ok enough about politics. Who likes politics anyway? Buncha elephants and Jackasses.

Final note on the subject (well, for now hehe) I don't expect you to vote or not vote for someone simply because I say so. What I ask of you is to consider what could happen to our country if 1/4 of the things I've said in the last 2 entries are correct. Then do the research yourself and decide if it's a risk you are willing to take. That's all. And to those of you who have said to me, in more words or less that you want people to make informed decisions, well we have something in common! The difference between us is that I want them to make informed decisions based on having ALL the information and you want them to make decisions based on the information you are willing to share with them. If this weren't true you wouldn't be so upset that I posted the information I did.

As you can tell there was no weekends are for pictures this week. I am working on some pics for other people and mine have been pushed to the back burner for now I'm afraid. Hopefully next weekend!

Why I'll be writing my name on the ballot

I have never been what I would say a FAN of Obama, but I didn't really hate the guy either until recently. In fact, at one time I considered voting for him. But then a strange creepy feeling crept up in my gut, and I've learned to trust that feeling.

Then Oprah jointed his efforts. That's when the creepy crawlies really took over. You see, I like Oprah. I think her show has some great information at times and her recent "Oprah's big give" effort was commendable. However, there is something that bugs me about Oprah. I might get flamed for saying this but it won't be the first time I've been flamed. I think Oprah is racist.

I totally beleive in equality for all US citizens. I beleive slavery was an abomination and carry shame that my ancestors may have been a part of it. HOWEVER, I don't agree with black people continuing to take that out on white people today. I never in my entire life had slaves working on my property and neither does anyone I know. And chances are, YOU have never been a slave. So we need to just stop it and practice the social equality that we ALL want for our children's future. We need to BE the example. So get over here and give my white irish ass a hug, will ya?

Ok, the only reason I even brought that up is to make my point. When Oprah teamed up with Obama I kinda made the ooooh crunchy face. Now I don't know if he shares her views or not, so I have to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he does not, but it's something I can't ignore. You are judged by the company you keep.

The more I learned about Obama, the clearer the reasoning for my gut feeling became.

He has almost no experience dealing with national issues and risks. That is scary to me. How competent and able are you when you don't know what you are doing?

Obama is pro-choice, even for partial-birth abortion. He cried “horrific” when the Supreme Court banned partial-birth abortion. Supports no care for babies born alive who were victims of botched abortions. This is DISGUSTING and inhumane. Recently he said that when his daughters are older, if they "made a mistake" he wouldn't want them to have to pay for it by having a baby.... WHAT?!

He voted “in favor of giving illegal aliens further rewards and other incentives to come such as in-state tuition, educational benefits, welfare, and health care services” per Immigration Stance.

He also tells a lot of lies:

My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian - she does her daily Salat prayers at 5am according to her own interviews.

Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter - his father was part of one of the most corrupt and violent governments Kenya has ever had

I Never Practiced Islam - you practiced it daily at school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that faith for 31 years, until deciding to run for office.

My School In Indonesia Was Christian - you were registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for making faces (as per YOUR OWN book).

Because I Lived In Indonesia, I Have More Foreign Experience - you were there from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn’t even speak the language. Please.

I Won’t Run On A National Ticket In ‘08 - yet here you are, despite saying, live on TV, that you would not have enough experience by then, and you are all about having experience first. Did you miraculousely find an experience tree?

The Ethics Bill Was Hard To Pass - it took just 14 days from start to finish.

Without Me, There Would Be No Ethics Bill - you didn’t write it,introduce it, change it, or create it.

I Wrote A Tough Nuclear Bill - your bill was rejected by your own party for its pandering and lack of all regulation - mainly because of your Nuclear Donor, Exelon, from which David Axelrod came.

My Economics Bill Will Help America - your 111 economic policies were just combined into a proposal which lost 99-0, and even YOU voted against your own bill.

I don’t Have Lobbysists - you have over 47 lobbyists, and counting.

I Am As Patriotic As Anyone - yet you won’t wear a flag pin and you don’t put your hand over your heart during the Anthem?

My Church (Trinity church) Is Like Any Other Christian Church - your church is so extreme, the pastor who married you, Rev. Wright, just got done blaming the US for 9/11 and named Louis Farrahkan their person of the year. The church is founded on racism and hate.
Any father who approves of his children being taught racial hate and division should not lead this country. He chose to take his small children to a church where their little minds were poisoned by Racial hate. Is that what he has planned for the minds of OUR children?

Now. Do politicians lie? Sure. All of em do. That doesn't make one worse than the rest. Something about this guy just rubs me the wrong way and when I think about him running this country I get the same feeling of fear and dread as I did when Georgie won the vote. And we all know how that turned out..........

And before you ask. No, I'm not necessarily a Hillary promoter. Honestly at this point I'm not sure who I'm going to vote for at all. And the more I research it the more I may decide I hate them all and write my own name on the ballot in November. Who knows.

Ok, all better

I just have those days sometimes where I sit on my pity pot for a while. Then, when that's no longer doing anything for me I eat a rediculous amount of chocolate and immerse myself into the atrocities of the world and the pity turns into pissed-off-edness and then that eventually settles into a bigger understanding of my world and my place in it.

