Give them the tools and they will learn!

There is a lesson in everything. The trick is to let the lessons come from their ideas and give them the tools.

Making cookies. Who knew you could learn so much about math and science! But don't make cookies because there's a lesson, make cookies because cookies are yummy!













And Jacksen wanted to check the temperature on the roast (nevermind mommies messy hair)











And today they found daddies tape measure and figured out that our table is 54x54 . No prompting involved just a natural curiosity supplied with the tools they needed.










It is completely amazing to me how much children want to learn and how interested they are in the world around them.

And instead of trying to get all the vacation photos into one post (which obviousely I don't have time for or it would have been done by now) I'm going to throw in a pic with future posts

Here's NAte in the hotel sink being totally vain. If you want something to lecture me about you can take notice of his hand on the hot water handle..... oops. We noticed it before anything happened thank goodness. BAD PARENTS!

Ok that was silly

I don't know why I'm suddenly worrying about what people think or say. I've never really been that type of person before. I had a good sleep and now I'm back..... please disregard the previous post lol

I am working on something big. Bigger than big. HUGE big.

No, I'm not pregnant, that would be something small........ or big I suppose. But that's not it.

In the next few weeks I'll show it to you..... It's major big.

Suppressed

I'm feeling rather suppressed here. Which is probably why my posts have become fewer and further between. I've been thinking lately about moving over to wordpress or something where I can password protect some of my entries, giving me a bit more freedom to use this blog as was intended but I just haven't done it I suppose.

I just get so frustrated sometimes with not being able to truly express myself. I sometimes feel like every word I type on this blog is scrutinized, taken out of context and made to be a personal attack on someone else. Why can't it just be what it is? Why can't MY blog just be about ME?

Maybe that's selfish but it seems reasonable. I don't mind people reading it, in fact it's a great way for people to keep up on the goings on in our lives since sadly we don't get to see or talk to friends and family often enough.

I guess sometimes I don't really know what I want. Tonight I'm feeling depressed and defeated and indecisive and frustrated about nothing and everything at once. Ever get like that? Where you aren't quite sure why suddenly you just feel beaten down? It's like life sometimes just catches up to me and stares me down. Tomorrow i'll be fine. Strange. I think I really have some demons to confront and sometimes late at night I get tired of running away from them and they start to gain on me a bit.

Sometimes I get tired of defending myself. I get tired of trying to live my life the way I see best and being told I'm doing it wrong. I guess if I want this to stop I'll have to just live with the same robotic principals (or lack thereof) as everyone else. I just think that would be failing my family and myself. Sometimes the weight on my shoulders is just very draining. Why can't the world just leave us alone?

The change

Hehe, if you didn't enjoy the previous post, my apologies. In this family we love a good prank so I hope you can see it was all in fun.

Why haven't I been blogging you ask? Well, because we are on the verge of a major family change. A change that we've been waiting for a long time.

No, I'm not pregnant! Since I know that's what you were all thinking.

We are becoming a family who no longer has a hierarchy. Craig and I (and probably most of you too) grew up in a world where adults are superior to children. We demand respect without feeling the need to return it, we lay down rules without feeling the need to explain them, and we treat our children as our followers when in fact, they are our leaders.

For the past 14 years we have run our household that way. We have made demands on our children, laid our agenda onto them and haven't taken advantage of the teaching that they have to offer us. Our family has turned into a "us against them" operation and we have lived with the result of that.

We have sent them to school in segregated classrooms and demanded they learn the "3 R's" in a robotic, scheduled way much like a production line.

We have 2 parts of our lives, the home part and the school part. As much as parents are involved in their children's school life, they are still outsiders looking in. This has created a grand canyon sized separation in us and our children. We don't know them and they don't know us.

This has all resulted in children who are resentful and have low self esteem and confidence and parents who struggle to maintain a sense of "control".

I'll start with the family changes. These changes have been most difficult for Craig and I since we have to "unlearn" a lot of what we were taught as children. I have always been a beleiver for baby-led care and learning. We don't let our babies cry it out, we allow them to learn the things they learn at their own pace and in their own way. We give them the tools to use, but we allow them to do the work. And you know what? Every (unless there is some disability I suppose) baby who is allowed to do these things eventually learns to walk, to talk, to feed himself. They know their needs will be met because we listen to their cries and comfort them and tend to them. This gives them a sense of security and confidence to crawl around the house learning about their world. We put up baby gates, outlet covers and cabinet latches to keep their world safe and if they get into something that could harm them we say "that's an owie" and remove the object from their reach.

Somewhere around the age of 2 or 3 though, something changes. We stop allowing them to freely investigate and learn from their actions and their world and we demand they follow OUR lead. It's no wonder that the "terrible 2's" emerge. Suddenly their world changes drastically, although it doesn't seem so to us. Why do we suddenly stop trusting in their inate ability to self teach? Why do we suddenly decide that WE can teach them more than they can learn by touching, tasting, hearing and seeing? We tell them what to do and when to do it so what they learn is not to trust themselves and that big people are more capable than smaller people and that big people are in "charge" of smaller people. Then we wonder why they push the smaller child down on the slide at the park.

This seems to become more and more true the older they get. "You can't" or "no" becomes a part of daily life. Children start to beleive that they can't and stop trying. They second guess their instincts because they are afraid of being wrong. In our attempt to make them good people we take away from them something that may never be regained.

We dont' do this out of spite or because we want to take something away from them. We don't even realize we are. We feel like that by demanding they respect adults that they will grow up to be respectful to others. We feel that by saying "no" when they want to do something we teach them that the world isn't always going their way and it's not always fair. We don't realize that instead we are creating kids, teenagers, and young adults who don't truly respect others because they have always been made to feel inferior than their elders. We teach them that the word no is a tool people use to get their own way in life at the expense of your fun and learning.

We also send them a very mixed message. We urge them to be individuals and free spirits, yet we squash their attempts to do so for the "greater good" of society. We send them to school to learn the exact same way as 24 other children in their class.

