Thursday, May 29, 2008


Over the next few days my posts might disturb some people. I'm not going to be all shocker graphic but if you are sensitive..... who knows. Fair warning. I'm posting this for me and because over the last couple of days I've been dealing with this and it's hard to find anything on the internet to tell you what to expect. So I'm going to try to tell my story as delicately as possible.

As you know I am miscarrying my baby. I was suppose to be 10 weeks today. On Tuesday I began spotting which turned into full fledged bleeding overnight with the passage of what looked like possibly a dime sized baby at 4am. It wasn't gross or anything, it was what it was and at the time I wasn't even sure that's what I was looking at. I didn't keep it.

Well yesterday morning I called the midwife and she told me that it did in fact sound like I was losing the baby and in absence of any signs of infection or soaking a pad an hour or anything "abnormal" that it would likely just run it's course and made an appt for me to come in 2 weeks to be checked out. If I felt like I wanted a D&C just let them know and it would be arranged.

Yesterday afternoon I started cramping pretty bad, but it wasn't uterine cramps, it was all in my left side and was strong enough I had to breathe through it. It would come on quick, last about 5 seconds and then go away. Beginning to worry that maybe this was an ectopic pregnancy and not a simple miscarriage I decided to go to the ER.

The one thing I had about the ER is having to explain things to 4 or 5 people. First the triage nurse who questioned whether I was even pregnant since it wasn't a "confirmed" pregnancy ( remember, today would have been my first prenatal appt), then the EMT (male) who showed me to my room and collected my urine sample (of course I had to tell him I have chronic UTI, i could just see them coming back with "That's your problem! bladder infection!" Then the nurse (male again, are there no women in this place!) who was pleasant enough but went into the whole "some spottingin pregnancy is perfectly normal"..... and finally the doctor. To try to tell these people that I'm bleeding, it's not spotting it's more than that..... I'm confident I'm miscarrying I just want to make sure it's not in my tube. I didn't come here for you to tell me my baby is fine and I'm not on the verge of emotional meltdown over it, been there, done that already.

The doctor was great. Very thorough. He did seem to have some hope though which I did not. He ordered a quantative HCG test to see what that said, did a pelvic exam which showed a closed cervix with red blood coming from it, and then ordered an ultrasound to make sure this baby was not, in fact, in my tube. The HCG said my levels were consistant with a 6-8 week pregnancy.

The ultrasound tech comes in and gets me and Craig asks if he can go. I was really surprised when she told him yes, but she wouldn't be able to tell him anything. I'm glad he could go, to see for himself and get some closure in that way.

We get into the room and she had the screen turned from me which I expected. She did some scanning and button clicking and when she was done told me that she could see a sac consistant with about a 6 week pregnancy, it was misshapen and the rest of my uterus was chalk full of blood and clotty tissue. I asked to see and she showed it to me, was surprised again. Showed me the sac which had no baby in it and showed me how it was so fragile it changed shape when the blood outside it moved around it. She gave us a lot of information for someone who couldn't tells us anything lol Both my fallopian tubes were clear, the pain I was having was my left ovary giving me trouble, again.

We went back to the room and the doctor came in. He was very surprised when I told him I was releived. He kind of looked at me like "oh no, this poor woman thinks her baby is alive". He asked why I was releived and I told him because my tubes were clear. I reminded him that I had walked in without hope, I knew my baby was gone. I was just happy I wasn't going to lose my tube on top of it.

So basically the baby is gone, I'm certain now that's what was in the toilet that night. Now I just wait to expell the rest of it, which if it doesn't happy by Monday I may just opt for the D&C to be done with this and move on. The doctor did say that usually if the bleeding starts on it's own it will complete on it's own, I really hope so. The bleeding has increased more since yesterday so hopefully that's a good step in the right direction.


Lyndsay said...

Hi, my name is Lyndsay and I got your blog from your daughter's blog and her blog from someone else's blog. I've really enjoyed reading about your family and your decision to be 'quiverfull'. I myself have gone back and forth on this decision in regards to our family. I also suffered a miscarriage back in 2006 and it was much like what you are describing right now. I'm so truly sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I ended up really struggling with my emotions with God and in the end we named our baby Brayden Anthony and made a memorial for him and that helped me get past the pain. 3 months after the miscarriage I got pregnant with our son Owen and it was a complete miracle. We got pregnant with Brayden through IVF and did not think we would ever conceive naturally. When Owen was 8months old we got pregnant again and now I'm 11 days away from giving birth to Jackson Daniel. It is amazing at how God truly is faithful. I will be praying for you during this difficult time and I hope that God will bless you and your family with another baby soon.

Amber said...

Hello my name is Amber and I know from experience that having a miscarriage is anything but easy. With my first pregnancy I miscarried the day my Doctor confirmed yes I am pregnant. I believed that something was wrong with my baby and thats why I miscarried and was thankful that it happened early in the pregnancy. It still didn't make it easy. Hang in their it sound like you have amazing loved ones to be with you at this time.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss hon, I am a regular reader.. I got on the computer for a few minutes before bed to check on your blog, I am so saddened that I read that. I am keeping you in my prayers. God has a new angel in heaven he will be waiting for you to join him one day.:) How soon are you going to TTC again?

lilpeasinmypodfrom~God said...

My deepest sympothies to your family. I havent been on your blog for a while and I am shocked and sadened to see this. Hugs mama