Interview with the matriarch of a large family

As a woman with a large family I am often curious about other peoples' experience with thier own large families, I'm sure many of you are too, especially if you don't have the experience yourself. So I've recruited some people on some large family message boards to answer some questions and give us a little insight into thier lives! These will post every so often on this blog.

The first volunteer was Heather from the Large families message board on babycenter



Did you always know you wanted a large family? We always knew we wanted more than 1 or 2, but we never had a set number in our heads.

Do you use birth control or are you of "quiver-full" mindset? How did you come to that decision? We used/use birth control.

How many children do you have? 5

How many do you want? It looks like 5 may be it unless we come into money. We do want to be able to help with college and go on an occasional vacation and be able to send them to summer camp etc. 5 is our financial limit to be able to still do that for now.

What are the biggest challenges when raising a large family? LAUNDRY!!! Also, there are not so many vehicles to accomodate 5 carseats without spending a lot of money and getting a vehicle that is bad for the environment. I am hoping the proverbial "they" come up with an environmentally friendly large vehicle that is affordable at some point.

What are the biggest rewards? I could go on and on and on. A parent may burst with pride on a Friday night because their son hit a beautiful triple. I get to do that 5 times as often. When I sit and read a story, I have 3 little ones on my lap. You know how exciting it is when you see the lightbulb go on in your child's mind, the one who has been struggling with Algebra? I get to see that lightbulb shine 5 times as bright and 5 times more often. When my 5yo learned how to ride a 2 wheeler for the 1st time, she had 6 people cheering her on. Our home is full of love. Each one of my children have a full network of fans to help them out and cheer them on as well as 14 shoulders to cry on. Really, I could write pages, but you get the idea.

Mike and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have 5 children and for now, that is all we are comfortable with affording. We have a 4br/2bth home on an acre. We will add on or buy a bigger house in a few years, but we are very happy. My husband hunts and fishes. The bigger kids have begun to share this with him as they get older. We both play poker and tend to steer towards outdoor activities. I also love to cook. I used to work until my 4th was born. Me not working was the deciding factor to adding to our family. Trying to juggle more than 3 with ever changing schedules, and all the illness children have, made the work/daycare thing impossible. Life is actually much less chaotic now that I stay home even though we have 2 more children. Sometimes the noise level gets high and I have to remind everyone to take turns talking or NOBODY will be heard, and we do have 5-10 minute qucik pick ups daily. The kids have all learned that if everyone just pitches in for 10 minutes, we can get it all pretty well cleaned up (toys and clothes etc) so we can all enjoy what comes next.

How do we live on 1 income with a large family?

This seems to be a very popular question and is one of the first asked when people learn we have 6 kids and 1 income. I'd like to share with you some things that we do to make that happen.

~ Keep your debt minimal. Houses and cars are expensive, so we finance those but we did away with the credit cards years ago and never use any in store credit. If we can't afford it we don't need it. I once read that 1 credit card with a $5,000 limit will cost you over $30,000 if you make the minimum monthly payments! Also, split your monthly payment into two and pay half every two weeks, this will cut an entire payment or more off at the end!

~ Research larger purchases. We plan for larger purchases such as furniture and vacations 6-12 months in advance. We research the items we are interested in by reading reviews at places like www.epinions.com

~ Shop in bulk. Costco and Sam's club are a great resource if you have a place to store dry goods.

~ Call restaraunt food distributors. This is a little unknown to most people, but if you have a large family and shop big, you can get your own personal account with food distributors and have the food delivered TO YOUR DOOR for what restaraunts pay! Call your favorite restaraunt and ask them for the contact information to thier distributors.

~ Use only half the recommended amount of laundry detergent and put in a cup of baking soda. Your clothes will be cleaner than ever before. Also, use Vinegar in your downy ball or fabric softener slot, it removes soap residue and smell from your clothes for pennies per load!

~ Plan your trips. Make lists and plan your meals. This cuts down the number of grocery store pit stops during the week.

~ Have a big family? You can get group discounts at some amusement parks, movie theaters, and other entertainment. If you are short on people, plan your outings with another family.

~ Turn your heat/air down when you leave the house, seems like a no brainer but i'm amazed at the amount of people who don't do this.