School. Traditional education makes little sense if you take into account the individual make up of children. Again it goes back to babies. Does every baby say his first word at 9 months old? No. Does every baby walk at 12 months? No again. Does every baby sleep through the night at 6 weeks? no. Why? Any pediatrician will tell you that it's because some 6 week olds are ready to sleep all night, and some aren't. Some 12 month olds are ready to walk, some aren't and that's OK! It is! Aside from a few parents most of us are ok with that and when our child learns to walk at 14 or 15 months we are no less thrilled with them. They learned it, it didn't harm them to learn it a little later. It certainly didn't harm them not to be assessed, reassessed, x-rayed to make sure their bones were formed right, whatever. By the time they are 4 you will never be able to pick out the child that learned to walk at 8 months from the child that wasn't ready until he was 14 months.

Yet the day we put our children in school that ALL changes. While it was ok for little Bobby to take his time walking when Susie walked early, suddenly it is a major concern that Bobby can't write his name and Susie can. It is alarming that Bobby isn't learning his ABC's and Susie learned them the first day. What we aren't seeing is that during free time, Bobby built a intricate castle out of lego's. Bobby can count to 20, but he can't WRITE HIS NAME!

Maybe Bobby learned to count to 20 by counting the lego's as he was building his catle. Maybe what Susie sees clearly on the chalkboard Bobby can't completely grasp unless he hears it said. Bobby and Susie are very different children....... but are expected to learn the exact same way. Susie got lucky in that her mind understands the way the teacher teaches. Bobbies mind learns a different way. That doesn't make him dumb, in fact he is probably extremely intelligent. But from that first parent teacher conference he is marked. Bobby failed. Bobby isn't doing well at reading. What does Bobby hear? That he's not good at writing and in his mind a tiny little post it is pinned up in the area of his brain where reading is learned. Every time, for the rest of his life, that Bobby goes to read something that post-it note starts to flash and whether he recognizes it or not, Bobby is, from that day forward a failure in reading in his own mind.

Bobby might have been a great reader if that wasn't taken away from him so early in life. If he didn't have to carry that post it note around with him for the rest of his life. Because Bobbies mind was learning to build castles and count at that very moment, he will struggle on some level with the written word forever. He may overcome it, he may not.

Did you know the average age for a child to learn to read is somewhere between 3 and 9? NINE?! Did you know that a previousely uneducated 17 year old can learn an entire curriculum of math from Kindergarten to 12th grade in about 2 months?

That 17 year old can do that because he is emotionally, socially, biologically, and mentally ready to learn math. Because he is previousely uneducated he has no negative post-it notes in his brain about math so he is able to fly through it and retain more than most of us.

Am I saying that you should just not let your children learn anything until they are a teenager and then cram it all in and send them out the door? Well no, that wouldn't make much sense. But allowing them to lead the way, allowing them to show YOU when they are ready is definitely a good thing.

Children learn all the time whether we like it or not anyway. Right now, for instance my 5 year old is walking up the stairs and counting the stairs backwards. HE already counted them forward to know there are 14. I'm not telling him to do math, I'm not making him do anything, and he doesn't even know he's doing anything but playing. He's not failing at anything, no one is better than him. We all learn from the world around us. As parents it isn't our job to shove information down their throat when we decide it's time for them to learn it, it is our job to let them learn through life, to make learning fun based on what interests them, and to try to slide some learning experiences in.

It's interesting. If I were to put a peice of paper in front of my 14 year old with simple subtraction facts on it, facts he could probably do with little effort he would likely protest, whine, and take an hour to do it. But if I take him to the cemetary and walk around with him trying to figure out how long each person lived he would thoroughly enjoy himself and would have done the same thing, learning more from it. That's our job, to find what interests them and guide them. Learning is a bit of a side effect.

So. As soon as it is confirmed that the state has received my documents my children will be removed from public school and we will begin homeschooling. Just TALKING about it has sparked a new interest in learning for all of them. The beginning of this week my daughter was told by her teacher that she "can't" read a book she was interested in because it was beyond what she could read. She is now halfway through the book and retaining much of it. Because it INTERESTS her! We have many things planned and are all very excited.

Austin, who hates math is looking forward to going online and making a cookbook for our family of recipes he'd like to make. Most recipes are for small families so he will have to convert the measurements to feed 8. He is excited about math because he loves to cook!

As far as family change. We will see our kids as equals. They are not less than us. If we want their respect we have to show it, just like anyone else. We will take the words "NO" and "Can't" out of our vocabulary. Does that mean our kids will get everything they ask for? No. Craig was a bit worried about this when I brought it up. When our son asks for a $50 game we won't say No, we will instead say Yes.... "yes you can have that game, lets figure out how you might earn the money to buy it". That lets him know his needs will be met, his interests respected, but he will have to work for it.

Some of you are going to read this and cringe, thinking in your mind of the kids you know who are running wild, disrespecting others and property because they didn't have rules, boundaries, and limitations. This my friends is a result of HANDS OFF parenting, also known as "let them do what they want and ignore it" parenting. That is NOT anything that resembles to me affective parenting. What we are doing is not hands off parenting. As a matter of fact it takes far more effort from us than our old way of parenting did! We watch, listen, interact with our kids. We talk to them and understand their point of view. Our kids learn respect by being respected and being understood. We are very much a part of their lives and education. Hands off parenting is neglectful parenting, these children grow up disconnected from their parents and crave attention and love wherever they can get it.

This whole thing is probably going to be more difficult for Craig and I than anything. Just today I dealt with a situation that tested what I've learned.

Jacksen and Autumn were having an arguement over a toy. I asked Autumn what happened and then asked Jacksen what happened and when I got to Jacksen and asked him to talk to me about it he yelled "NO!". Normally my reaction would have been to put him in time out until he was ready to talk but I bit my tongue, thought about it, and realized that he was allowed his opinion and he was allowed the right to not want to talk about it right at that moment. When he realized that his voice was being heard, and his opinion respected he opened up and told me that the toy he had was very special to him and Autumn had it and he didn't want her to play with it because if it got broken he would be very hurt. I offered the suggestion that maybe the toy could get put in his room until after she left for the day and he excitedly put it in his bedroom to play with later. He then told Autumn why he put the toy away, she understood and it was over.

