I hate Wisconsin

Just to let you know, I hate Wisconsin. I hate snow, I hate cold, I hate winter, I hate tornadoes. And I'm crabby today, in case there was any question.

I NEED to bake today. And wouldn't you know it my windshield wipers are frozen to the windshield. Like, let the defrost run for 30 minutes and still can't pull them off frozen. So I can't go to the grocery store to get the things needed which means I'll have to wait until Craig gets home which means I'll be up til 2 am wrapping caramels.

Hailey is at community service today. Teen court threw the damn book at her. Literally what it boiled down to is she was charged with harassment for calling S a whore. They asked completely ludicrous questions that didn't have any relevence to anything. They were scripted questions I'm told. Nice. I certainly hope S's punishment fit her crime. We were suppose to have a meeting with them on Friday which got rescheduled to Monday. As if I have nothing better to do than rearrange my schedule for all this stupid crap.

But Hailey, being the mature, responsible child I love has agreed to follow the sanctions she received and is serving part of her 20 hours of community service today. God love her.

My migraines continue although they seem to be back to "normal" in that I'm just getting the aura and not the headache. It's happening really frequently though which is concerning. I see the doctor the first week in January to figure out what the heck is going on with me.

Almost done with Christmas shopping. Almost.

Did you hear Michelle Duggar gave birth to her 18th child via only her THIRD c-section? Good lord that woman has a uterus of steel.

Nate's really learning to talk now and is showing big intrest in potty training! What? NONE of my kids show interest in potty training before at 3. No complaints from the mommy dept that's for sure. He sure is growing up.

Catch up

So, let me take you through last week, which was really interesting to say the least.

Monday we went shopping with my mom. While at Walmart I got one of my migraine Auras. (I often get them but thankfully for many years it's just been the aura and not a full on migraine). Monday night was Christian's christmas program and as always it was absolutely adorable.

Wednesday I went to work until about 12:30 and came home to get Hailey ready for the meeting with the restorative justice/teen court people. That went downright horribly. I think it all just kind of boiled to a head in that meeting and I lost it, the tears wouldn't stop flowing the entire 2 hours we were there. I'm sure they all thought I was absolutely positively insane. It's just been such a stressfull few weeks dealing with all of this, the frustration of it.

Mid meeting I get a phone call from work saying that OB is slammed and can I run the bereavement support group. Sure. No problem.

We finish the meeting at 6:15 with me telling Hailey that I think going through this process would benefit her in that she could have some closure and she and S could get some things on the table and live in this town without fear or hate or any of it. But in the end it's her choice. If she doesn't want to go through it I won't force her, she's been through enough. She chose to give it a try and we have teen court (where she will be "judged" for her offense by a jury of her peers) tomorrow night followed on Friday by a meeting with S and her foster mom.

We leave the meeting and head to the hospital to pick up the snacks for the group and then off to the church where the group is held. Craig met us there. Midway through the group I feel a horrible headache coming on and soon my telltale aura hits and I quickly deteriorated to it taking everything I had to fight throwing up. I ended up cutting it short and crawling into bed with my clothes on. I ended up calling into work Thursday.

Thursday I was tired but steadily improving. Stayed around the house and took it easy.

Friday at about noon while Craig was gone it hit again. The aura followed by the intense pressure in my head followed by the feeling I could vomit. Only this time it progressed into the world spinning and then starting to go black and when I stood up I would kind of tip over and stumble like a drunk person and bounce off the walls. It was time to go and get help.

Craig drove me to the ER where they started an IV and pumped fluids into me. Couldn't get the iv in the first spot and had to try the other hand. They gave me a dose of Reglan which gave me a huge panic attack and a bit of a scary drop in blood pressure but did help the headache a bit and took away the nausea. I came home and slept and rested all weekend.

Now my hands are covered with abnormally large and nasty bruises from the IV sticks that remind me of symptoms that led to my lupus work-up a few years ago that was too iffy to call either way. I think I might need to go back to the doctor....

Craig and I

Since I spent the afternoon in the ER with an IV in my arm and am not up for a real post how about a survey instead.

Craig and I

♥ What are your middle names?​​​​Norman and Ellen

♥ How long have you been together?​​​​12 years next month

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?​​​​ a week I think

♥ Who asked who out?He asked me out. Even after I fell asleep during the movie because I wasn't feeling well.