~ Get creative! Hate hand-me-downs? Turn old clothes into something else! A pair of jeans with holey knees can easily be turned into a skirt with just a pair of scissors, a sewing machine, and some bargain lace!

~ Save money on air fresheners by putting yummy smelling dryer sheets in your heat vents just under the grate. You can freshen and make your house smell great for months on just one box!

Do you have any tips not listed here? Please share them in a comment!

Things to see in Wisconsin

Ok so there ARE cows. Lots of them.

On Sunday we went to my in laws for dinner with the family and I brought the trusty camera along to take some pictures of the scenery. I never realized how pretty this area is until I really looked at it. So here are some pictures on our way,

First, a stop to pick up half the troop at my moms. This is her farm.





And the new little calf that will taste very yummy at Christmas.......... shhh don't tell him





And a few pics of the landscape along our drive











The Veterans Memorial Cemetary near my brother in laws house






Chris and Katrina going for a ride on the Go Kart





Boys will be boys, they all had to try out the super duper army type gun

Fishy prozac

So My brother got married on Thursday to his ever so sweet fiance (well duh kat, i should hope he married his fiance..........) anyway...

My sister and I got to thier house first after the ceremony to start cooking for the dinner later on. My daughter walks up to me and says:

Mom- somethings wrong with Allen's fish

My sister and I look over and here the fish has it's head buried in the rocks at the bottom

I whispered to my sister

I think thier fish commited suicide.......

We decided to just ignore it until they got there. When they arrived we told them that thier fish had commited fishy suicide and maybe they should do something about it. My brother said that his wife had just killed thier other fish yesterday. He went to take the fish tank outside and came back in after a few seconds......... the fish was alive! Thank goodness my brother knows fishy cpr! It's a miracle!

The fish just stayed there on the bottom like that, barely moving so we decided that maybe the fish was depressed, do they make fishy prozac? He tried to feed it and it let the flakes fall on him but didn't eat them. Classic sign of depression, Poor fish.

I told them that it was my belief that the fish was not in fact depressed, but that it was dying and offered ways to help.

Should we flush it? no, my sister said that was much too slow of a death
Grab it by the tail and whack it on the counter? No, who wants to brutally murder a fish?
Put a little bleach in the tank? It was at that point they ceased all communication with me regarding the fish. I have lost my place in the "need to know fish circle"...... *sigh*

I wonder how mr fish is doing today........ did he go and meet his fishy maker? Was he mourning the loss of his friend? If anyone knows that status on the well being of the fish let me know!

Here is a cute couple of pics from the wedding day. The first is my husband carrying our 4 month old Nathan in the moby wrap.

And a little while later my neice Madilyn (left) and her friend imitating him!

BTW, congrats Allen and Rissa!!!!

The news story, breastfeeding in public

The tv crew came and the story aired last night. I think they did a great job with it, it was non-confrontational but told the story well. Here is the link, click the headline next to the little red video camera icon to see the story as it aired. I am happy with my decision to go public with this, I had my concerns but I think (hope) they were unfounded. I am happy that the hospital is using this as an opportunity to educate and although thier account of the even is a little off, that's insignificant.



Moving on. I have to say that the attention this blog has gotten is pretty impressive. People are talking about it and thinking about thier lives and decisions so the point of my writing is working. I'm not entirely sure why a reader felt the need to bring the loss of my son into it, but I realize that when you speak your mind and people are insecure they will do whatever they can to try to make you feel as badly as they feel about themselves. I'm not bothered. This blog is as much a learning experience for me as anything. I'm always eager to hear other points of view!

Thank to to all people who commented, I welcome them good and bad! The support the past few days has been impressive and greatly appreciated. I hope that the news story served us nursing momma's proud!

Dig a little deeper

Over to the right of my main page in the "about me" section I state that this blog will likely sometimes piss you off and that's what I'm after. Why would I be after such a thing when I so fiercely wish for us to support our fellow women? Seems like hipocracy doesn't it? Well, it isn't my friends.