Some may say I should have forced him to share the toy. Why? If something were very special to me and I were forced to let another person use it I would feel very hurt, scared and resentful. As an adult I would be well within my right to simply put the object away. So why isn't my child offered that same right? As you can see my parenting was very hands on. It was not simply allowing Jacksen to do as he wished or be a bully. It would have taken far less time and energy for me to put him in time out and give the toy to Autumn but I would have missed the entire point and Jacksen would have felt resentful, hurt, misunderstood and like his feelings didn't matter. Instead he felt empowered and like he mattered. Next time he will have the tools he needs to explain his feelings to Autumn a little better.

Ok, ttfn if you have questions please leave a comment!

OMG

For months a dear friend of mine has been tormented in her home by a ghost. No one beleived them and they've been living with this night after night. Finally she decided to get out the video camera and get some proof so that someone would beleive her and not think she was just going nutso. I watch Ghost Hunters all the time and have a deep fascination for the paranormal however after seeing this I told her to get out of that house....... she is currently getting things in order to come up to WI and stay with us for a while until they can sell the house. I don't feel her son is safe. Tell me if I'm overreacting...

Living on a prayer

Yes, I'm still planning that vacation photo post. I hate dealing with pictures online. Speaking of pictures, it appears that my new Kodak 5100 all in one printer (you know, the one featured on celebrity apprentice to save you money in ink?) yeah, well it apparently has a bad print head now. It worked just fine the first time I used it, printed 160 pictures perfectly. Now it just spits the paper out atme. After 40 minutes on hold with Kodak I got to talk to a very nice (English speaking even!) gentleman who determined after making me fuss with parts of a printer I've never seen, that the print head is bad. They are sending me a new one and 4 new ink cartridges. Here's hoping it breaks down every month!

Did anyone watch Dr Phil yesterday? I admit, I'm painfully addicted. Maybe it wasn't the one that aired yesterday, I forget since I DVR everything I don't always watch it the same day it airs *shrug*. Anyway...

The name of the show was "Living on a prayer" and featured a couple with 7 kids. The husband had once had a multi million dollar business which went under in 2002. Since that time he's been struggling to find his place as far as employement and has tried a few businesses that didn't take off. He and his wife beleive that God is directing them. The family currently lives without gas or running water (they heat with a fireplace and catch rainwater in a large pool) and are on the verge of losing their home.

Watching this show I was completely torn. On the one hand I can so totally relate to them. Living life by what you feel God is telling you to do. Are they neglecting their children because they don't have worldly luxuries? Definitely not. I mean people lived a very long time without gas heat and running water. Just because those things are available to us now does that mean that to not use them is neglectful? I'm not so sure. It's not like he was denying them warmth and water, just getting them in ways that aren't the "norm" for our society. Is that really that deplorable?

The children, from the short clips they showed seemed extremely happy and healthy. Heck, they were jumping on not one, but TWO trampolines in the back yard. Dr Phil was telling the couple that he's lived in that kind of environment and he knows for a fact those kids aren't happy...

The faith they have is definitely inspiring. They had a pastor on there and Dr Phil himself was telling the guy that he is interpreting the bible wrong and blah blah blah, well I think that the words of the bible mean different things for different people so that bugged me.

Then he asked THE question.......... "Why do you keep having kids?" I was about to hit stop and delete rather than listen to Dr Phil blame 7 kids on that families problems but thankfully the question got redirected and seemingly forgotten about. WHEW!

I don't know. If you felt God were very clearly directing you in a path that the rest of society might not choose would you follow him or turn away? I guess that is the question. Whether or not the couple was hearing what God was saying correctly, you have to commend their faith.

I hope things work out for them and they find what they are looking for. I really do.

To my husband..

Vacation post and photos coming, I promise..... But for now

Happy Valentines day to the man I dreamt about as a little girl.

It's been 11 years since our first Valentines day and I can't begin to tell you how happy you have made me over the past 11 years. When we met, I already had a family, albeit an incomplete one. I remember before I met you, looking into my baby daughters eyes one night and promising her that she would not grow up without a daddy, that I would find her the best daddy on the planet. I never could have predicted that I would be able to follow through with that promise.

I will never forget the day after we met. I was at the grocery store and came home to find you on the floor playing with her. I walked in and saw that beautiful picture in front of me and knew then and there that I would spend the rest of my life with you if I had my way. I knew that God had brought me what I had asked for.

You were very brave to take us on. I was so young with 2 kids, hadn't yet figured out who I was let alone anything else. You came into our lives just when we needed you.

These past 11 years with you have been wonderful. We have had our ups and downs, we have in a big way grown up together. We have dealt with things that would have torn most marriages apart in a nanosecond. We have endured them together and I feel a sense of relief that you are the one who shares those memories, and even the pain with me. We have come out of every situation stronger and more devoted to each other.

When we got started I don't think anyone could have dreamed we would last. After all, on our wedding day we had known each other a mere 9 months. I knew the moment I saw you that you were my soulmate. People say there is no such thing but I know it's true. God sent you to me because he knew I would never survive the future without you.

The slight tremble in your nervous hands on our wedding day, Seeing your face light up when our babies were born, and noticing the tiny tear in your eye. How it hurts you every time one of them gets hurt, watching you give Shaylin her little manicures and combing her hair just like you use to comb yours only for me to giggle and fix it. The way you talk with your hands, your silly sound effects.... The hurt on your face when I'm in pain and you can't fix it for me. The way you let me sleep in almost every day because Nate gets up so much at night, even though I get more sleep than you anyway..... Seeing the real man under the tough facade when our Alex went home with Jesus and watching you so carefully place his casket in the ground, just as you carefully put the other children in their beds....... I love you for all of these things more than I can ever tell you.

