Monday, November 12, 2007

Cowardess

I have a person who frequents my blog who has a very deep dislike for me. Likely the same person who attempted to sabbotage Alexander's caringbridge site over the summer and who made ugly comments on his site about a month ago. The newest comment you can find under the previous post.

I have to ask you, my friend.... what is SO bad in your life that you throw yourself SO deeply into mine? You have such a problem with the things I say, yet you keep coming back here and reading it! You have the power to choose. It's quite simple actually.

All I have to say about your comment directly is at least ONE of us has the guts to put our name on what we write. Why have opinions and than not have the nerve to state your identity? Coward.

Moving on a little. The troll touched on this subject in her comment as well. Why do people assume that people with large families are poverish? Why do people assume that we "keep having kids we can't afford?" How the hell do you know what we can and cannot afford? Do you have a copy of my bank records?

We own our home, a 14 room home with 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms at that. We have 3 vehicles. Sure the 1995 Suburbulac is aging but it's only got 140k on it and runs great. We haven't updated it because quite honestly I love my Chevy 350...... I know how to work on em! hehe. Grew up sitting on old 350 motors with my uncles.
Our other cars are a 1998 Chevy Venture and a 2003 Saturn. We have cable, internet, telephone, all that wonderful newfangled technology. All our bills are paid on time. And we do all of this on ONE income because we feel it is of the utmost importance that our children walk into the house after school to a parent and not to an empty house or a daycare provider.

Sure, now and then we get in a pinch. Who doesn't? Why is it that when someone with 1 or 2 kids has a little financial slump the world understands, but when someone who has 4 or more does it irresponsible?

At the end of the day it is not children who are expensive, it's lifestyles. If we didn't have 6 children we would still have a mortgage, we'd still have insurance, we'd still have a couple cars, we'd still have lights, cable, internet, telephone, water, sewer and gas. We'd still have to go to the doctor, we'd still have to eat.

Sure, because of our belief that one of us needs to be home with the kids we have to budget a little better. We have to get creative sometimes and to us money is never expendable. We have to get creative and we have to keep in perspective what in life is important.

I admit, I do some things that most of you do not to save money but to me those sacrifices mean NOTHING compared to the benefits of doing them. Here's a few...

I cut my dryer sheets in half.... yes folks I do. They work just as well and last twice as long
I cloth diaper my son. It's not pins and plastic pants anymore folks.
I breastfeed! shocker eh?
The kids and I like to play board games or Nintendo Wii for fun, cheaper than going to the rink or the movies and twice as fun!

Would I like to have a couple thousand to spare after the bills each month? Not really. Why? Because no one has a perfect life, everyone has to struggle with something and if extra spending money is the one thing in my life I struggle with........ I'm a blessed woman.

We believe wholeheartedly in God's greater plan. We take his word seriousely and we believe with everything we have that children aren't the burden they are seen as, they are a blessing...... 2 or 20 of them. I am grateful that God trusts me enough to allow me the honor of raising 6 (or more!) of his children. I must be doing something right to receive such a gift! I'm just so glad God didn't put YOU in charge of my fertility. You may judge me for my large family but God's opinion is about the only one that matters and the fact that I have 6 kids means he doesn't think I'm doing half bad!

The difference between my family and yours is that we have to fight harder for everything in this world because people look down on us. Everytime one of my children has a struggle in life they are judged harder than the child next to them because of our large family. They understand that and they know that they have to try just a little harder in life. Are they going to screw up? I surely hope so! That's how people learn and gain knowledge. But they are aware that they are going to be scrutinized every step of the way and when they are all grown they will likely be better people because of it.

Craig and I are judged very harshly. Especially in this community we live in that is so fake you can almost peel the plastic skin off people. This town, I like to joke that it's a tiny LA because it's so full of snobs and fakes it's hysterical. A lot of the townsfolk have more money than brains. Fortunately for us, the reputation of this town makes property values cheap and our house costs us less to live in than about anywhere else we could go! So thanks to the people of this town for that!

