Figuring it out

I have decided to definitely get my CNA license and do the PCT job up in OB. However I will not be pursuing an actual nursing position in this unit or anywhere else.

Craig and I talked today and he was very helpful, as usual. I was literally just sobbing over everything because the difference between what we needed and what I wanted were conflicting, and he asked a very meaningful question... "Kat, if you didn't have this thing in OB would you want to be a nurse" And the answer is a resounding no. The answer has always been a resounding no. There was a reason I quit before. I quit because nursing was not my calling. Nursing was not what made me happy. Nursing was not something I could enjoy. Don't ask me what's so different for me in doing what I do, being a PCT, and nursing because for all intents and purposes, there isn't much difference. But for me there is. I know, it doesn't make sense to anyone but me. Most people can't understand why I quit something that seemed to be perfect for me. Those reasons will probably only ever be apparent to me and those who know me best. And dont' get me wrong, I appreciate what nurses do.


The PCT thing itself is bordering on iffy. But you know, it pays fairly well and right now that's what we need. I love being on the unit, I love all the staff (ok maybe not one of the docs, but the docs aren't around much) so I think I will definitely be happy with this position. And if not, I don't know where my life will lead me. My career and goals have changed and evolved so much over the years I just don't have any clue where I'll end up, and that's actually a good thing I think.