I love and trust you with my heart and soul and because of you I've learned to wholeheartedly trust someone. It may sound cliche but you are truly my other half. We may be opposites in a lot of ways but that is how we each become "normal". You are my calm when I want to fly off the handle and you are my motivation when I just don't care.

I know our boys will grow up to be great men, husbands, and fathers because of the role model you are to them. I know our daughters will grow up to be strong, confident women because of the way you have shown them men should treat women.

I can't wait to grow old with you, to watch our grandchildren grow up and our children become parents. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life knowing I'm the luckiest woman in the world. You are the only one I want to cry to, to laugh with, to go to sleep each night and wake up each morning next to......... I love you!

Shania Twain- You're still the one

(When I first saw you, I saw love. And the first time you touched me, I felt love. And after all this time, you're still the one I love.)


Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we'd get there someday


They said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

Chorus:
(You're still the one)
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're still the one I want for life
(You're still the one)
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missin'

Chorus

I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come my baby

Out of the mouths of babes

So this morning while Jacksen was playing with his friend Autumn who I babysit during the week I decided to watch an uber sweet slideshow at Confessions of a CF husband and of course upon hearing the music Jacksen came over and demanded that we watch Alex's movie and I oblige. The mere first 3 notes of the song send Craig out of the room and off to the store and Jacksen and I watch and remember.

When it finished Jack went back to playing with Autumn and very shortly thereafter I hear this conversation..

Jacksen: God made us
Autumn: God made everything
Jacksen: I know

Autumn: God made everything and now he just watches us all day
Jacksen: No he doesn't
Autumn: uh-huh
Jacksen: No, he's in heaven
Autumn: I know. He just sits up there and watches us all day

Autumn: I wish I could see God
Jacksen: But you can't..... he's invistible
Autumn: No he's not, he's in heaven dummy

Gotta love 5 year olds.

I found my new addiction!

Ok, so I use to do Creative Memories scrapbooking wayyyy back before scrapbooking was the thing to do but I quickly got burned out. It was so expensive and I cringed everytime I cut up one of my pictures so I soon left the scrapbooking world behind........

But now I've found DIGITAL scrapbooking and OMG how fun! I did a page of Hailey last night I wanna show you. This should be the first of many!

Playin

I finally got my pictures printed so I took some time tonight to play with my new phot editing software I mentioned in the previous post. Keep in mind these photos are from my old camera, not my new one.

My mom's farm. I printed this to a 8x10 and am going to frame it for her kitchen wall.

More farm fun

And some of Nate. I can't honestly decide if this first one is cute or if it creeps me out

Decisions have been made.

Craig is now on his second half of vaction. I kind of like it that he took it the way he did, instead of 2 weeks it feels like 3 weeks because he only worked 3 days last week, having had the previous week off and yesterday started another week off. It's so nice to have him home.

I bit the bullet and bought the camera I've been wanting, the Nikon D40. Although the kit lens is perfect for what the average person needs, I also purchased another lens that picks up where the kit lens leaves off in zoom. I figured I'd need it since I'm often struggling to get good shots of the kids at concerts, sports events and such. I also got a tripod and 2 premium SD cards, a 5 G and a 1 G. So I should be good for about 1,000 pictures at a time. I've really had my eye on a Digital SLR since they first started coming out, but couldn't handle the ginormous pricetags they came with. Thankfully company competition has allowed the prices to drift down into a range the average amateur photographer can wrap their head around.

I've been struggling for months with the decision to buy either this camera or the Canon Rebel XT. It was really a back and forth kind of thing and no one could really help since like I was told, it's like asking someone which is better: Ford or Chevy........ everyone has thier preference and none of it really matters. Nikon had a better lens, Canon had more on board editing features..... Nikon had a bigger LCD screen, Canon used memory cards I already own.... Nikon just looked more "classy", but Canon had won me over before with my G2. I was undecided still upon walking into Best Buy. It didn't take me long once there to figure out which one I wanted. The Canon just isn't very user friendly, and it doesn't feel quite right in my hand. As someone who is often chasing after kids with a camera in my hand I really wanted something I could get a firm grasp on. It didn't take long before the Nikon won me over.

Then of course I "needed" a good photo editing program. I've been using a combination of Picassa by Google and what elements are available without the disk in the Ulead program my friend had installed on my computer. The picassa was nice, but not full featured and the Ulead just dissapointed me over and over again with the cheapness of the edits. My friend has shown me pictures she has edited with the full version of the program and while the photos are very nice, it's mostly due to good photography. I just think the program takes something away from some really nice pictures.

I am not the type of person to make purchases on a whim so of course I researched the hell out of programs before walking into the store. Unlike the camera decision that was still stressing me out, I knew going in which program I was leaving with....... Corel PaintShop Pro Photo X2. There really was no question. The only competition would be Adope Photoshop but why pay twice (or more) the price for a program with the same features that is more difficult to use?! Thankfully, God gave me more brains than money anyway. I haven't had much time to play with it since I've promised myself I will get the hundreds of pictures on my harddrive printed before I put anymore on this computer (I think I just printed number 89, lord help me) but the bit I checked out definitely seems fun! Definitely worth the $99 price tag.

Next week we are taking a couple days and going to the Dells for an overnight trip with my brother and his wife and kids and my sister. I cannot wait to just park my butt in a hot tub somewhere and leave my cares behind. Of course I'll have 6 kids to look after, but a girl can dream.

Anyway. It's almost 1am. I think I'm going to let my poor printer and my tired brain rest for a few hours before the kids are up demanding fruit loops.

But wait! there's more!

We had a message on the phone today from Christian's GI's office. The biopsies they sent to the Milwaukee research lab apparently show low lactose........ so we can add lactose intolerance to his diagoses.

More later

Writers block

I've just been so uninspired lately. It's sad really. I'm generally so passionate about things, about life and I'm just not these days. Maybe it's a combination of being busy, being slightly depressed, being sick to death of cold and snow........ I don't know. Maybe I've just lost the will to fight.