I'd like to leave off with the fact that I may critisize how we as a society handle ourselves, but I have NEVER personally attacked anyone on this blog. You may take what I write as an attack, but that is simply due to your own insecurity. So to call ME out because you feel bad about your choices is sad...... why not take all that energy and fix your own life?



So. hate me if you want to.......... love me if you can. Right now I have to go take care of my baby who just woke up......... daycare doesn't do that for me!

5 comments:

Donnette said...

One comment I would like to make is that you people that have small families, and not 6 and 7 as us big families do should really think to themselves about the fact that they have chosen to stop their families where they have, they are not condemned for stopping so why get their feathers in a ruffle when we let god do our bidding and letting god give us the gifts of these tiny people. obviously he feels that we are doing a awesome job because we keep getting more. when did our lives become your chance to put people down and try to make other people feel bad when it is really you that has the problem with your life. why don't you take a lesson from another big family ... keep your problems, your problems. and you are the only one to blame for what you make of your life. our children are our future, why teach them to be so ignorant.

Holly said...

Hi Kat, haven't read your blog in awhile, but I found this post interesting. I don't really have any issues with what you said, except for one item:
" am grateful that God trusts me enough to allow me the honor of raising 6 (or more!) of his children. I must be doing something right to receive such a gift! I'm just so glad God didn't put YOU in charge of my fertility. You may judge me for my large family but God's opinion is about the only one that matters and the fact that I have 6 kids means he doesn't think I'm doing half bad!"

I don't "think" you meant it this way - but that really cuts deep to someone who struggles to have even just ONE child. I'd like to think infertility is not a way for God to tell a women she is not trusted enough to bare one of his children... but I truly hope you didn't mean it that way.

I'm curious to know who your anonymous responder is.

Kat said...

I didn't mean it that way and I apologize if it sounded as such.

I think that God blesses us in his way, in his time. I have long struggled with the question as to why deserving, wonderful couples struggle so hard to have a child, it's one thing I pray for understanding on often. We all have our lessons to learn, I beleive and we are all tested in different ways, some of us have trouble conceiving, some of us lose children we conceived easily.... the lessons are ours to learn.

What I was getting at was that my belief in my family size is that I trust God to be the expert on it. If I have 20 children, or I'm never blessed with another then that is the way God wanted it. I don't mean to say that someone who struggles to have a child isn't as deserving as I am...... not for one second. I may be opinionated, but I'm not vain.

I honestly don't full understand why some, like yourself struggle to have children. I don't get it and I probably never will. I just trust that God has his plans and sometimes he makes us work for our blessings. Although I've conceived fairly easily throghout my life, having lost Alex brought some perspective for me and I think that sometimes we DO have to work for them, maybe infertility is one of God's tests? Maybe the children, like yours, that come into this world after so much hard work are extra special. Maybe God really needed to be sure you were up to the challenge of raising one of the extra special people..... I don't know.

Anyway. I'm rambling. I never meant to insult or hurt anyone. I'm kinda tired atm so sorry if this doesn't make sense lol

The mystery poster...... well, I guess she (or he) has issues to overcome as well and I hope he/she can.

Katie said...

Mystery poster here. I had to go take care of my baby when she woke up from her nap, and hit anon. in haste. Don't worry, I'm not scared of you or regretful of my comments to you.

I was on the babycenter boards and have frequently posted to you many times. I shared your heartache (as much as I possibly could) when Alex was sick and I felt nauseous for days when you lost him. I even wrote a long post on my own personal blog, asking people to pray for you and for all innocent lives that are so unfairly cut short. And to pray for you, a mother who never really had the oppurtunity to do things with her son that we all take for granted. And my heart broke for you and you inspired me to realize that no matter how many times I woke up during the night to feed, diaper, and change. Regardless of the long stay in the NICU and the refulx, she was here and I was able to hold her and watch her breathe each night and that in itself was the most amazing thing in the world, and to be grateful for it and not take it for granted, not for a single moment.

