Friday, August 12, 2011

Find out who is

You know how it goes.  Go through something trying in your life and you'll really find out who your friends are.  But what about family?  Family is suppose to be there through thick and thin.  Family is suppose to not care what you have to give back, if you are wearing tattered blue jeans, if you are keeping up with the Jones' right?  I mean family doesn't mean having expectations but rather accepting people for who they are and realizing that the bonds that tie you together are precious and that just because someone doesn't live the life YOU would choose, that doesn't mean theirs is less.

For the most part Craig and I have that kind of family.  His mom and dad, my mom and step dad, my sister... have all been there.  They didn't always agree with the choices we made, in fact us moving took an emotional toll on them as well.  They didn't take offense when in trying to make a life in an unknown place we didn't have time to maybe reach out.  But they answered the phone when we called and needed an ear, they answered the phone when we called to say hey, how ya doing?  They supported us without asking anything in return and knew that once we had the pieces of our life in some kind of order again we would be able to reach out and return the favor.  They didn't look down on us because of what Austin was going through, because we didn't have much money, or because we didn't make the decisions THEY would have had us make.  I thank the Gods every day for these members of our family, because without them this last year would have been much, much more difficult.

I wish I could say the same for the rest of the family.  

My brother has apparently written me out of his life.  I dont' know why but he seems to think he has to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, shut everyone out and pretend everything is great.  Doing this pushes people away and when you push people away long enough they may stop knocking after a while.  When I stopped knocking he finally noticed I wasn't there and is now angry.  I do hope things can get better between us in time.  I hope in time he can let his guard down and know that we accept him and his family no matter what, he has nothing to prove and nothing to hide.  His wife and I have an arms length "facebook "relationship of sorts, which is fine for now as it allows me to keep up on my neice and nephews but I would like it to be better for sure. I witnessed two of my nephews come into the world and would like to be an active part of their lives.

Then there's Craig's mothers oldest sons.  I refer to them as such because to ask Craig, he has no brothers.  Harsh as that may sound, it's been many years in the making and this past year has been the straw that has broken the camel's proverbial back.  His brothers I think really DO believe they are superior to most other people.  In the past 14 years I have listened to one of them cut his ex wife down to sand in front of their children, and encourage the children to join right in (which after a while of it, they have), cut their own mother down behind her back,  drink constantly (which is never a good thing anyway), and can do no wrong.  Once upon a time I didn't mind them, even actually liked them I would say but over the years I sat back and watched and began to wonder where these boys came from.  All 3 boys are from the same two parents but you would never ever even guess they were related to each other to look at them or speak to them.  

A few months ago Craig decided to cut ties with his brothers completely.  I told him I wanted absolutely no say in his decision because I did not want to be responsible for his family being broken apart.  He told me that this isn't just the past 14 years, they have treated him like crap for a very very long time and this was the last straw and every time he has to be near them he is unfortunately biding his time until he can leave, which is sad because he really enjoys spending time with his mom and dad but these family get togethers were so stressfull for him.  For me it was a no brainer.  When I heard through the grapevine the comments that were made about us surrounding Alex's death...... they ought to be glad I was in Texas and had time to spit the bad taste out of my mouth a little before I was within driving distance.  I won't repeat such filth here, they aren't worth it but I certainly hope there's a special place in the firey pits of hell for people who would badmouth a deceased baby, their own nephew at that.  

Thankfully we have some very good friends who have acted the way our family members should have during this time of change in our lives.  And of course the few family members that have acted are so precious in our lives. We are very blessed, and if people want to be a part of the life we live and love then great, if not, it's their loss.  

But MAN are the holidays going to be a little dicey this year!  I may need copious amounts of vodka and prozac.

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