Deep huh?

So anyway. What pulled me out of last night's slump was the recent school board referendum going on here. I know, It's silly that heated issues make me feel better....

So first the rererendum issue (what a stupid word, isn't it? I dunno it just rubs me funny) I will sadly admit that I don't understand all the big stupid words they use when they talk about this stuff, I think they make some of them up or something. But I do think I understand most of it on a basic level anyway so here goes.

Our school board very recently has been forced to make some hard choices. The school district is facing the same challenges school disctricts have faced since like, the beginning of time or something. Not enough money.

I personally feel like our school district has spent a lot of time getting themselves into the predicament (that's not right?) they are in right now, where the entire community is up in arms and houses are getting egged. Ok so I don't know of anyones house getting egged, but I thought I'd say it anyway.... (disclaimer: if anyone's house gets egged it was NOT me)

So. At the very basic level of this problem within our district, at least the way I see it, is a decline in enrollment. School officials adress this issue often citing declines in birth rates within the community and agressive marketing of nearby districts taking kids out of this district with open enrollment.

Granted there are lower birth rates. I mean the population of the United States as a whole is dwindling (hey, i'm doing my part people..... the rest of you need more kids) so although I don't know the numbers for this community in particular, I would have to concede that it is safe to agree that there are less children being born in this community nowadays.

But the issue that is often overlooked is that agressive marketing from other districts is not what is stealing our schools children away. A good school district speaks for itself and parents don't drive kids 20 miles to school because of agressive marketing, they drive their kids 30 miles to school because they want their children to go to good schools. If they had that in their own backyard, do you think they would choose to drive 30 miles everyday? I don't.

Our district is failing. Plain and simple. When my children began attending school here 9 years ago our elementary school was a SAGE school (look it up, i'm too tired to link) There were very small classrooms allowing children to get more individualized attention. A recent something I read from the principal of our elementary school stated that our largest classroom in the elementary is now 1:19. I think that is a bit low as one of my children's classroom has 24 students in it, one teacher...... my math aint that great but that isn't 1:19....... right? Anyway

So we pack these kids into classrooms like sardines and put this workload on the teachers. What happens? Well it's gotta be difficult teaching 24 (or 19) children by yourself, no? There aren't enough hours in the school day to be sure every child is understanding what they are taught. Which leads me to my next point.

No child left behind. There has long been an issue with this in our district because it doesn't give leniency for children in Special education. While I see the point in this, I mean a child with significant mental retardation just isn't going to learn algebra in a state or federally mandated timeframe. They aren't. Yet they deserve to be in school, they deserve to interact with other "non-impaired" peers. Well our school seems to have used this ideal about special education and No child left behind to make themselves look like the good guys.

Our district has an INSANE amount of children with IEP's in special education. Anytime a child may be learning a little differently, or at a slower curve than whoever arbitrarily decided they should be, they are tested and if they are found to be 25% behind they get a sticker slapped on their forehead and a tag in their file reading "learning disability". Honestly, in this small community if an outsider looked at the percentage of our student population with learning disabililties you would start testing the water, something is out of whack. What is going on in this community that so many of our children are learning disabled? It's alarming and I think we need Erin Brockovich in here to find out why our kids are all behind....

But wait. What isn't being looked at here? Is it really fair to say that these children have the problem? Who's problem is it? Could it be that these children really DON'T have anything wrong with their brains preventing them from learning in a regular classroom? Could it be that maybe the classrooms are failing THEM? Do I dare speak those words?

I think this is precisely the problem myself. When so many kids are failing I find it hard to beleive we have a community full of ignorant children. We need to look at the one common denominator (lol, a math term! woohoo!).... they all go to the same classrooms. But we wouldn't do that, we wouldn't question what is working. Putting all these children in special education is serving a great purpose for our school district. Not only is it giving them a "reason" for not meeting No child left behind standards, but each child in special education brings a nice chunk of federal money in every year all by themself. BONUS!

I think the proof is in the peanuts (what's that phrase?) our children in special education (and I know quite a few of them, since so many kids in this community are) are not thriving in these classrooms. They are remaining consistantly 2+ grade levels behind their peers. A lot of them dropping off further as the years go on. If it were working they would be moving ahead? no? Well no! We can't let them move ahead because then they would have to be removed and the district would lose the excuse and the money they provide!

Add to it some bad budgeting choices such as the gorgeous windows newly installed in the middle school a couple years ago, etc and you have quite a deficit of money being provided this school district. So what do you do?

Well, you could put a daycare into the school to use up the rooms that aren't being used because of declining enrollment (read as: packing kids into rooms like sardines), that would surely bring in some revenue. So we did that.

But there's STILL not enough money. What is a community to do? Raise taxes! That's it! But wait, that won't work because the property taxes in this community are already ginormous. And the taxpayers simply don't want to shell out more of their hard earned money to have the district throw it to the wind as they have in the past. So that won't work, can't raise taxes.

