Saturday, January 24, 2009

The time has come

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore...
and who always will.

I read that quote on another blog today and it struck me.. because it is so fitting in my life right now.

Have you ever grown past someone? I mean really grown past them? To the point that you realize that you have nothing in common with them.

Sometimes there are people in your life that are like furniture. A comfy old recliner if you will. When you bought the recliner it fit in your living room wonderfully. It matched the rest of your furniture and the color fit nicely with the motif of your home. In those early years that recliner was the first place you'd go after a long hard day of work after changing your dress clothes into a comfy pair of sweats. The chair didn't care that you were wearing old holey sweats and a stained Metallica concert t-shirt. And you didn't notice that it was a little rough around the edges. You sank into it perfectly.

Through the years the chair grew older. The fabric faded and the springs in the seat began to protrude slightly. You figured out how to sit in the recliner just the right way but every now and then you would get poked by a spring.

The rest of your furniture was replaced by new, the walls through the years took on a new coat of paint. Every now and then you would look at the chair and notice that it didn't quite match with the other things in the room, it's battered frame and worn cushions.

When company came you would drape a soft quilt over the chair in an effort to hide some of it's shortcomings. It became harder and harder to look at the chair and try to tell yourself that it fit in your home now. You spend more and more time relaxing on the sofa because the chair is no longer comfortable.

Still, you can't bear to get rid of the chair that was your welcoming party after a hard day. The chair you sat in when you talked excitedly about something new in life.

The chair ceases to become part of your life. It doesn't fit in anymore. Everything else in your life grew, changed, became better but the chair just continued to seemingly destroy itself, year by year. It no longer gives you peace, as you have outgrown the need for it and are frustrated by it's inability to be what the new you needs, or wants. The chair, it just refuses to grow with you, instead sitting there in the corner in all it's pity. For some reason unable to get past whatever keeps it there. Then you realize it's there because of you. So many times you've tried to fix the chair. Then you tried to mask what it was so the outside world didn't see it's stained exterior. And finally you realize that the chair is what it is, and that has nothing to do you with you. You can't fix the chair because the chair doesn't see that the world sees it as broken and dirty, or it doesn't care.

Taking the chair to the curb is a difficult task. You wonder what life will be like without it but no longer wish for it to take up space in your life. The chair is a black mark in your home, in your life that is each day moving forward. The chair just stays behind and there isn't anything you can do to change that. For the chair has it's own purpose and it's purpose and yours no longer walk the same path.

But there comes a time when you need to say goodbye. You need to take the chair to the curb and hope that maybe someone will take it and re-upholster it and help it to move forward. You have long since realized that you aren't the person who can do that, and you are keeping your own happiness at bay in trying to get your chair to be what it can never be for you and for itself.

You don't hate the chair, you have just outgrown your need or desire for it. You realize that holding on to it has caused more stresses in your life than it once eased. You realize that during some of the most pivotal points in your life it hasn't been there, not necessarily it's fault but more because it became increasingly clear that it wasn't needed.

It's time to move forward. It's time to move the chair to the curb and replace with with a nice chaise lounge or bookcase. Something that fits who you've become. Continue to move forward and realize that the chair will always just be an accessory in your life that served it's purpose and then wore out and became something that you realize doesn't mean as much to you as you once thought.


jay_say said...

You never explained how it fits... what "old furniture" no longer fits in your life anymore?

Lyndsay said...

What a great analogy! I have a friend who is most definitely "the chair" in my life. We met at work and I knew instantly we would be friends and we were great friends for over 5 years, but once I left work and had kids things changed. My life changed and so did hers. We moved in different directions and started talking less and less. I inadvertantly hurt her about a year later by not inviting her to my sons 1st birthday and after that it was like...whatever! I don't need that drama in my life anymore. I tried to make it work time and time again and I just got tired of trying. I've moved on...not completely we talk VERY rarly she's a friend on FB and I read her blog, but it's a shadow of the friendship we once had. I don't resent her or dislike her it's just that we outgrew each other. We were there for one another when we needed each other and now we don't.

Wow, that was a lot of babbling. Thanks for the online therapy...I guess I needed it. :)

PBandJ said...

It is hard to let things go, especially if they are people, but sometimes they just do not fit anymore. I have a couple of friends that I still get "forwarded" emails from, and we are just on each others' contact lists because we were once close and now just feel the need to have that small connection. We have not spoken in years and probably do not have a single thing in common anymore, but it is so hard to remove that connection because of what once was. Good for you for taking the chair to the curb.

tropicalg77 said...

I have learned that the people that you dont think you could ever live without, the people you sometimes trust the most, are the ones that also inhibit.

When the time has come to be strong enough to know that you can move FORWARD in your life, without that item or person, you find it unbelievably a had struggle.

It isn't for months down the road, that you realize that your life functions just the same if not better, with what you let go of.

Here is to moving forward...