That being said, I've kept up with you and your family. You used to be such an inspirational person, so caring and heartfelt to all that you came in contact with. But since you've started this blog, you've thrown yourself into Martyrdom.

When I had my daughter I was 20 years old, dropped out of college, wed her father. We have a mortgage, car payments, everything that you do. So don't think that you're the only one in this world who gets looked down upon and has to struggle. Not only do I work because I have to, but I work to provide a better life for my child. A life that isn't just full of creature comforts, but a good solid education (not something that can be found in our public school), clothes on her back, and the chance to experience the world. And two parents who dearly love her.

Good for you Kat that you stay at home with your kids. Good for you that you've breastfed them for as long as you have. But are your kids going to care about that when they can't afford to go on school trips or can't pay for college (or spend fifty years paying off those college loans?) Do you think the older ones might start to wonder why you continue to have children, when you are so tightly budgeted already?

You are RIGHT. God blesses us with children. And that is something that no one should ever take for granted. But God also gives us the oppurtunities to show and teach our children about the world and it is our job to do that. To provide them with a top notch education so that they can be and do anythign that they want too.

I am NOT a materialistic person, but I am not going to let my children (regarldess of how many, or how few I have) grow up to be saddened and ashamed of their childhoods. My child(ren) deserve the absolute best that this world has to offer them and while at times it might be trying and require that I use an in home babysitter so that I can go out into this world and better it with my career (I'm a nurse BTW)- they will know that their mom goes to work each and every day so that they don't have to wallow in poverty with ten other siblings who are equally hungry. I go to work each day to show my daugher that women can be anything that they want to be in life, and the world is at her fingertips. And maybe she'll chose to be a stay at home mom, but she'll make sure that her children are well provided for- for the moment and for the future

It seems to me that you take for granted the world that you live in. And you, of all people, should know what it feels like when someone gloats about their 6 healthy children.

You might think that I have attacked you unfairly. And I am sorry that you feel that way. You have changed into a hateful person-making all others who you see too snotty or uppity the target of your rants. Perhaps that is just a direct reflection of how your current situation makes you feel. You are hateful of those people because they have things you don't. You critizcize those who don't stay at home and breastfeed their children because that is all you have, and all you know. you should stop thinking of those people who are looking down at you and get right back up at their level. And maybe a part time job could afford your family a little more food and a little less scrimping and saving. After all, we only get one chance to give them the childhood they deserve, and while having a large family is a blessing and a spectacular upbringing, don't sacrifice their ability to suceed in this world for that.

Donnette said...

Again I have to comment on this...
"Katy" if that is who you really are (which I doubt) You dont know who you are even talking to... You are so far off that you better grab a parachute cause your fall is gonna be dangerous!!! You are way reaching for reasons to hurt someone.. What could be so wrong in your life that you have to go after someone and attack them about their children. Do you really know Kat???? Do you have any idea??? No you dont, you dont even have a clue. You know I am the one who would love to have the things that they give their children and they as a family never brag or even make the assumption that they have more then anyone,they are modest and they share, and often invite other children including mine to share in their fortune... even the fortune that they dont have to purchase. They have everything!!! If you knew her you would not make these assumptions about her life. You must have Kat confused with someone else in your fantasy that you have created. As a HEALTHY person, you read a blog and make some comments here and there, You are so far out there about what you think, and that it is almost scary. I know Kat and have for MANY years and you say that she is "hateful", again I will ask DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT??? I think that you need to see someone, with you saying that you are a nurse it scares me to think that someone that is this dillusional should ever be in care of someones life. Kat has never ever judged me about the fact that I made the choice to use formula she has expressed that some moms do need help and if noone told the true facts about formula some moms (like me) wouldnt know what the dangers were. You have chosen to go off the deep end and make this personal. "Katy" I am worried for you, you have taken reading someone elses blog and turned it into a personal matter. If I was Kat I would have already contacted someone about you. Why are you so infactuated with her and her family? Now THAT is something to blog about!!!!