I WANT this blog to fuel fire. I want people to read it and think about thier lives, thier decisions, and the future for thier families. There are too many parents in the world who are sabbatoged by friends and family telling them that they HAVE to both work to give thier children the finer things in life, that formula is "just as good" as breastmilk so when the going gets tough, give them a bottle. So these women go to work, they buy formula, and they feel like they are doing what is right for thier families even though deep down they feel forced. I want them to read this and think "you know what? Maybe it IS ok for us to cut down to basic cable, trade the Yukon in for a cheaper vehicle, cut down our eating out so that when our children walk in the door after school they are greeted by a parent. Maybe it IS ok to say "no, formula is not as good as breastmilk and my child will be fed breastmilk, end of story". Maybe, just maybe it's ok. Sometimes just hearing (or seeing) someone else say it's ok is all it takes to empower people.



Then you have the other side of the coin. The people who with every fiber of thier being disagree with me. They feel that 2 working parents provides things for thier children that they wish they had as children. They need the security 2 incomes brings. They WANT to formula feed thier children because they truley beleive that's what is best for thier families and come hell and high water no one is going to challenge these beliefs.



Oddly enough, the second set of women are much easier for me to get along with. I have a dear reader and friend who is one of these women (not necessarily disagreeing with everything I beleive in, but some things). She and I disagree but our friendship hasn't faltered over it ever. She and her husband both work full time, thankfully thier 2 sweet children are cared for by thier grandmother and not daycare, and they have a beautiful home that they love (or at least I think so!) Even though I disagree with her beliefs, I respect them and I respect her security in her decisions.



Does this blog critisize people? Of course it does. You can't have strong opinions about intense subjects and NOT light a fire under some butts. Especially when it comes to parenting. Of all the things you can disagree with passionately, parenting is one of the taboos. I myself take offense when I read an article talking about large families overpopulating the earth, or what-not but being secure in your beliefs and decisions is, at the end of it all, what it's all about.



I currently stand to lose a good friend over my opinions in this blog which saddens me but I won't apologize for my beliefs. Please, anyone disagrees with me I'd love to hear it, but rather than name calling why not educate me instead. Tell me your beliefs and lets teach each other a thing or two...... or just sit down and think for a minute why you take what I say as a personal attack. Do some soul searching on the subject and you might be surprised by what you find.



More later tonight!

Breastfeeding discrimination part 2

Ok so since I've made you wait for more of the still unfolding story I now have to dissapoint you with the fact that part 2 isn't all that interesting, although part 3 will be and hopefully there won't be a part 4 but I'm betting there will be.

So, where was I. Oh yeah, in the car feeding my sweet baby. So after my brilliant husband marches back into the hospital and starts taking names we go around to the main entrance of the building and walk up to the information desk where a friendly and slightly alarmed looking older grandma-type woman called someone for me. We sat in the waiting area and a very nice woman came and took us to a conference room and told us that some people would be in very shortly.

In walk a man and a woman, sorry I don't really have any pet names for them so we'll just call them V and A. V is a rather gangly looking man with a notepad in his hand, A a friendly looking RN whom I'm figuring is slightly more than just an RN by the look of her attire. They asked us what happened and Craig and I told them the whole thing. They were apologetic but neutral, didn't offer much conversation but were nice enough. After taking notes on what we were saying they told me that they felt the priority at the moment was to get me the scan that I had initially came for, so as not to delay my diagnosis and treatment. Fair enough but I didn't really want to go back down there........ understandably.

V was nice enough to arrange for me to be taken directly from the conference room to the CT scan room and Craig and the boys to the CT waiting area. The nurse who did my scan was very nice and it was over quickly. So thankfully I did end up receiving my test after all.

For the past 36 hours or so I've been contemplating what to do about all of this. On one hand I have no reason to suspect that V wasn't going to handle the situation and have a chat with O about it (my initial pet names have been changed so as not to create drama) . But is this one time occurance really the issue at stake? No, it's not. There are a million more "O's" out there doing this every day.

Today while eating out at Burger King (girls from P1, I know you are giggling.......) I found myself very uncomfortable when Nathan had to eat. A feeling I had honsetly NEVER felt before. I had never thought twice about feeding him anywhere, except when he was a newborn and we had weeks of latch issues and feedings were horrid. I looked at my sweet baby, just wanting to eat and the familiarity of being snuggled against mommy and was deeply saddened that our breastfeeding relationship, the cornerstone of the deep bond between my son and I, was now tainted with this stigma. I realized that if I did nothing at all, I was allowing them to take something away from me and my child. I was allowing all the O's and NK's in the world to take this away from other babies and thier mothers. I would never forgive myself for being part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

So after much emotional drainage, on Friday afternoon, a news crew is coming to my house to interview me. I don't hold the hospital as a whole liable and I know that you can't blame an entire organization for the views of one or two of it's members. But I also truly beleive that we have to start somewhere, we have to be an example, and we have to drill into people's heads that without education, these things will continue to happen. So if the hospital has to take some publicity for the wrong doing of thier employees, then that's what has to be done.