♥ How old are each of you? he's 35 and I'm 32

♥ Who's siblings do/did you see the most?​ mine

♥ Do you have any children together?​ 5

♥ What about pets?​ a miniature dachshund named Taylor

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?​ Alex's death, obviousely

♥ Did you go to the same school?​ for a year, we didn't know each other

♥ Are you from the same hometown?​​​​ not even the same state

♥ Do you live in the same town now? of course

♥ Who is the smartest? Who knows. As he says I'm book smart but I lost the book on common sense lol

♥ Who is the most sensitive?​ definitely me

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?​ Lately it's this new mexican place here, but we rarely eat out anywhere

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?​​ Back to his hometown

♥ Who has the craziest exes?​ him, totally

♥ Who has the worst temper?​​​​ My fuse is definitely shorter. It takes a LOT to get him really mad

♥ Who does the cooking?​​​​ he does when he's home

♥ Who is more social?​​​​ me I think

♥ Who is the neat-freak?​ Neither of us is really a neat freak but he definitely is bothered by a mess more than I am

♥ Who is the most stubborn? Me for sure

♥ Who wakes up earlier?​​​​ He does, I'm a bit of a bear to be around in the morning

♥ Where was your first date?​ A movie

♥ Who has the bigger family? We have the same number of siblings but my extended family is much larger

♥ Do you get flowers often?No, I don't like flowers. I think cut flowers are a horrible thing to give someone. Why would it be endearing to give someone something that they have to watch die?

♥ How do you spend the holidays?​​​​With family

♥ Who is more jealous?​Probably me although neither of us are really jealous. We are very secure in our marriage

♥ How long did it take to get serious?​​​​ not long at all. A month maybe?

♥ Who sings better?​​​​ me

♥ Who does/did the laundry?​​​​ me again

♥ Who’s better with the computer?​​​​ Depends on what is going on. If it's finding information on the internet or doing anything with pictures I'm it, if it needs to be fixed it's definitely his thing

♥ Who drives when you are together?​​​​ Almost always him

♥ Who picks where you go to dinner?​​​​ usually me, he's quite indecisive

♥ Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?​​​​ him

♥ Who has more tattoos?​​​​Me

♥ Who eats more sweets?​​ Him, I'm not a big sweets eater at all. He loves his hershey bars and peanut butter

♥ Who cries more?​​​​Me

♥ Who has the older car? him

♥ Are you two still a couple?​​​​ Yep and hopefully for many many many years

So you know...

As much as I've always said that this blog is my venting place and what I express here are my opinions of the way I see things around me, a phone call got me thinking. While all that is true, this blog is mine and is my place, it is also a public blog that is not only read by people around the world (hi Aussie friends!) but also people within my own community. And as such I have a responsibility in preventing my words from feeding the rumor mill and potentially hurting the people with whom I share this little town.

I tend to get a little hot headed. Are you shocked? Well I do. And there are things that I don't always address when the time comes but that come boiling to the forefront when another situation strikes them up. And there are times I make assumptions without having all the facts. And sometimes I don't realize that what I write in my blog affects other people. I tend to see my blog as this small sheet of paper sitting on my desk where I write what I write to release it and it's over.

A couple posts ago I made reference to the child of someone involved in Hailey's school issue. It wasn't something that should have come out on this blog. It just shouldn't have. I have removed it from that post and apologized to that child's mother and addressed the concerns I had and left it in her moms court to deal with with her own child. Which is precisely what I should have done in the first place. I also took words from a situation involving that child and without getting both sides of the story formed my own assumptions. And I'm sorry for that as well.

I guess sometimes I get a bit of tunnel vision and see what I want to see. That's not fair.

Getting to know me

Firsts!

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? Actually I didn't go to prom. When my classmates were at prom I was at home caring for my 4 month old baby whose father decided he had "other obligations" and was doing whatever it is he did.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Sure, because I'm court ordered to.

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? Vodka. Which was also my 2nd, and 3rd, and 4th, and ....157th. I loved my vodka in high school.

4. What was your FIRST job? My first job was babysitting but my first REAL job was working as a cashier for $4.25/hour at Hardee's. And raising a child on that.

5. What was your FIRST car? A green and white 1977 Ford Thunderbird with a 427 Turbo engine. Fun fun fun til mommy took the T-bird away.

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today?I have no idea since my phone has been in the drawer at one of the places I work since Friday. At least I think.

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Nate, I always check on him first thing. I'm still paranoid.

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? I can't remember who my first grade teacher was. Do you realize just how many years ago that was?

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? I have never been on an airplane and it would be perfectly fine with me if I never did. At least not without a couple (or 20) xanax.

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them? Heather. Sadly we grew apart when I moved in 7th grade but we still email occasionally.

11. What was your FIRST sport played? t-ball. I was the girliest tomboy you ever met.

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? My cousin's. Does that count? If not then it was probably Heather's. She lived kitty corner from us from the time I was 5 until I was nearly 12. We spent many nights at each other's houses.

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Tanya

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? Umm, my mom's I beleive.

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Smacked the snooze

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? I've never been to a REAL concert. Although I've seen some pretty good bands at local shindigs around here. 8 years after they ceased to be famous

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing? My ears when I was like 5.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to? Canada. As odd as it seems to call Canada foreign

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law? Ummm. When Angie and I got busted making prank phone calls.