So, at the end of the day we have to cut programs and terminate staff. Ok, I get that. We need to do something. And there are definitely some school staff here that have forgotten why they are here, who have either lost their passion for teaching or who are so out of the loop with newer, more effective ways to teach that the they aren't do the kids much of a service. That would be GREAT. If we got ride of some of this dead weight we could improve our schools, bring our test scores up, and ultimately get more funding from the government! INGENIUS!

But no, lets not do that. That wouldn't work. These older teachers fit in with our "deal with everything internally" agenda. They don't speak up for the children, they don't cause us any trouble. So lets get rid of some of the staff members who care about our children instead...... because they are more likely to give us trouble.

So that's what we do. Our district likes the fact that it governs itself. That drugs, violence, etc are dealt with "internally" (brushed under the rug). We like having ultimate control over this community, and we certainly like to bitch and whine about other schools stealing our kids rather than admit to ourselves that the problem is with US, and not them.

It seems though that people in this community are finally saying we've had enough. School board members are resigning, school staff members are resigning, the people aren't happy. I will say that I understand that the school board is in a bit of a tough place. They have policies and laws and what-not to follow. But those board members have been in this a long time and have helped make most of the decisions that have led this district down this dangerous path....... and our children are paying the price.

Afterthought: To clarify, there are some older teachers in this district that DO care about the children and DO havve the passion, I didn't mean to insinuate that all the older teachers weren't doing a good job.

Passion and drama

So, things have been busy. I love busy. I am actually resigning my post as in home daycare provider as of tomorrow at 5pm. I am getting so busy with things on the Doula front and with the hospital that I need to free up some time, that and my dear husband is becoming increasingly burned out with the daycare kids thing.

I've been teaching prenatal classes and I absolutely love it. ADORE it. It's sooo much fun and very rewarding. I haven't said too much about my job (can you call something you love that much a job?) because I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. My job allows me the utmost freedom. On a "busy" month I will work about 9 days in total. a few classes, some meetings, some time at the hospital and a few client births thrown in the mix. It definitely allows me the best of both worlds. I have a grown up life with a career I love, but I get to be mom first and foremost. Craig asked me the other day if we won the lottery would I still work and the answer was a resounding-don't even have to think about it- YES.

Moving on. Yesterday my dear daughter had some issues at school with her feelings being deeply hurt by a school staff member. Upon returning home from putting my foot up a couple butts (figuratively of course) I was invited to a chat conference with my old P1 gals. Well, there are a couple girls that frequent that chat that have extremely low self esteem and insecurities and as insecure people they view strong, passionate people as a threat and I could say the sky was blue and they would disagree and argue about it. I'm use to that.

So, I'm talking about how angry I was that my daughter was treated badly and her feelings were hurt and true to form one of them comments that drama seems to follow me. I responded that drama doesn't follow me. And she then commented that she was glad her life was boring.....

I'll stop here to address that part. How sad a life it would be if my life were boring. I'm thrilled that my life is anything BUT boring. When someone says to me that their life is boring I immediately feel sorry for them and those around them. To me, a boring life means you have stopped being passionate about it and quite frankly, are failing to live it. This is especially sad when you have children because I walk around every day in absolute awe and excitement over the things they do, say, and learn. If your life is boring and you have kids, you aren't taking advantage of the excitement that they bring just being them. The children miss out on a lot when the very people in thier lives that they want to make happy, are unable to be excited about them. It makes me sad and I often wonder how any parent could say thier life is boring when children around!

I said as much, in fewer words of course and she responded by saying that what she meant was something along the lines of not getting heated over "every little thing"....

This made me even more sad! When you view something like the given situation, a child's feelings, spirit, and happiness as "every little thing" you really HAVE given up. I will never see these things as little and I will never stop being passionate about their right to be treated fairly, to be respected, and to have and express the same feelings and emotions adults do. The difference with kids sometimes is that while adults can let things roll off our backs, children often haven't yet mastered that ability...... especially in middle school.

This person, I worry about her more than one virtual stranger should. Every comment makes me more and more sad. I cannot imagine for a second feeling bored with my life, not hurting right along with my child when she's hurting. Using everything another person says as a personal attack on myself or arguing for the sake of arguing. I hope she finds passion and directs it toward something meaningful. Passion is a good thing. Call it drama, call it what you will. Passion means you are alive and you care and I certainly hope I never, EVER lose that.

Anyway, I was attempting to let the children finish the school year in public school but I think the time has come for my daughter to leave that caustic environment and come home, where she belongs.

As far as our homsechooling plans. We are fortunate that our school district offers a Virtual school homeschool option. It is homeschooling, but within the district and all materials are provided free of charge. The kids are still then able to participate in things like phys ed, art, music, extra curricular activities and whatever else through the district if they so choose. I think we are going to give it a try next school year. It doesn't fit entirely, and I have a few concerns but it also fills in some of the insecurities I was having about homeschooling. So, that for the moment is the plan.

Dumpster diving anyone?

So the other night I was watching an episode of Oprah I DVR'd as I often do late at night after the kids have gone to sleep and before Craig returns home from hell eerrrrr work.

The episode was Entitled How far would you go and showcased a group of people who call themselves FREEGANS. Being a little crunchy, I was surprised at having never heard this term or knowing that these people existed in modern society.