No, that's not it. I will never lose the will to stand up for what I beleive is right, sometimes though, I wonder if I'm just wasting my breath. I know I can't fix the world and I know that not everyone on this planet is going to think like me or see my point of view. But the way people live and act or lack thereof just isn't good enough.

I don't see myself as superior. Far from it as a matter of fact. I, at 31 years old, still have an enormous amount of learning to do about life. I am learning more every day and every little bit of information I receive is logged in a file in my brain to be sorted later. Maybe that's my problem lately, not enough sorting has been going on.

Monday was Alex's 2nd birthday. I failed at it. I had planned this whole thing, bringing helium balloons out to the cemetary and tying notes to the strings from the kids and Craig and I and letting them fly to heaven, much like we did at his funeral. When the day came to actually do it, however, I froze. The thought of going to the cemetary became overwhelming to me and I just couldn't make myself do it. What the hell my problem is I don't know. I haven't been there in like a year and a half........ A YEAR AND A HALF! Seriousely, what the hell is the matter with me?

If you have a smartass comment about it please keep it to yourself. If you have something constructive to say I welcome it.

Craig found it

Craig found Alex's movie montage........ I thought I'd share it with you.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Slacker!

I know, I know. But I have an excuse. Craig's been off work for the past week on vacation so that leaves me little time for important things like blogging! I know you've missed my bitchy ass, sorry!

Let's see. Nate's birthday was this past sunday. He LOVED his cake.

Then it was time for presents! Seriousely dad, I got this!

NO BRAKES! NO BRAKES! (sorry for the sideways pic, it's 11pm i'm not fixing it)

He had a blast but was definitely tired by the end of the day. Fortunately he was able to stay awake to watch the Packers get whooped with the boys.

He even got some cheering in. Go Pack Go!

It was a ton of fun. Time goes wayyyy too fast! He had his 1 year dr visit Monday and is very petite at 16 lbs 11 oz and 28.5 inches tall. He still doesn't have any teeth either! He eats everything though, I swear he has gums of steel.

Anyway, ttfn!

A lot of useless rambling

Sorry, no juicy gossip here. Just a lot of rambling nonsense.

Let's see. The past couple of weeks have been a crazy mess of everything and nothing at the same time. I took on a couple daycare kids and that's been quite a challenge. My quiet days are long gone! I have been watching a 2 year old from 6:30-8:30 am 3-4 days a week for a few months now and now I've added a 5 year old and a 7 month old. Jack and A go to school at noon so for half the day I just have the 2 babies. But wow. I have a WHOLE new appreciation for parents of twins! Sometimes it seems that Craig and I are outnumbered although we aren't. It's amazing to me that we can deal with all 6 of our kids no problem, but add someone else's to the mix and it's a wild crazy experience. We'll get use to it as time goes on I'm sure but for right now it's a challenge.

What else. Nate is turning 1 in a matter of days, can you beleive it? He's cutting his first tooth, one of his canine teeth (yeah, my kids are wierd like that!) and has mastered pulling up on furniture and cruising. It's only a matter of time til we see those first magical steps!

Hmmmm what else is new. I don't know if I updated you all on Christian's tests. The biopsies showed he has GERD so we've got him on prescription Prevacid for 3 months and then he sees the GI again to see if it's helped or not. Eh, don't know how I feel about it. It doesn't explain everything but if it can help him not hurt I'll take it.

I'll wrap up now I guess cause I'm tired and it's 10pm. Been a loooong day/week.

Whoever invented Guitar Hero ROCKS!

But I wonder if I could file some type of civil suit demanding they do the housework I have been neglecting since I can't seem to pry that stupid guitar out of my hands!

If y'all haven't played you really need to go fork over the $100 and get with the program. I, myself, am not a fan of video games but this one is way cool. And hey, if you are of the opinion that video games are bad for kids, consider the hand-eye coordintion they will develop!

We have Guitar Hero 3 for the Nintendo wii, but I've seen the 2nd version on PS2 and it's equally entertaining.

Anyway. I'm working on my reflections for 2007 post. I never make resolutions so I don't have to worry bout that.
Happy New year to all!

Autism... the new ADHD? Plus my theories on SIDS

I want to start off by apologizing for not updating on Chris' tests sooner. I've been insanely busy as I'm sure most everyone is this time of year. His tests went well, we will get the results at our follow up on January 4th.

Autism. Let me preface with saying that I do not, for one second beleive that Autism isn't a very real thing. I truly beleive that my 5 year old could be the poster child for what I call "Autism intervention" in that I beleive that his problems being recognized extremely early and treatment begun before the age of 18 months saved him from "Autism". He is in a mainstream school, in a mainstream class and functions very well in that environment. We weren't always sure he would and 3 years ago we weren't sure he would ever do the things he does now. I hold a dear place in my heart for the people that helped us get where we are with him, his therapists..... I believe they saved my child and my family.

Having said that. The number of children being placed on the "Autism spectrum" is up over 200% in recent years. There are many theories for that, including the theory that there are now better ways to diagnose Autism. But I ask the question, how can you truly diagnose a condition when no one understands what it is, where it comes from, and a condition that has such a broad range of symptoms? You can't. Which is why I believe that we are on the cusp of a new "ADHD era".

What do I mean by that? People my age will likely remember many children in school going to the nurse every lunch hour for pill time. Kids who left for lunch rambunctions and returned calm and collected having received thier dose of Ritalin mid-day. Teachers began "diagnosing" kids who were having even the slightest bit of trouble concentrating or learning as having ADHD and sending parents to pediatricians for pills. Pediatricians began prescribing these powerful pills to almost anyone who walked in the door with a "teacher diagnosis" in hand. These kids, as Ritalin and ADHD became uncool and taboo lived, and to this day continue to live with the stigma of having "ADHD".