20. When was your FIRST detention? 8th grade. I had 246 hours racked up by my junior year in high school. Never did finish them. HA! Take THAT Mr Huftel.

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? Wisconsin.

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart? Ummm. I don't even know really. Probably John.

23. Who was your FIRST roommate? Tessa

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride? The weekend that John rented a limo for a couple of friends and him and I. Same weekend we found out my friend Kristin was pregnant in a gas station bathroom.

So much to say but where does it begin and where does it end?

There's just so much going on I find myself coming here to blog and giving up before I start because it's so exhausting to think about putting it all here at one time. So I guess I'll do it in separate posts, or maybe I'll get started and not be able to stop typing. I never know when I sit down in front of this page. Sometimes things will just start flowing at a pace even I can't keep up with and other times my mind is full but my fingers don't know what to say.

I guess I'll start with the latest on the Hailey/school situation which continues to be a huge stressor in our lives.

Remember how I had received that telephone call from the teen court facilitator? Remember how my idiot self for a minute thought that someone had finally come to their senses and decided that........ oh I don't know........ NO ONE deserves to be beaten up at school? Remember that?

Oh how I was mistaken. As it turns out HAILEY is being charged with a crime. Disorderly conduct and harassment to be precise. I received a letter from the teen court on Thursday informing me that if my daughter follows through with the program and is tried in front of a jury of her peers that this may not have to go on her "record".

I called the teen court facilitator immediately who called me back the next morning. I told her in no uncertain terms that Hailey and I were willing to cooperate but that would be up to and ending at the extent of allowing the victim to be further victimized. Hailey WILL NOT be tried in front of a jury of her peers, she WILL NOT be forced to relive what happened to her and we most definitely WILL NOT allow her to be bullied by a school official and a police officer who have something to prove. I pushed and they pushed back. My ONLY goal here is to protect my daughter, sadly apparently I also have to protect her from bullies who think that being in a position of power gives them the right to bully people.

If at the end of the day, after all is said and done a fair judge decides that Hailey DID deserve to be punched, choked, and thrown on the ground because she said S couldn't catch her than fine. Until then, we try to get through this with as little damage as possible while showing Hailey that if you follow the rules and do what you should and don't allow people to bully you, you walk away with more than they ever tried to take from you.

I'm not sure where the harassment part of it comes from at all. There are a couple incidents I can possibly see that could, if twisted the right way, be made to seem as harassment. There's the time when S called my home 16 times in one day bothering Hailey and I called foster mom and told her to stop her child from calling my house anymore. Maybe me calling her was harassment? ha! Or maybe it was the time S wrote a note in school that foster mom was a horrible b*tch other horrible things and I gave foster mom the note so she could have a talk with S about it since S was obviousely extremely upset. Or maybe it's the time Hailey was at my friend's house and S stood across the street swearing at my friends children and Hailey told her to "just shut up". Or maybe it was when S walked into my house uninvited and I told her to leave NOW and not come back. Maybe if you were really digging for something to pin on Hailey you could use those things as harassment. Maybe.

We meet with the teen court facilitator and 2 resource workers on Tuesday.

Here's a pretty fitting song for the night.... since I probably would have had a lot less problems in this town if we had just conformed to the robotic "norm". Such as

when they forced my left handed child to write with his right hand in kindergarten. I had a problem with that.

When my son's school bus driver came to pick him up talking on his cell phone. I had a problem with that.

When a member of the school board said in a meeting that they prefer to deal with issues (drugs) internally. I had a problem with that.

When my sons third grade teacher told me he needed to be on Ritalin. I had a problem with that

When the principal accused my daughter of having a "power struggle" when he accused her of stealing someone's shoe (no, not shoeS) and she got mad. (the girl lost the shoe and later found it) I had a problem with that

When that same principal told me that my son wouldn't once again be pushed through if he wasn't ready and he finished the school year with straight F's and started 9th grade right on time. I had a problem with that

When my son went to 7th grade not knowing how to add. I had a problem with that

When my daughter got detention for telling her teachers aide that she didn't beleive man actually walked on the moon. I had a problem with that.

Maybe if I had always just been a zombie and never stood up for my kids in this town. Maybe i'd have an easier time of it. But I didn't....

And I'm not sorry. And YOU have a problem with that.

Bailouts

So my friend Trista blogged about the auto company bailouts. This is an issue that Craig and I have been venting about for days now. Cause we do wierd things like that, like we don't have enough in our lives to rant about.

Here's what I think about all thest bailouts. If you frequently get irritated by my take on matters, might want to go play yahoo games or something and come back later.

First with the banks. I heard someone say on CNN during all of that, that if they took that sum of money they gave to the banks and split it between every head of household in the country, each household would receive approximately $400,000. Enough to pay off most mortgages entirely. My first thought was "yeah, THAT wouldn't help the banks" but the more I thought about it the more I wondered....