The basic premise of Freeganism is the old waste not, want not adage. It encomasses a lot of ideas, "green" living, frugality, etc.

On the show they interviewed people who left very good jobs with above average incomes in order to simplify their lives and not be a slave to commercialism. Lisa Ling, the reporter who covered the story mentioned many times about how the more we make the more we want to spend. The people were shown dumpster diving for food. I was really surprised at all the good food you could find in a dumpster that people just throw away!

I know that is true for my family. 11 years ago we were young, with 2 kids and a baby on the way. Our COMBINED income the first year we were together was $7,000 and some change. Craig, at the time was a struggling sous chef working 2 jobs and I, a waitress at an upscale resort during the summer months. Our rent was I think about $350 a month. We shared a horrid little car, a Dodge Omni with almost no brakes. Our house was a 3 bedroom dilapitated structure that leaked air so badly in the winter you could feel the breeze from anywhere in the house. Craig and I slept on a waterbed frame with futon mattresses stuffed into it. We were poor to say the least. We received food stamps and heating assistance from the county. We didn't have a telephone, computer, or cable tv, rather a pair of rabbit ears on our 13 inch tv that provided us with 3 scratchy channels if the weather was right.

When Christian was about 6 months old Craig got a new job. It was a 45 minute commute but paid significantly better than the restaurant next door where he had worked for about 6 years. With the pay raise we were able to purchase a 1989 Dodge Caravan. The heater didn't work at first(ended up being a head gasket) and the sliding door fell off occasionally (no, i'm not joking it FELL the FRICK OFF) but it served us well. While we didn't dumpster dive for dinner, we had no problems picking up a dresser someone threw away, fixing it up, and using it.

After a few months the commute got to be a bit harsh and we moved into a beautiful 4 bedroom house in the town we live in now. We furnished it with furniture our family and friends gave away. Grandma's dining table, Craig's brothers recliner and sofa. Craig's parents bought us a 27 inch tv. Our rent here was $550 per month. Soon after we were able to purchase our first "nice" vehicle. A 1998 Chevy Venture EXT with all the bells and whistles. It was our first time financing anything and we felt "normal". We were getting closer to keeping up with the Jones'.

Over the course of the next few years we forged "ahead". With every pay raise came new opportunity. We finally were able to buy our very own home the summer of 2003. We signed on the dotted line and moved our stuff 5 blocks down the road to OUR house. Now that our credit was cleared up the trouble really began. Cell phone plans, first just one phone, then two...... then four (the 2 oldest kids had to keep up with the pee-wee Jones' after all). Every video game console that came out, we had it. We financed our truck, then a new car. We financed a computer, then a camcorder. We furnished our home with everything new. New furniture, new dining table (with granite inlays even), new everything. My kids wore nothing but brand name clothes, expensive shoes. We didn't just buy things, we bought the BEST.

Then the restaurant sold. The pay raises stopped coming. We realized that certain times of the year there wasn't enough work to pay for everything we had financed. Our way of life had exceeded our means. Trouble was coming and it was coming fast.

We made some hard decisions. We gave up our cell phones turning instead to one prepaid phone for emergency purposes. We paid off our computer and camcorder early to finish that up. We are working hard on paying off our vehicles to be done with that. Our next family vehicle will be a gently used 10 passenger van, our next car likely an older model compact. As much as it feels nice to have nice things, it will feel even nicer to have what we can afford. Not affording the "luxuries" in life doesn't mean we need to make more money, it means that we need to learn to be able to enjoy what we have.

We still like to have quality things when we can afford them but we NEVER finance anything. If we can't pay cash for it then it's not ours to have.

Some might say that if all that stuff made us happy we should just work more and make more money so we CAN afford them. The truth is, the stuff didn't make us happy, it made us miserable. Always having something better than someone else has, always having something to proove to somebody. That didn't make me happy. Being with my family made me happy. I was no less happy in that crappy rundown 3 bedroom house than I am now, in my 5 bedroom house, the difference is I just have more junk now. When we didn't have anything we were content with every little thing we had and when we did have more money we always felt the need for more, more, more. I want to be happy again like I was when we were poor-er.

We were lucky. Lucky we didn't get in debt further than we did. We are lucky we weren't one of the unfortunate souls who have recently lost their homes.

So, back to Freeganism. While I won't anytime soon be going dumpster diving for groceries, I will be happy with what I have, what I can afford and consume less. I won't get sucked back into the lie that says we have to have more more more in order to be worth something in this world. These people are definitely onto something and it's about time we all took a step back and listened to them.

Sorry if this post is a bit all over the place, the drugs made me do it (cold medicine! don't go sending me hate mail!)

Some more vacation pics

Our gorgeous room!



3 tired kiddos


A tired mama!


Walking to the waterpark


Craig speeding hehe


Hot tub fun!