I understand completely that this will come at great cost. There ARE a lot of O's and NK's in the world after all and they are bound to disagree with my views, disagree with how I handled it. And I'm ok with that. I will also probably have to leave my pediatrician and midwifery group in an effort to not have to go to that hospital again......... I'm ok with that too. Because you know, if just ONE person at ONE business THINKS about this the next time they see a nursing mother and squirm, knows better than to ask her to go to the ladies room, or put a blanket over her child's head, or to leave the establishment, but instead OFFERS her a secluded area to nurse her baby in, it will have been worth it a million times over.

I have two quotes I think are relevant for tonight and I don't know who to give credit for either of them I'm sorry...

"It is rare for well behaved women to make history"
and
"It's not about my right to breastfeed, it's about my child's right to eat"

Stepping off my soapbox.... if only for a moment to clarify something. I don't want readers of this blog to misunderstand my views on Formula feeding simply based on how passion for breastfeeding. I do not for a moment feel that mothers who formula feed thier babies are bad mothers, uneducated, or selfish mothers. I beleive that as a society we fail moms and babies. I hear all too often in my line of work from mothers the words "I started out breastfeeding but my milk hadn't come in on day 3 and she was starving to death so I got a bottle" or "at about 2 weeks old my milk dried up, I noticed it because she wanted to eat all the time and was very fussy", or the multitude of other comments and it saddens me. If just ONE person took the time to tell the mother that these things can be a normal part of breastfeeding or here's why that's happening the breastfeeding relationship may have been saved, but as a society we tend to just nod our heads and say "oh, yeah you are probably right, give her a bottle so you know she's getting enough". We don't give support and encouragement, we maybe unwittingly fuel the "i couldn't nurse because....." monster. As I've said a million times, we as a society FAIL OUR OWN. Now are there mothers who honestly due to illness, medications, or other reasons CANNOT breastfeed thier babies? Definitely! I don't really understand why some mothers choose to formula feed aside from solid medical or past abuse reasons but do I blame them for it? Nope........... I blame the rest of us. We should all be ashamed of ourselves.

Breastfeeding discrimination at it's best

I've always loved that Alanis Morisette song (yes folks, I am old) anyway, onto the point

How Ironic is it that the day after I create this blog about my opinions....... the day after I email our representative about the status of a breastfeeding in public bill that is being voted on, I find myself the victim of breastfeeding discrimination to a degree that even I could have never imagined. You see, I usually get myself into trouble because I purposely put myself there, today........ trouble slapped me upside the head out of nowhere.

My previous post mentioned a CT scan I was scheduled for this morning. Got my not-so-happy ass up at 6am, we got all 6 kids up and fed and dressed and over to a friends by 7, and pulled into the hospital parking lot at 8:10. I was due to have radioisotope dye injected into me so I wanted to nurse Nathan before I went in since I couldn't for 24 hours following (not really true as per studies done on the subject, but better safe than sorry).

Since I needed to be there at 8:15 I grabbed him out of his carseat and fed him as I walked in, before leaving my car I made sure that my shirt was tucked down around his mouth and I tucked a receiving blanket under my arm so not even the skin on my side would show. I'm not the type to just go flashing my floppy ta-ta's for everyone to see after all.....

I walk in there and was surprised that I didn't even get the chance to sit down before being ushered into the registration room. I signed the consent to treat forms and the lady got a phone call and when she was finished she said I could stay in there for a few minutes and they would come get me.... how nice of her.......... right? Little did I know they were assembling a team of "hide the lady doing that god awful thing called feeding her baby" tyrants just outside the door.

