Saturday, March 28, 2009

Of tummy aches and asshats

I know. Two posts from me in the same day. Did you think you'd ever see it again? I most certainly didn't. But here I am, at 10pm typing in my blog about absolutely nothing.

I have a belly ache. For days... DAYS. I'm pretty sure at this point that I have some horrible tumor in my colon that's going to have to be hacked out leaving me carrying a colostomy bag around for the rest of my life flinging poo at strangers because a colostomy would most certainly make me suddenly go batshit crazy very quickly. Dr Google helps me diagnose myself, his accuracy is questionable but it fuels my need to walk around an effing nutcase from anxiety as I'm prone to enjoy doing so I consult Dr Google on a regular basis. Last month I had a bruise on my leg that I was almost certain was some horrible disease from the Congo that I must have aquired from the shopping cart handle at the supermarket until I remembered that whacking my knee on the cabinet at work, in THAT spot, was a more logical explanation. I know, logic.... who would have thought...

There's something else bothering me as of late. (like that? it sounds smart doesn't it). And that something is the fact that I seem to be the only person on the planet that can see the obvious on a regular basis. Take, for instance this situation.

Ok, so you have a school, and that school has classrooms. Still with me? Ok, cause there's a lot of details so pay attention. Now, this school has this nifty thing called a school board whose job it is to make sure all the goings on of the school go on. Simple enough, no? Ok, so these school board members must be paid generous salaries because well, they ARE the God's of the school district you see. The decision makers and all.

So. These school board members sometimes don't make the best decisions and as such parents, who pay the taxes to support the school and all, choose to take their children and put them in other schools. The government sees this happening and says whoa tiny school district, you just got tinier and now we must cut your funding and give that money to the districts that are growing because of your dumbass decisions (ok, so maybe they use different words, I don't know).

So now the Gods of the school district are faced with a new dilemma. How are we going to keep our school running? A logical person might say "well Mr schoolboard God, you might consider limiting salaries of overpaid administrators, you know.... for the sake of the children and their education and all". But no, we don't pay the schoolboard God's to be LOGICAL, that would be......... well, logical, no?

Oh no, we couldn't possibly do that. So the school district God's come up with an even BETTER idea. These teachers, if we get rid of a few of these teachers then we will have the money to line our pockets with. WONDERFUL idea!

So they fire... er "retire" a few teachers.

Wonderful.... but uh oh, new problem. What will we do with the CHILDREN those teachers taught? Good lord what a dilemma.

But wait! The school district Gods' say. If we get creative we can fit DOUBLE the desks into schoolrooms! So they take classroom sizes and double them. THERE! That will work!

Oooooh now we have these extra classrooms that aren't being used. The parents aren't going to be too happy about that, seeing their child in a classroom crammed with 30 students while rooms sit empty... they won't like that at all.

So the school district Gods stew and ponder and ponder and stew. And finally they come up with an ingenius idea! Let's use those classrooms as a DAYCARE CENTER! This will be wonderful. In incorporating a daycare center inside the school building we will certainly put other daycares in the community out of business, then we can charge more than they did anyway which will benefit our personal bank accounts tremendousely!

Gosh, how did we get so smart! THEN we can hold fundraisers and raise money for the daycare and get even MORE money! We will charge parents $5.00 an hour to take care of their children and then we will make them feel sorry for us needing equipment and ask that they purchase goods to raise MORE money to buy things for our new cash cow. But we must be careful not to boast our profits, for it will serve us much better to convince the community to feel sorry for us. We can't let on that parents are removing their children from this district at lightening speed because of horrible budgeting and self serving professionals. NO WAY! We must keep it on the down low so that the people of this community, who were dumb enough to elect us in the first place beleive that the districts problems were beyond our control, or better yet we can convince them that they don't exist at all!

Drug problem? What drug problem? Doesn't exist.
School violence? Well that doesn't exist here either!
A middle school principal that isn't necessary because the high school principal (schools are in one building) just came from a school where he was principal to both of these schools put together times 4? No one will notice that!
Administrative salaries growing at a faster rate than that of teachers? Nah, they won't catch that either!

Why didn't anyone think of this before? Since we are offering such a generous service to the community certainly no one will notice that we are stuffing 30 children into a classroom or that we have "retired" a few good teachers. No one will notice at all!

Because apparently we're idiots. Idiots being led by the blind and walking into traffic regardless. Entrusting much more than just our tax dollars to people who have no regard for anything but their own agenda.

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