Nekkid mayan dude


One tired dude...... time to go home

Living on a prayer

Yes, I'm still planning that vacation photo post. I hate dealing with pictures online. Speaking of pictures, it appears that my new Kodak 5100 all in one printer (you know, the one featured on celebrity apprentice to save you money in ink?) yeah, well it apparently has a bad print head now. It worked just fine the first time I used it, printed 160 pictures perfectly. Now it just spits the paper out atme. After 40 minutes on hold with Kodak I got to talk to a very nice (English speaking even!) gentleman who determined after making me fuss with parts of a printer I've never seen, that the print head is bad. They are sending me a new one and 4 new ink cartridges. Here's hoping it breaks down every month!

Did anyone watch Dr Phil yesterday? I admit, I'm painfully addicted. Maybe it wasn't the one that aired yesterday, I forget since I DVR everything I don't always watch it the same day it airs *shrug*. Anyway...

The name of the show was "Living on a prayer" and featured a couple with 7 kids. The husband had once had a multi million dollar business which went under in 2002. Since that time he's been struggling to find his place as far as employement and has tried a few businesses that didn't take off. He and his wife beleive that God is directing them. The family currently lives without gas or running water (they heat with a fireplace and catch rainwater in a large pool) and are on the verge of losing their home.

Watching this show I was completely torn. On the one hand I can so totally relate to them. Living life by what you feel God is telling you to do. Are they neglecting their children because they don't have worldly luxuries? Definitely not. I mean people lived a very long time without gas heat and running water. Just because those things are available to us now does that mean that to not use them is neglectful? I'm not so sure. It's not like he was denying them warmth and water, just getting them in ways that aren't the "norm" for our society. Is that really that deplorable?

The children, from the short clips they showed seemed extremely happy and healthy. Heck, they were jumping on not one, but TWO trampolines in the back yard. Dr Phil was telling the couple that he's lived in that kind of environment and he knows for a fact those kids aren't happy...

The faith they have is definitely inspiring. They had a pastor on there and Dr Phil himself was telling the guy that he is interpreting the bible wrong and blah blah blah, well I think that the words of the bible mean different things for different people so that bugged me.

Then he asked THE question.......... "Why do you keep having kids?" I was about to hit stop and delete rather than listen to Dr Phil blame 7 kids on that families problems but thankfully the question got redirected and seemingly forgotten about. WHEW!

I don't know. If you felt God were very clearly directing you in a path that the rest of society might not choose would you follow him or turn away? I guess that is the question. Whether or not the couple was hearing what God was saying correctly, you have to commend their faith.

I hope things work out for them and they find what they are looking for. I really do.

Autism... the new ADHD? Plus my theories on SIDS

I want to start off by apologizing for not updating on Chris' tests sooner. I've been insanely busy as I'm sure most everyone is this time of year. His tests went well, we will get the results at our follow up on January 4th.

Autism. Let me preface with saying that I do not, for one second beleive that Autism isn't a very real thing. I truly beleive that my 5 year old could be the poster child for what I call "Autism intervention" in that I beleive that his problems being recognized extremely early and treatment begun before the age of 18 months saved him from "Autism". He is in a mainstream school, in a mainstream class and functions very well in that environment. We weren't always sure he would and 3 years ago we weren't sure he would ever do the things he does now. I hold a dear place in my heart for the people that helped us get where we are with him, his therapists..... I believe they saved my child and my family.

Having said that. The number of children being placed on the "Autism spectrum" is up over 200% in recent years. There are many theories for that, including the theory that there are now better ways to diagnose Autism. But I ask the question, how can you truly diagnose a condition when no one understands what it is, where it comes from, and a condition that has such a broad range of symptoms? You can't. Which is why I believe that we are on the cusp of a new "ADHD era".

What do I mean by that? People my age will likely remember many children in school going to the nurse every lunch hour for pill time. Kids who left for lunch rambunctions and returned calm and collected having received thier dose of Ritalin mid-day. Teachers began "diagnosing" kids who were having even the slightest bit of trouble concentrating or learning as having ADHD and sending parents to pediatricians for pills. Pediatricians began prescribing these powerful pills to almost anyone who walked in the door with a "teacher diagnosis" in hand. These kids, as Ritalin and ADHD became uncool and taboo lived, and to this day continue to live with the stigma of having "ADHD".

How many of these kids really had ADHD? How many of them had other disorders that were not looked into such as oppositional defiant disorder, learning disabilities, metabolic disorders, chemical imbalances, even abuse and neglect in the home or peer abuse situations going on? How many of them continued to live with whatever was plaguing them under the Ritalin fog?

The powers that be seemed to see the forest for the trees in the 90's. New ADHD cases suddenly dropped off as Pediatricians finally began refering these children to psychologists and teachers were no longer allowed to suggest ADHD drugs to parents. Suddenly, with the diagnoses of ADHD decreasing, diagnoses of other "disorders" climbed. The most startling increase? Autism.

There are many theories on what causes Autism. Some beleive it is the preservatives in vaccines, some beleive it is birth or prenatal oxygen deprivation or trauma, some beleive it is food sensitivity or allergy, some beleive it is a metabolic disorder, some beleive it is imbalances of certain chemicals and nutrients, and some beleive it is a glitch or damaged brain. The list goes on and on. Basically, no one really has much of a clue what causes Autism. A lot of parents with Autistic children blame vaccines. I've spoken with one mom who told me "he was FINE until he got his 1 year shots, then suddenly he turned into THIS!" I can see her point. When something happens to your child, say..... he shows you a cut on his finger, you are naturally going to ask him what he was just playing with that cut his finger. What you may not realize is that he cut his finger weeks ago and has just re-opened the sore....