How many of these kids really had ADHD? How many of them had other disorders that were not looked into such as oppositional defiant disorder, learning disabilities, metabolic disorders, chemical imbalances, even abuse and neglect in the home or peer abuse situations going on? How many of them continued to live with whatever was plaguing them under the Ritalin fog?

The powers that be seemed to see the forest for the trees in the 90's. New ADHD cases suddenly dropped off as Pediatricians finally began refering these children to psychologists and teachers were no longer allowed to suggest ADHD drugs to parents. Suddenly, with the diagnoses of ADHD decreasing, diagnoses of other "disorders" climbed. The most startling increase? Autism.

There are many theories on what causes Autism. Some beleive it is the preservatives in vaccines, some beleive it is birth or prenatal oxygen deprivation or trauma, some beleive it is food sensitivity or allergy, some beleive it is a metabolic disorder, some beleive it is imbalances of certain chemicals and nutrients, and some beleive it is a glitch or damaged brain. The list goes on and on. Basically, no one really has much of a clue what causes Autism. A lot of parents with Autistic children blame vaccines. I've spoken with one mom who told me "he was FINE until he got his 1 year shots, then suddenly he turned into THIS!" I can see her point. When something happens to your child, say..... he shows you a cut on his finger, you are naturally going to ask him what he was just playing with that cut his finger. What you may not realize is that he cut his finger weeks ago and has just re-opened the sore....

My theory on Autism is that some children are sensitive to something, heck some children are sensitive to everything. My own son had such extreme dry skin (still does) that for the first 3 years of his life I had to MAKE any soap that touched his skin or clothes by hand, on the stove or he would break out in eczema patches that we couldn't get to go away. About a year later I really started to think about that. What was the difference between commercial soap and the soap I made? Heck if anything my soap could have been more harsh because I wasn't as good at regulating the lye to oil ratio as a factory would be with all it's computerized equipment.

Jacksen also had great aversions to food. He ate next to nothing, living mostly on fresh fruits and vegetables. It was about all he would put in his mouth. Then, someone said something to me that was the turning point. She said "Kat, you know when you are pregnant and you have cravings and aversions? Well, you know that's because your body is telling you what it needs and is telling you what it doesn't feel is right for it"....

From that day on, I realized that kids don't eat like we do. They haven't developed the horrid habits we are like clearing our plates or eating food just because it's offered. Kids eat on the "pregnant woman" diet. They, being naturally more in tune with thier bodies, want to eat what thier body is telling them to and balk at or refuse food that thier body is telling them not to eat.

So now I had 2 clues. It was my job to put the puzzle together. What was my child telling me was the problem? What was in commercial soaps and un "natural" foods that my child was telling me he couldn't tolerate? Preservatives.

But why are autistic children seemingly fine until toddlerhood? They are exposed to preservatives in some form pretty much since birth? Well, in my opinion it works on the same principal as the alchoholic who doesn't destroy his liver with his first drink, but rather over a period of months or years of chronic drinking. Children who are sensitive to preservatives don't damage thier brains the first time they are given a bath with Johnson's baby wash, but rather over months and years of exposure to preservatives. It makes sense to me since Autism is a seemingly progressive disease, it doesn't generally happen overnight but slowly, over a period of time. The changes are impossible to detect early on, but as time goes on they become more apparent as they increase in severity. It is our job to put the clues together. What is my child sensitive to or allergic to? We have to do our own scientific experiments and LISTEN to what our children, whether they can speak or not, are trying to tell us.

Just some food for thought. Moving on.

SIDS. It's a 4 letter word that strikes terror in the hearts of parents. We all likely know someone who has put thier perfect, seemingly healthy baby down for a nap or to bed for the night and woke up to find thier little lifeless body in the crib. SIDS is so terrifying because it strikes babies seemingly at random. Sneaking into the nursery and snatching them from thier dreams. Autopsies show nothing out of the ordinary and no cause can be determined. How can this be? How can that child have died and every body system be perfect upon examination?

But there is one organ that can play these sick little tricks. One organ that you really can't know if it was working properly after the fact. The heart. I believe that SIDS is actually a heart condition called Long QT syndrome. Long QT syndrome simply means that for some reason there is a delayed time frame between the Q and the T activities of the heart during the beat cycle. It does not cause any murmurs, it does not cause any blood pressure abnormalities, cyanosis, sweating, chest pains, or any of the symptoms of heart trouble. People with Long QT syndrome sometimes live into thier teenage years or even adulthood only to be found dead in thier beds without having ever been sick. Why? People with Long QT syndrome are at great risk for fibrillation for no apparent reason. The heart, deciding that at this moment to finally realize that the distance between the 2 waves is too long tries to compensate by beating fast and irradically. Soon, it can't keep up with itself and goes into what is called Fibrillation. Erratic, non productive beats. Finally, unable to right itself it simply gives up it's fight and stops.

I truly beleive that most children who die of SIDS could be saved with something so simple as an EKG at birth. An EKG takes less time than the hearing test all newborns in this country get and can detect Long QT and other irregularities in a couple minutes, start to finish. Children diagnosed with Long QT could then be fitted with internal defibrillators, devices that sense when the heart starts acting erradically and step in to give it a mild shock back to reality.

Doctors seem to be catching onto this possibility as recently, when I took Nathan for his echocardiogram I was asked in the history questionaire if there was a family history of SIDS or unexplained death. I asked why and they said that there was a heart problem that can cause this........ Long QT.

If you have a baby, ask your pediatrician to do a simple EKG. It can be done in the office in a few minutes. Even if you have to pay out of pocket, it's worth the knowledge.

Tomorrow is the big day

Christian is currently fasting for his procedures tomorrow and he's not a happy camper! He tried to snatch a cookie this afternoon which I promptly stole from him. Poor boy. He is happy that for once he gets to drink all the sprite he wants, usually the kids don't get soda so that's a perk.