The lady who initially had brought me to the room, let's just call her NK, came in and told me to follow her, they were taking me to a private room. Well jeez, this is some service! I'm still oblivious to the apparent seriousness the situation to the extent I ask her if I can take the baby with me for now and she tells me yes. ( stupid Kat, they don't offer private rooms to everyone, just ladies doing that god awful thing called feeding thier babies) We walk through the waiting area and I notice a man, whom I had not yet met, now leading the group that was NK, me with Nate, Jack, then Craig pushing the stroller. We barely exit the doorway when a lady appears from the left saying in a rather panicked tone "there's PEOPLE down the hall". People? in the hall? is this an extraordinary event?

The man, lets just for no other reason than to be sassy call him O*. Just for fun. Ok? Still with me? So O stops abruptly, NK* (is that even how you spell that? hmm, someone leave the correct spelling in my comments will ya?) ........... ok so NK* nearly runs into him, I nearly run into her.... Nathan, poor baby, almost became a little bitty sweet sandwich, Craig gets out the door with Jack and steps beside me, Jack between us.

Now, I'm still slightly stupified. I'm beginning to realize that this is not the way they treat everybody. Maybe they think I'm famous?

O* and NK* turn around, now facing me side by side. The door has closed behind me, it's a bit cramped in this big ole hallway.

So O* finally speaks. He says to me "we are taking you to a private room but there are people down the hall"...... silly me, I actually thought this fine gentleman, who glancing at his name tag I find out is the director of Radiology, is THIS concerned about MY comfort when nursing my child, bless him and his dear christian soul......

So me, being stupid, said "Oh, I don't mind!" to which I heard in reply........ "But other people DO"............ Ooooooh.................... you didn't.............. did you actually just say that?............ I have this 8 second mental monolog (ok, another one I can't spell).

He then asks me if I want a blanket. For a second I had that flash of fear, you know the fear you get when your having that "i just realized I'm naked at the prom" dream? And I look down certain my boob, colon, or something is hanging out............. whew, nothing is........... oooh they mean do I want to put a blanket over my childs head! Yeah, no.

I tell them that I dont' eat with a blanket over my head, and my son doesn't either. In a very hard to muster sickeningly sweet voice. I start to take a step forward and O* and NK* take thier own step TOWARD me, crowding all 5 of us in about 3 feet of space. The door is closed behind me, there's a wall to my left, Craig with the stroller is to my right, and O* and NK* are almost counting my nose hairs. I'm TRAPPED and slightly confused.

Then IT happens. I don't know why this happens, I really don't. I HATE when it happens.......... I started to cry. Shut up, I'm a girl we do that sometimes. So I try my best to fight back the tears and NK* , bless her heart...... for a second pretends her soul isn't overtaken by satan and puts her hand on my shoulder. To which O* did something that completely and totally made me realize that this wasn't going to end pretty. He actually reached out, removed her hand from my shoulder, held it down and stepped between she and I! Can you imagine? For a second I felt a small twinge of sympathy for the poor old bat, her own boss treating her that way! Then I realized that it was myself, and not her that was facing trial by fire at the moment and snapped out of it.

O* is now about 2 inches from Nathan's body. WAYYYYYYY invading my comfort bubble. I start to panic. I say that breastfeeding is natural. He agrees but says that people are bothered by it. I am now sobbing like someone stole my birthday (oh hey, can someone please do that? I dont' wanna turn 31) I ask him "can YOU see anything?" I mean after all, if someone is close enough to count your nose hairs, they ought to have front row seats to the tit show right? He tells me "no........ but other people"

Ok cracker-jack, what people? The people with the x-ray vision? have you spent so much time in the radiology department that your brain shriveled up along with your testicles? Do patients in this unit have superman powers? ................

Did I say any of these clever and witty things? Sadly, no. I just stood there, tears running down my face, absolutely dumbfounded. Here I am, stuck in the corner, nowhere to go, O* and NK* staring me down with thier x-ray vision, a baby on my boob whom I now cannot remove without O* seeing way more than I want him to, stuck. Finally I mustered up the voice to simply state that I was going somewhere else then and pushed past NK* and went to the care where I finished feeding Nathan while sobbing uncontrollably. Craig was right behind me with Jack and then went back in and started writing down names, bless him and his good thinking.

Nathan is up, part 2 of the story tomorrow
*- Nicknames have been changed from original posting to protect the innocent (me) from further problems.......... well, ok, one further problem

Radioactive dye anyone?