My theory on Autism is that some children are sensitive to something, heck some children are sensitive to everything. My own son had such extreme dry skin (still does) that for the first 3 years of his life I had to MAKE any soap that touched his skin or clothes by hand, on the stove or he would break out in eczema patches that we couldn't get to go away. About a year later I really started to think about that. What was the difference between commercial soap and the soap I made? Heck if anything my soap could have been more harsh because I wasn't as good at regulating the lye to oil ratio as a factory would be with all it's computerized equipment.

Jacksen also had great aversions to food. He ate next to nothing, living mostly on fresh fruits and vegetables. It was about all he would put in his mouth. Then, someone said something to me that was the turning point. She said "Kat, you know when you are pregnant and you have cravings and aversions? Well, you know that's because your body is telling you what it needs and is telling you what it doesn't feel is right for it"....

From that day on, I realized that kids don't eat like we do. They haven't developed the horrid habits we are like clearing our plates or eating food just because it's offered. Kids eat on the "pregnant woman" diet. They, being naturally more in tune with thier bodies, want to eat what thier body is telling them to and balk at or refuse food that thier body is telling them not to eat.

So now I had 2 clues. It was my job to put the puzzle together. What was my child telling me was the problem? What was in commercial soaps and un "natural" foods that my child was telling me he couldn't tolerate? Preservatives.

But why are autistic children seemingly fine until toddlerhood? They are exposed to preservatives in some form pretty much since birth? Well, in my opinion it works on the same principal as the alchoholic who doesn't destroy his liver with his first drink, but rather over a period of months or years of chronic drinking. Children who are sensitive to preservatives don't damage thier brains the first time they are given a bath with Johnson's baby wash, but rather over months and years of exposure to preservatives. It makes sense to me since Autism is a seemingly progressive disease, it doesn't generally happen overnight but slowly, over a period of time. The changes are impossible to detect early on, but as time goes on they become more apparent as they increase in severity. It is our job to put the clues together. What is my child sensitive to or allergic to? We have to do our own scientific experiments and LISTEN to what our children, whether they can speak or not, are trying to tell us.

Just some food for thought. Moving on.

SIDS. It's a 4 letter word that strikes terror in the hearts of parents. We all likely know someone who has put thier perfect, seemingly healthy baby down for a nap or to bed for the night and woke up to find thier little lifeless body in the crib. SIDS is so terrifying because it strikes babies seemingly at random. Sneaking into the nursery and snatching them from thier dreams. Autopsies show nothing out of the ordinary and no cause can be determined. How can this be? How can that child have died and every body system be perfect upon examination?

But there is one organ that can play these sick little tricks. One organ that you really can't know if it was working properly after the fact. The heart. I believe that SIDS is actually a heart condition called Long QT syndrome. Long QT syndrome simply means that for some reason there is a delayed time frame between the Q and the T activities of the heart during the beat cycle. It does not cause any murmurs, it does not cause any blood pressure abnormalities, cyanosis, sweating, chest pains, or any of the symptoms of heart trouble. People with Long QT syndrome sometimes live into thier teenage years or even adulthood only to be found dead in thier beds without having ever been sick. Why? People with Long QT syndrome are at great risk for fibrillation for no apparent reason. The heart, deciding that at this moment to finally realize that the distance between the 2 waves is too long tries to compensate by beating fast and irradically. Soon, it can't keep up with itself and goes into what is called Fibrillation. Erratic, non productive beats. Finally, unable to right itself it simply gives up it's fight and stops.

I truly beleive that most children who die of SIDS could be saved with something so simple as an EKG at birth. An EKG takes less time than the hearing test all newborns in this country get and can detect Long QT and other irregularities in a couple minutes, start to finish. Children diagnosed with Long QT could then be fitted with internal defibrillators, devices that sense when the heart starts acting erradically and step in to give it a mild shock back to reality.

Doctors seem to be catching onto this possibility as recently, when I took Nathan for his echocardiogram I was asked in the history questionaire if there was a family history of SIDS or unexplained death. I asked why and they said that there was a heart problem that can cause this........ Long QT.

If you have a baby, ask your pediatrician to do a simple EKG. It can be done in the office in a few minutes. Even if you have to pay out of pocket, it's worth the knowledge.

Now that i've had time to think

In working just those couple weeks I have gained a new understanding of working mothers. Maybe not a new understanding really, but I have seen that what I keep saying really is the truth, at least in my eyes.

Y'all miss out SO much! It breaks my heart! I wish no mother had to work outside the home, I really do and I definitely cannot understand why one would choose to if other options are avaialable.

So, I get down on my knees and thank the good lord that he has offered me the choice, even if it means inconvenience sometimes, even if it means we don't eat at fancy restaurants, we don't drive fancy cars, and sometimes we get a little strapped for cash and have to rent a movie instead of visiting the theater. I thank God that he has given me the understanding to see clearly my needs vs my wants and the selflessness to put my wants aside for the greater good of my family.