We leave at 7:30 tomorrow for a full day. It's a 2.5 hour drive down and then he has his belly ultrasound at 10. After that we go over to the GI center to listen to all the risks of the procedure and anesthesia. The nurse, Julie, who I had a lengthy phone convo with today will meet us there at noon to start his IV and do his *cringe* enema. The scope will take, from prep to out the door 4-5 hours. So, we should be home by bedtime. Chris was hoping to get McDonalds for supper but the nurse said today that he has to eat soft foods so he doesn't choke following the test so who knows....

Wish us luck that everything goes as planned. I personally am not confident that his problem is a GI problem but we have to rule that out. I feel like all of this has just been one dead end road after another which is frustrating.

The sound no one wants to wake up to

At about 6am we woke up to this sound...... beep, beep, beep.......... beep, beep, beep. The smoke alarms! When we had our basement finished to add bedroom space this spring we had all the smoke alarms interconnected so if one goes off they all do. And this morning we found out that the system works.

Craig and I ran out of bed, me grabbing Nate who had been sleeping next to me and him running upstairs while I got Jack who was already out of bed and running toward his bedroom door. I got upstairs and got he girls up as Craig was up on the second floor getting the big boys up. But wait? Where's the smoke?

False alarm, and we don't really know why but about 30 minutes later it happened again. We found the offending alarm, which was the one outside Austin's room on the 2nd floor and took it down and cleaned it and it hasn't happened since, so hopefully it was just from the alarm being dirty, obviousely there was no fire as I'm currently, at 3:30pm sitting in my home.

OMG what a scary way to wake up. This is the second time we have been rudely awakaned this way since our remodel. The first time was in September when the boys forgot to drain the tub which was overfilled (it leaks slowly if filled past a certain point, it's on the to-do list) and water dripped down all night into the smoke alarm in the basement frying out the smoke alarm....... scary

So now I'm going to be afraid to go to bed tonight. Yeek

Tomorrow is going to be hell day. Christian has to prepare for his tests on Thursday which means that starting tomorrow morning, he cannot eat anything. He won't be allowed to eat from midnight tonight until after his procedure, which will finish up at around 5pm Thursday. Not easy for the kid who gets dizzy and severe stomach aches if he doesn't have solid food in his stomach for more than 3 hours! Tonight I'm making a bunch of Jello Jigglers for him and he'll be eating a lot of chicken broth. It's going to be a challenging day.

Yesterday was Austin's 14th birthday. FOURTEEN! He's now legally able to work for a paycheck in the state of Wisconsin. Time to pay rent! hehe. Nah, we aren't going to send him off into the workforce just yet, he can't even keep his grades above passing. But anyway, his birthday was nice. He got a new skateboard, 4 new xbox games, a new controller, and some cash. We went out to eat at pizza hut with my sister which was nice, we don't eat out often so it's always a special treat. I can't beleive he's already 14. I surely don't feel old enough to have a 14 year old child!

Christmas shopping is nearly complete. Just need to get a few more toys since they seem to somehow be getting a lot of clothes this year again. I can't help it, I love buying clothes! Now onto wrapping it all. They usually get about 15 gifts each so that's 90 gifts to wrap! Then figure in all the stuff for relatives. Oy!

Now that i've had time to think

In working just those couple weeks I have gained a new understanding of working mothers. Maybe not a new understanding really, but I have seen that what I keep saying really is the truth, at least in my eyes.

Y'all miss out SO much! It breaks my heart! I wish no mother had to work outside the home, I really do and I definitely cannot understand why one would choose to if other options are avaialable.

So, I get down on my knees and thank the good lord that he has offered me the choice, even if it means inconvenience sometimes, even if it means we don't eat at fancy restaurants, we don't drive fancy cars, and sometimes we get a little strapped for cash and have to rent a movie instead of visiting the theater. I thank God that he has given me the understanding to see clearly my needs vs my wants and the selflessness to put my wants aside for the greater good of my family.

I love being a stay at home mom. I love the laundry, the whining, the fights, cleaning up the puke (ok, maybe not so much there) and I'm grateful that I have this beautiful life that isn't always.

I'm grateful. Eternally grateful. Who knows, maybe I am less of a person because I'm NOT supermom and I couldn't do it all, I couldn't work and still feel as though I was giving 150% to my kids. I don't know how anyone can. But you know, if working 40 hours a week and missing the little moments is what makes a supermom..... I gladly bow out of the running for that title.

Ramblings

Poor baby can't catch a break. He was starting to get over the roseola and is now down and out sick again! This is over a month now of him getting sick, starting to feel better and getting knocked right back down within days. I feel so bad for him! All he wants is to be held or nursed, which is ok with me but I would love to see him smile and play and EAT... he hasn't eaten decent this entire time!

Christian's appt is now scheduled for next Thursday. We have to be there at 10:15 for ultrasound and then go over to the GI center to prep. All in all it will all take about 6-7 hours. Fun! Poor kid. I really hope they figure it out with this test but I have this awful feeling this is just another stepping stone in our quest.

Shay's Holiday program was last night and was adorable as always. They really do a good job with it, you have to give that music director credit for orchestrating an entire musical play with a couple hundred gradeschool kids. No easy task! We are all done with holiday programs/ concerts now. I guess Hailey got her picture in the paper for being best dressed at the concert or something, I have to get a paper to see for myself.

The dryer is calling my name so I better wrap this up. Speaking of wrapping, I haven't even started! YEEEEEEEEEEEEK. As a matter of fact, I haven't even bought paper yet! double yeeeeeeeeeeeek.

Why do they do this to me!

Ok so my 9 year old has been having some health problems since the beginning of summer and we've been back and forth from this specialist to that trying to get to the bottom of it all. Yesterday was our visit to the ped gastroenterologist where we learned that he thought Chris might have an inflammatory bowel disease like Chrons or something and wanted to do a endoscopy/colonoscopy and take some biopsies as well as an ultrasound to look for anything like tumors and whatever. It was set up for a month from now.