You see, most people I know don't HAVE $400,000 mortgages. Take my modest home for instance. I owe approximately $60,000. My home is WORTH $169,000 at last appraisal. Right now the only thing keeping me in this town is that my home isn't yet mine. So what would happen if we got $400,000? We would pay off our house of course. We would take the remainder of the money and put a down payment on someone else's house and mortgage the rest, thus putting our business back into the bank. I'm going to assume that a few people would do this, thus sparking a housing boom and subsequent upward turn in the economy. But there are many people who wouldn't choose to move, what about them?

Well those people would likely do one of a couple things. They might spend that $400,000. Wouldn't that boost the economy! Or they might decide to be careful and save it, put it in the bank. The bank then puts it in stock and every stock they invest in BOOSTS THE ECONOMY. And yet other people, who don't even own homes would use that money to buy one! The way I see it we could have taken care of this recession in a hurry!

And now it's the auto companies. Call it a bailout, call it a loan... call it whatever makes your little heart happy. But we have to ask ourselves a couple of questions. First, WHY are auto makers in trouble? The recession you say? Well think about this?

This recession didn't suddenly start yesterday. We've been teetering on that edge of what defines "recession" for a few years. Take yourself back to say... 2005. What kinds of vehicles was GM strongly marketing then? Gas guzzling SUV's of course. Are you telling me that GM had NO IDEA the economy was in a downturn when they were marketing $60,000 gas guzzling SUV's? PFFT. Maybe they should have been marketing smaller, more fuel efficient cars THEN and they wouldn't be where they are now. They economy didn't DO THIS to auto companies. They were part of the entire process.

Another problem I have is where does it end? Banks, Auto companies.... next it will be other fortune 500 companies and eventually it will trickle down to Joe Shmoe who owns the pharmacy. Do you think anyone will be bailing out Joe? I think not. But why? Joe likely is in trouble BECAUSE of the economy and not his own poor choices, but who will be bailing him out? Exactly how much authority should the government have over whose business and livlihood thrives and whose fails?

Because when I'm sitting at work day after day and I see people who appear to have it together tell me they had to drop their insurance because they couldn't afford it anymore, that makes me very sad. When I have people come in unsure if they really WANT the medication they need because of it's cost that makes me angry. When I see people using the Emergency room as their family doctor because of lack of insurance that makes me furious. And those people are in that position because the banks, the auto companies, the fortune 500's MADE BAD CHOICES.

I say let GM and Wells Fargo fall on their ass and make room for some of the smaller institutions to thrive. Let them work out their own mistakes. If every one of those banks and companies cut the salaries of their CEO's in half for 5 years they would likely get back on their feet in no time and that CEO would still be living far more comfortably than most of us.

My brother and I were talking about it the other day releived because of our job security. What do people do when money gets tight? They shop at Walmart instead of Macy's (my brother is the assistant manager of a walmart store. They start using the ER as their family doctor (me), and they get desperate and end up in prison (my sister). Sad isn't it?

Soap box put away for another day.....

how funny life is

Last night I had quite a long telephone conversation with an old friend I haven't talked to in many years. It was very neat to catch up on the goings on of changing families and find some clarity in situations I hadn't known much about, except through others. It's funny how things kind of come full circle like that. It made me realize how much I've grown over the years and how I still see people as who they were and am strangely surprised to see that they have grown as well.

Yesterday while I was at work Craig and Hailey went to the restraining order hearing. We didn't get it. The judge felt it wasn't necessary, and it probably isn't since we have taken the steps to remove Hailey from the situation. It's just so sad that we had to do that, that no one would do their jobs and help. Apparently when Hailey or Craig were on the stand talking to the judge the foster mom and the social worker were making snarky comments and pffft'ing. (nice word huh?) I'm very proud of Hailey and Craig that they remained calm and mature about it and didn't let it get to them.

Today, surprisingly I get a phone call from the teen court facilitator saying that the officer had very recently turned the case over to them. hmmm, interesting. A week ago he wasn't going to do anything and suddenly now it's in teen court? I'm not expecting much but everything that happens just goes to send a clear message to that girl that even if she can fool the social workers, her step mom, the principal, etc... you still have to face the music for your actions at the end of the day.

Poor Craig has a project ahead of him tomorrow, and Craig really doesn't like these kinds of projects. You see, our house is 124 years old. Yep, 124. You would never know it unless you had to look at the upstairs plumbing. In fact, when we installed the shower when we moved in Craig had taken some peices to the local hardware store (think Tim the Tool man) and the guys there had never seen plumbing that old. Well after 5 years of battling that plumbing it's time to replace it. Poor Craig. Poor, poor Craig. He doesn't seem the least bit excited.

Time to go cut Chris and Jack's hair so they look like little boys again and not hoodlems.