I love being a stay at home mom. I love the laundry, the whining, the fights, cleaning up the puke (ok, maybe not so much there) and I'm grateful that I have this beautiful life that isn't always.

I'm grateful. Eternally grateful. Who knows, maybe I am less of a person because I'm NOT supermom and I couldn't do it all, I couldn't work and still feel as though I was giving 150% to my kids. I don't know how anyone can. But you know, if working 40 hours a week and missing the little moments is what makes a supermom..... I gladly bow out of the running for that title.

Almost back to normal

Nate's feeling quite a bit better and I've cut my hours down at work to be home with my baby. Shame on me for losing my perspective and putting money over what's important, being home with my kids. I have been praying for forgiveness.

Tonight is Hailey's holiday concert and Thursday is Shay's. I love those things!

Stay tuned for more interesting reading. I'm working on a post about self destructive people who are toxic to those around them. Good reads!

I was right

So, a lot of you have told me to walk a mile in your shoes before I judge. So I took you up on it...... well not entirely for YOUR benefit...

I took a temporary job, working opposite shift as Craig because I will never, if I have any choice in the matter put my children in daycare, it's just not something I agree with. But I took a temporary job to earn some extra money for Christmas and.......Y'all are missing out. Missing out big time. Thank god it's only temporary. The money isn't worth what is missed when I'm gone, not even slightly.
I fully intend to finish out the job (4 weeks in total) but I'll be glad when it's over.I do like the job. I enjoy it a lot actually. I get to use my brain, I get to socialize, and it's a great place to work full of awesome people. But the price is too high.

Y'all are missing some really special memories. I'm sorry for that.

This blog..

There is something that you all must understand about this blog. This blog may be public on the internet, but it is ultimately your choice whether or not to read it and beyond that it's your choice to take what I say and use it, take what I say and dump it in your little trash bin in your mind, or take what I say and get angry about it, misinterpret it, or use your insecurities about it to attack me. I leave those choices to you, as adults.

One thing you must understand is that as my blog, these opinions are my own. They are not directed at one person in particular, I have never said "(name) is a bad mother in my opinion because they do A, B, C" My statements are generalized and pertain to what I feel are problems in the greater "us". I ALWAYS include myself in that US as well as you will see me say, many times over that WE are failing our own.

Now, when you take what I write and comment, email, instant message or otherwise you take YOUR opinions on things and bring them to me on a personal level. When YOU make it personal in that way you then must expect that I will direct my response toward YOU. It's only fair. I adore comments. I have always been a big fan of debate and I love to learn. My opinions on things have been known many times over to evolve and occasionally come right out and change when new information is presented to me. However, when you DO make it personal by direct contact you MUST be willing to then be mature enough to accept my direct comments to YOU in return. You have the choice to take it to that next level or not.

This blog is an extension of my home. Ask yourself, if we were face to face and you came into my home and I had something written on a peice of paper, in open view on my kitchen table, would you comment on it? Maybe you would, and that would be your right since I left it in plain view for all to see. And maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing. But I would expect that you would use discretion, that you would allow me the opportunity to respond to what you say to me, and that we would have a conversation about it. Yet many of you cannot do the same here.

I've been accused of being a martyr, a hypocrit, a narcassist, etc. Those things don't bother me. I understand they are written out of anger and hurt at something that you feel was directed at you and some of us are more articulate than others and do not need to do nasty things, or even say nasty things in order to get our point across. All I ask is that when you take what I say and interpret it (usually incorrectly at least somewhat) and then bring your interpretation to me I WILL defend my position. It seems people often think that if they just email me, or comment about how the world is unfair to them then I will say "ok YOU are the exception".

I got an email yesterday from someone who I didn't even know read this blog. Someone who I will likely know and have frequent contact with for the rest of my life. The email was written in a mature, articulate way and my response was as such as well. We both made clear our position and realized that although we live differently, we THINK a lot alike. There are no hard feelings and nothing to dispute, argue, or work out to save our relationship. I only wish more of my readers could be so mature.

Please remember. What is written here isn't written for your benefit. It's for mine. This blog IS sometimes a place for me to share bits about my family and friends and home and life, but often its a place for me to let out some of the stuff crowding my brain, stuff that I worry about immensly so that I can sleep at night. Usually the words fly off my fingertips faster than I can think them.

I will never censor my feelings and thoughts meant for this blog to be politically correct or so some crybaby in the corner who isn't happy with their current life isn't reminded of that fact. If you are unhappy CHANGE IT. In almost EVERY nasty email or comment I get, I can find the same words "I WISH X were possible for me, but it's not so I Y" and in the next breath they tell me they are happy with their decisions. If you wish X were true and settle for Y then you aren't happy, no matter how hard to try to convince me (or yourself?) you are. If you aren't happy, CHANGE IT.