Today I get a phone call saying that the doc had slept on it and doesn't feel comfortable waiting that long and wanted us in THIS FRIDAY (the hosp is 2.5 hours away) and since Craig can't get the time off that quick they are setting up for next wed or thursday instead, I'm waiting on the call back to say which.

The day before the test will be very interesting because he cannot eat for a full 24 hours. How difficult for a kid! Especially Chris since if he gets hungry he starts getting major belly aches and dizzy. Fun Fun.


Hailey's concert was great. She looked beautiful in her dress and I took some pics when we got home. I'll post em on here just as soon as I get them off the camera.

Nate's still not feeling 100% but he's done with the fevers and the rash is almost gone so hopefully he'll soon be back to his old goofy self.

Still working on that post I mentioned at the bottom of the last, haven't had much time to sit down and work on it.

Almost back to normal

Nate's feeling quite a bit better and I've cut my hours down at work to be home with my baby. Shame on me for losing my perspective and putting money over what's important, being home with my kids. I have been praying for forgiveness.

Tonight is Hailey's holiday concert and Thursday is Shay's. I love those things!

Stay tuned for more interesting reading. I'm working on a post about self destructive people who are toxic to those around them. Good reads!

Finally

Nate is finally on the upswing. After 3 days of constant fevers he gave us a sign to tell us what was wrong........ with the rash all over his body. He had Roseola! He's really doing better now thank goodness and finally started eating again. It's so nice to see him smiling and playing again.

Work is crazy this week. Thankfully only a couple more weeks and then I'm done. Then I have to get everything together for my first Natural birth class through the hospital the first week of January. That should be exciting!

Jack had his little preschool Christmas program tonight and it was adorable in the way that only a preschool program can be. He said his parts to the play great, he played the bunny in the story Mittens. I am so proud. You would never know sometimes that he had such a rough start in life with the Sensory Integration Dysfunction, and you'd never know that we once feared he would be autistic. He's an amazing little boy, no doubt.

Anyway, sorry for the lack of updates lately but with working during the day I don't get much downtime.

Very eye opening

Take the time to watch this video. It really makes you realize things.....

Ugh. So Nate's still sick. Worse than before actually. He's been into the clinic twice this past week and then last night we sat in the ER with him until almost 3am. He's now got crazy fevers I can't get down even piggy backing Tylenol and Motrin. All he does is cry and all he wants is to be held. He hasn't eaten in days really. Poor kiddo.

We are under a winter storm watch. All week they've been talking about 8-10 inches of snow here. We have gotten maybe 4? Darn, I was hoping for a storm like we had last winter, where we got 27 inches of snow overnight, that was cool. Doesn't look like we are going to get much more though. I don't care cause I don't have to drive in it, I'm keeping my tired butt in my sweats in my cozy house all weekend long, as much as I really should get some shopping done....... Oh well, that's what the internet and the good ole Visa check card are for hehe.
Interesting, I just had a phone call from someone who sounded like they were from the middle east......... couldn't understand em so I hung up on him..... lol

I'll leave you with a picture of Nathan (left), Brayden, and James from Nov 3.

I was right

So, a lot of you have told me to walk a mile in your shoes before I judge. So I took you up on it...... well not entirely for YOUR benefit...

I took a temporary job, working opposite shift as Craig because I will never, if I have any choice in the matter put my children in daycare, it's just not something I agree with. But I took a temporary job to earn some extra money for Christmas and.......Y'all are missing out. Missing out big time. Thank god it's only temporary. The money isn't worth what is missed when I'm gone, not even slightly.
I fully intend to finish out the job (4 weeks in total) but I'll be glad when it's over.I do like the job. I enjoy it a lot actually. I get to use my brain, I get to socialize, and it's a great place to work full of awesome people. But the price is too high.

Y'all are missing some really special memories. I'm sorry for that.

Exactly how many nights

Is it healthy to go without decent sleep? I'd really like to know.

Nate's been sick now for........... I don't know, weeks. Because of this he coughs himself awake every 45 seconds or so at night and by about 3 am he's given up on sleep altogether. This means that I am forced to give up on sleep as well as he needs someone to cuddle and entertain him at that ungodly hour. My husband, being the greatest dad in the world that he is helps too, but for the most part the 3 of us all just stay awake.

And the snot. If there is one thing on this planet that makes me want to hurl it's THAT kid with the boogers constantly running down their face. Lately, that is my kid. Freaking gross.

And it's not just Nate. They are allllll sick in some way or another. Everything from an earache to being constipated has afflicted this house in some severe form or another in the past 3-4 weeks. The one thing I can be thankful for is that so far, mom and dad have remained fairly healthy.

Turkey day was nice. We went to my moms and stuffed ourselves stupid with all the yummie turkey fixins. And pie. OMG my brother and his wife made NINE pies.... there were 11 people (not counting the babies). We came home with I think 4 full pies. Not that I'm complaining, pumpkin pie has got to be my favorite thing on the planet.

I've been in full fledged de-clutter mode. It seems crap just piles up in this house and I don't really know why. I think I'm a mild hoarder or something. This week I've done approximately 21 loads of laundry. Yes, in one week. The girls removed at LEAST 15 loads from their bedroom floor alone, who knew they had tan carpet? I didn't. And I'm not even done. I probably have another 8 loads or so to go, hopefully I can get them done yet this weekend. I'm not holding my breath. Really, no children need as many clothes as these kids have. I swear I prune their wardrobes on a monthly basis just getting rid of the things we don't LOVE and they still have an insane amount of clothing.

In other news. My "baby" boy shot his first deer yesterday! On his first day EVER of hunting. I'm so proud!

Anyway, Nate's done with his snack and yelling so I guess that's my cue to find something more entertaining for him...

The Pit

The Pit
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. My friends watched me struggle through daily life, waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever.
The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair, it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.

Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what’s taking me so long to emerge. After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.
Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau. Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.
Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs. You know...the "better them, than me" attitude.

My post-grief friends (and a rare pre-grief friend) are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit with me. They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. The "person" who is emerging from the pit.

Author Unknown