Thursday, August 16, 2007

Memories

I didn't sleep last night. I spent the night frantic with a pen and paper, going through Alex's box writing down any and all memories I still had. Whoever deleted his site..... I hope you slept well. I contacted them and they said the site was deleted by someone logging in with the password. I guess it's my fault for making the password too easy. I guess there really are people in the world who would go to those lengths. I hope you are happy and content. I hope you remember my son's face, because some days I have to look at pictures to do so. I'm certain I'll never find out who did it, but they know what they did and they will have to live with that.

I don't remember things. They say that in the first year of your childs life you retain 5%. I guess that number drops if you lose that child. Last night for the first time in a long time I looked at his little blood stained booties, his little lock of hair, the cute little flowers that hung over his head in his bed at the hospital. At least you didn't take those things away.

I know the people that are angry at me and did this to me visit this blog. And maybe I shouldn't give them the benefit of knowing how much this hurts me. I just hope that when everything is squared away with what they thought I did to them....... someone can come forward and admit what you've done. I admit I screwed up at least.

All I ask is, can you please leave my family alone now? Take your problems up with me but please don't hurt my family members any more. I made a mistake and trusted someone I shouldn't have and now I have to fix it, but you have taken something from my family that we can NEVER get back. All those journal entries, when I was in my darkest hour.... the journal entries that I hoped someday my children could read over and gain some understanding....... you took that from them! From my sister, brother, mother......... you took a peice of us. Hope it was worth it. You win.

2 comments:

Brandy said...

OK that's just low in so many ways. To take something so precious from a grieving mother is beyond forgiveable. What they did was totally wrong and I hope they are judged on their actions one day. Citcat I am so sorry someone acted like a little 12 year old and deleted his site. You know how to find me if you need me.

cindy said...

Dear Kat and family

I am so so so so sorry, words can not explain the pain i feel for you at your loss. words fail me, as to why anyone would or could do such a thing.

i am totally amazed that anyone could stoop so low. i am shaking in anger at the same time i am crying tears, as i had directed people to his site to read your words and wisdom and understanding, and to meet alex, and the wonder of him.

i just wish that i had some way of helping or had a copy of this journal. i am truely sorry