People usually also assume one of 2 things about me. That because we have 6 kids we are dirt poor and I send the kids out dumpster diving for beans while I sit and watch soaps or the opposite, that we somehow have more than they do and that's how we live on one income. Neither is true. I dont' know how many emails I've gotten that have said "Kat, you just TRY living on what we do or what we would on $XXXX" and I have to laugh because the number is generally around the same, if not more than we live on. It's really not about how much or how little you have, it's about choices. You almost always have a choice. If your rent/mortgage is $1200 a month, find a cheaper house. If that's not possible in your area..... MOVE! If your car payment is $900 a month sell it and buy something cheaper! If your grocery bill is $700 a month shop at Aldi, clip coupons (or print em online!), ask local butchers about deals, they generally sell meat that the animal owner didn't want for a LOT less than you'd pay at the grocery. GET CREATIVE. Sure, some of these things aren't easy, ideal, or even pleasant to think about or to undertake. But you have to prioritize, you have to ask yourself what is more important to YOU, and whatever that is make it happen. Stop living in this "pity me" mentality and take control of your life, even if it means making the hard decisions.

A couple people brought up to me yesterday the question "What about people who choose to work for their own sanity?" I happen to have known one of these people. When she was a stay at home mom she was constantly frazzled, stressed, and yelling. When she went back to work the time with her kids was more calm, collected, and productive. Did work fix that for her? Probably not. Being away from the kids for a little bit of time probably did. We all need breaks. However there is a fine line between taking a break and using a job as an excuse to get away from it all. If you are using your job to hide from your kids a job isn't what you need, some support and maybe even a psychiatrist might be in order.

There are also the people who really DO need to work. I will never, and would never discount them or what they do. Single parents definitely need to work. People who have no health insurance if not through their employer definitely need to work (lest they start using the ER as a clinic and racking up bills they can't pay). I'm sure there are more groups that I'd stick in this category but I need to move on or I'll lose my train of thought lol

There is also the issue of feminism and traditional values. I'm all for women being seen as equal to men and definitely beleive they should make as much as men for doing the same work. However I think in our fight for equal rights, superior rights, what-have-you we have taken something away from ourselves. We have taken away our right, when looking at each other, to do what we were biologically created to do which is to bear and nurture children. Of course, in the eyes of the laws etc we still have the "right" to do this, but as a group of women we do not. We do not allow each other to do this, as we have the added pressure now of being just as good as men in the workforce and earning the same, if not MORE money than them. If someone is staying home with their children, they are holding back the greater group... they are stuck in traditional ways and not doing their part.

I am a traditional beleiver. I beleive primarily that men are biologically engineered to hunt/gather, and women are to birth/nurture. It's how we are built on a cellular level. Can a man be a stay at home dad? SURE! Can he be a wonderful stay at home dad? DEFINITELY! FAthers have come a long way from the men in the 50's who didn't hold a baby til they were 2 lest the break them, who never changed a diaper.... ok most men, but anyway I think as we have drifted more into what was traditionally "man territory" they have, maybe by default drifted into what was traditionally ours as well. It's not all a bad thing ;) And if a father is willing to stay home and parent his children while his wife earns the money than I say WTG DAD! However this is still traditionally and biologically the mothers role and for ME and MINE it's what we incorporate into our home.

One thing I do beleive in that contradicts traditional living is that I beleive every woman should have some marketable skill. Do you have to work to get/maintain them? Nope! Take a couple online classes every year, volunteer at your kids' school, move up the ranks in the PTO, help organize things in your community. Your resume can be filled with a lot more than employers. I haven't worked much but I have been told by employers that my resume is exceptional, both because of the volunteer things I do and because I took a class on writing resumes online once hehe I really beleive this is important as we don't know what will happen tomorrow and we need to be prepared to financially support the children we bring into this world alone if the need arises.

Another thing people assume is that my husband is "forced to work long, hard, extra hours" to put food on our table because I don't work. Does my husband work long, hard, extra hours? Sure. Ask anyone what summer is like around here and they will tell you. But if we didn't have 6 kids he'd STILL HAVE TO DO IT because it's the career he chose. The tourists don't come to gawk at our 6 children, they wouldn't care if we had 2, they come to eat and drink. That's what they do and someone has to cook for them. My husband chose his career 17 years ago, before any of our children were even dreamt up. He worked long hard hours then too. That's what his job asks of him and it's not a career he's "stuck" in because we have 6 children, it's the career he chose based on what he likes to do.


Probably the biggest obstacle for people is want vs. need. My local freecycle is a prime example of people misunderstanding the 2 terms. Posts such as "Needed desperately! Swingset!" or "Needed: car that has less than 100k miles on it" These things aren't NEEDS, yet people consider them as such and are seemingly unable to survive another day without them. Sit down for a minute and take inventory of your TRUE needs in life. The list is very short.


Then there is that gray area of things we don't NEED to survive but that make us somewhat normal in todays society and allow us greater productivity. Things such as cars, internet, telephone.

Then of course you move on to wants. Anything that doesn't sustain your life is essentially a want. Your job in life is to figure out the balance between how many wants you wish to aquire in life and how much you plan to enjoy them and the people around you. We all do that. For me, enjoying the people around me trumps most things I think I want.

Nate needs to eat so CIAO!