So tomorrow morning at 8:15am sharp (yeah right, I know hospitals the work on a different clock than the rest of us) I get to be injected with radioactive dye and stuck into a doughnut shaped machine that will put thousands of xrays into parts very close to some of the most favorite parts I own. Anyone wanna join me?

Didn't think so. Ok so I often browse CNN and MSNBC online and have a laugh at some of the headlines and stories. I think it would be fun if I made this a nightly thing on my blog....... my takes on the news.

Gas at record high again- Well there's something new. Supply and demand.
Oh how I wish I had stock in oil. Do you have any idea how much money it costs to fill a 42 gallon gas tank? No, didn't think so. That's ok........... I like walking anyway. I heard the dumbest thing on the news the other night. The station did an online poll asking people if gas prices would affect them going on vacation this summer......... 60% said no. Think about that for a minute will you........... out of 100 people that would go on vacation this summer, FOURTY of them aren't going! And even the 60 that ARE going, do you think they will be spending money at little mom and pop touristy shops? Patronizing our rowdy little hick taverns? Going out for dinners at our struggling restaraunts who also get hit with the gas gouge in the form of food delivery costs? I don't think so. So those 60 will be here, but they won't be buying anything....... something tells me the word DEPRESSION is going to have a whole new meaning soon.

Sound sleeper snoozes through gunshot wound to the head - Seriousely people. I would think getting shot in the head would be a preeeeeeetty darn good reason to GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED!

Viagra helps jet-lagged hamsters recover faster - Should I even contemplate what would have made some scientist think of Viagra when suffering jet lag? Yeah I think I'll just clear that one from my fragile mind.

Goo from patients blood may help speed healing- Yeah, it's called PLATELETS genius.......

Just a few of those for tonight. I'm actually rather tired. Did anyone watch Oprah today? the tapeworm? Does anyone wonder if they might have one of those swimming around in thier gut right now.......... can you almost FEEL it? Do you want to hit me yet?

Welcome to my world

Welcome to my world
I've had a few blogs. 1 on Diaryland and most currently my yahoo 360 blog. I've decided to move over here for the options and to change things up a little. I consider myself A little crunchy, what does that mean? Well it means that while I don't totally devote myself to tree hugging, I don't hesitate to hug a tree that tickles my fancy. I have very strong opinions about things and consider myself well educated about what I beleive in.

Breastfeeding- I consider myself a "lactivist". What the heck is a lactivist you ask? Well it's simple, I advocate a babies right to be breastfed. I am adamant about my belief that babies were made to be, have a right to be, and ought to be breastfed. I beleive that there are very few scenarios where a baby cannot be breastfed and that the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" theory comes into play, we as a society FAIL our babies by not supporting, educating, and advocating breastfeeding.

Baby wearing and absolutely no Crying it out- aka spoiling. At least that's what I'm told. I think our babies are placed from our wombs to our arms terrified. We need to earn thier trust. In order to do that we need to meet thier needs, even if those needs interfere with what we want or need. I honestly beleive this creates well adjusted human beings who are secure in thier knowledge that every need will be met or at least attempted by the people who are here to care for them.

I beleive in large families. I don't buy the "overpopulation" theory, quite the contrary in fact. I beleive the world is running out of good citizens in a hurry........ which is why I strive to make more! I don't beleive that pumping our bodies full of hormonal birth controls is good for us for a second, and suspect that the use of these drugs creates fertility issues for our children and our children's children.

I believe daycare is an abomination- When a family has 2 parents one of them should be at home raising the children. I don't care which it is, a father can do as good a job as a mother at this extremely important endeavor. I beleive that the choice to put your children in daycare for monetary reasons is selfish. I beleive that there are good reasons to work, to provide food, shelter, clothing, education, and medical care for your family, but I don't beleive that in order to do this 2 parents must work. I think the choice for 2 parents to work is a choice of luxury and convenience, you don't need a DVR, you dont' need a new sofa, you don't need a cell phone, you want them......... and your children want YOU!

I'll give you that much to chew on for the time being. If you regularly read this blog I hope you become enlightened, interested, and even angry at times. This blog will be a place for me to unleash my views on the world and you might not always like them, in fact I'm sure you may hate them sometimes but that's ok......... anger doesn't always breed more anger, sometimes it breeds action. Happy reading!